Chocolate is Lucas' crack.

I wish I were kidding.

Hide your candy if you ever come to my house.

Well, I should say "Hide your expensive, imported truffles with creamy hazelnuts centers" because that seems to be his crack of choice right now.

He obviously gets this from his father...as when I get truffles, or most any chocolate for that matter, I bring them home to Chuck...who promptly eats it. Again, as long as it's imported.

I can't tell you how many times "those Hersey hacks" has been heard in my home. I think Lucas has picked up on his father's disdain for normal, everyday American chocolate.

For Christmas, from my boss, I received a VERY large container with Italian hazelnut truffles. Apparently, they are very good...I have yet to try one. Lucas has had several and I'm pretty sure Chuck has gotten into them a couple of times. Chuck even told me to "Keep Lucas out of his truffles". Um, yea, sure. That's gonna happen.

Just this morning, Lucas came to me in the office with his mouth obviously full of something, begging me for a kiss and hug. I give them to him and ask what's in his mouth.

"Nothing" (as chocolatey spittle drips from the corner of his mouth).

By the time I got up from the chair and walked into the living room he was already unwrapping another one.

Well, good news is: imported chocolate only comes around once in a great while. Enjoy it while you can, boys.

Don't know if I can type this without crying...

I'm exhausted.

Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.

I'm sick of working. I'm so sick of dealing with stupid, ignorant people. I'm so sick of dealing with people who are my bosses that I have to run around after to make sure that things are completed so I don't have to deal with the shit when it's not.

I'm sick of being a mom...well, that's not really true. I'm sick of being a mom and having a billion things to do other than taking my son to the park. I'm sick of being a mom and expected to be a working woman. I'm sick of being a mom and a wife and a daughter and, and, and, and.....

I know that everyone goes through this. I understand that.

I get angry though at times like these. I get angry at myself for not being able to be perfect at absolutely everything. I get angry at my husband for not understanding why this is all so difficult for me. I get angry with my kids for not cooperating.

And then, apparently, I'm mean. And that's why everyone hates me. Or at least that's the interpretation I get from said husband.

I am mean. I'm mean because I grew up with the mentality that if you are mean, at least SOMETHING gets done. I'm so sick of being nice and NOTHING getting done. I try that again and again and again and then I'm stressed to the max, tired, and still have nothing done. So, yes, I get mean.

I hate that people think I have an ulterior motive for the things I do. I hate that certain people never see all the other stuff I say, think or do to TRY to make things better for our family. To try to change my ways. To try to do special, nice things for my husband. Everything, apparently in some people's opinions, is so that I can look the hero and make myself look better to everyone else.

WHY CAN'T IT JUST BE BECAUSE I WANT TO TRY TO MAKE THE OTHER PERSON HAPPY?

Like planning on getting him an mp3 player, researching types, looking at prices and then having to figure something ELSE to get because his parents already bought him one???? And adding just one more thing to my list to worry about and try to squeeze into a schedule that is already packed full of holiday stuff.

I'm sick of worrying about what other people think of me. And I said at the beginning of 2006 that it was something I wanted to work on. And I have tried. I have said no to certain family obligations. I have cut down from years past on things that we do every weekend...so that we can spend family time. But NONE of that is seen! NONE of that counts at all...it's just never enough.

That's the story of my life...no matter what I do...it's never enough to please everyone. Hell, half the time I can't please anyone.

17 week Dr. Appt

On Monday, I saw Sameerah again. I actually don't see a obstetrician, I see a midwife.

I. LOVE. HER.

Seriously, she's wonderful. She's had 5 children of her own and is just a good hearted, down to earth woman.

But she made me laugh on Monday. After asking how I was feeling, and me explaining that I still feel like shit most days between the fatigue and the nausea...she asked what time I went to bed.

I explained that I normally go to bed about 2 and get up about 7 with the boys and to take Chuck to work (the van has been broken, so we were down to one vehicle). Sameerah exclaimed "2 in the MORNING?" Yep. "NO, that won't do. You need to be in bed by 11 pm. You aren't getting enough sleep." Weeellll, that's when I had to explain that I work until 1 am. I'm lucky if I'm sleeping by 2...it's usually closer to 2:30 am.

So, apparently, my body is run down and that's why I'm still having bouts of nausea and dry heaves. Wonderful.

I also gained 5 lbs. Boo for me. That seemed like a lot for one month but they weren't concerned at all, stating that they expect women to gain 5-10 lbs by 20 weeks. Considering I'm still a net LOSS of 8 lbs, I guess I'm doing ok.

I got to hear the baby's heartbeat again. It never gets old. 140's to 150's. Lucas thinks its pretty cool too.

Our "big" ultrasound is scheduled for January 3rd. I guess I gotta figure out if I want to know between now and then :)

Aw, my boys

This morning I was showering and I asked Zachary to make himself and his brother some frozen waffles for breakfast.

I have no qualms whatsoever about him getting out the toaster, plugging it in, and cooking the waffles.

This morning, however, I smelled something burning when I got out of the shower. I wrap a towel around myself and ask what's going on.

Zachary's answer?

"I'm cooking"

me: WHAT are you cooking?

Z: well, we toasted some marshmallows.

me: WHAT?

Z: We toasted some marshmallows. But it wasn't hot enough over top of the toaster so we dropped them in.

I check. Sure enough there are MINI marshmallows now blackened charcoal bits in my toaster. One of them is flaming.

So, lessons learned? 1) Marshmallows don't toast in the toaster.
2) Don't leave the mini marshmallows within boys' reach. 3) My kids are smart as hell.

*******************************************************
The boys have also decided on a name for the new baby.

Are you ready for this?


Are you sure?

Baby Jesus.

Yep. They think Baby Jesus (with the middle name Christ, of course) is the perfect name for our baby if it's a boy.

Chuck said it will go along great with the explitives we sometimes exclaim about the two boys currently :)

Bound, Bound, and Rebound.

So, my husband and my friend Matt told me that my last few posts were a bit harsh. A bit on the ugly, ranting, scary Lisa side. Granted. But like Chuck said "At least she's taking it on the rest of the world, and not on me at home". True nuff.

Last weekend, the boys only had a few minutes before bedtime. And during that time I HATE starting a movie because then they think they should watch the entire thing. The meltdowns that come with me telling them they can't see the end are usually spectacular. So, I don't do that if I can avoid it.

That's why I love movie shorts from Pixar. One in particular is called Boundin' and is on the 2nd disc of The Incredibles (along with Jack Jack Attack which is hilarious if you haven't seen that one).

Anyway, after having a crappy week and being in a crappy mood from all the work stuff, family stuff, etc, etc, etc, Boundin' kinda made me look at my life again in a renewed vision. Something Chuck has been trying to tell me for some time: That I control my moods. My attitude. And that I shouldn't let outside influences make me so upset. That I need to look inside myself for my happiness and peace. Honest to God, I do try. I'm just not very good at it yet.

I wanted to share the story of Boundin' for those that haven't seen it, and to remind myself of what I need to remember.

The story is about a little sheep, all white and fluffy and cute. He dances in the sunshine "showing off his stuff" and all his little prarie friends join him in his dancing. Until the big mean human comes and shears him naked. Then all his friend laugh at him, tell him he's funny looking and *gasp* PINK.

Then along come a jackolope. This is the song that insues:


“Hey kid, why the mope?”

“I used to be something all covered with fluff,
And I’d dance in the sunlight and show off my stuff,
Then they hauled me away in a manner quite rough
And sheared me and dropped me back here in the buff.
And if that’s not enough
Now my friends all laugh at me
Cause they think I look ridiculous, funny, and pink.”


“Pink? Pink? Well, what’s wrong with pink?
Seems you’ve got a pink kink in your think.
Does it matter what color?
Well, that gets nope.
Be it pink purple or heliotrope.
Now sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down,
When you find that you’re down well just look around:
You still got a body, good legs and fine feet,
Get your head in the right place and hey, you’re complete!


“Now as for the dancin’, you can do more,
You can reach great heights, in fact you can soar.
You just get a leg up and ya slap it on down,
And you’ll find you’re up in what’s called a bound.
Bound, bound, and rebound.
Bound and you’re up right next to the sky,
And I think you can do it if you give it a try,
First get a leg up, slap it on down…”

So in short, for me, I may have been feeling down but take a look around me. I have my health, a great family with a husband who loves me and vica versa, 2 little boys that love me dearly, brothers and parents that care immensely, a job that pays good money and great benefits. So let's just get my head in the right place.

And then I can SOAR.

Last day of NaBloPoMo

and I feel crappy. Still.

First off, I am sitting here writing with the worst case of acid reflux I've had in a while. To the point I want to throw up. Pretty much the same feeling I've had all day long...except stronger now. I hate dry heaving. Sometimes, I wish I would just get it out of my system and be done with it. My boss asked tonight (as I talked to her on the phone...I feel way too shitty and tired to go to work today) if the dr's are going to look into what might be wrong. I explained "I'm pregnant! It could go on my whole pregnancy." Ugh. And the tiredness. I feel like all I've done is slept today and I still feel tired. Come on people! I'm 16 weeks along...shouldn't this feeling be gone by now?

Second off, why does every unexpected bill have to happen right before Christmas? The van died. I'm hoping it doesn't need a new fuel pump and it's just the filter. But until I can get it fixed, I'll be getting up at 7, getting dressed taking him to work so I can have the jeep to take Zachary to preschool...then at 4 pm, rushing up there, picking him up and dropping him off at home with the boys so that I can make it back to work by 4:30. And not be late (because I just got "talked to" about my time issues. This sick day dropped me back to next to nothing.)

Then there's Chuck Driver Responsibility Fees. $250 due 12/20/06 or his license gets suspended. Why does he have to pay these? Because he's gotten 3 tickets in the last year for speeding. Niiice.

Then I got nailed for a bill that went to collections for Lucas's circumcision 2 1/2 years ago!! I think I may have seen one bill for that at some point...but what's up with never sending anything else and then oh...right before Christmas say pay it or we're going to litigation. *sigh* Another $250.

Blech. I'm not close to done shopping either. I hope that tomorrow I'll feel better. I'm going to drink a big glass of milk and see if that will stop the acid reflux. Great. Another dry heave.

Frustration

Complete. utter. frustration.

AT everything. I think the hormones are kicking in hard core.

The boys have broken 3 christmas ornaments because they were screwing around with them after repeatedly being told and KNOWING not to. One was Zachary 2003 annual ornament from Grandma and Grandpa. One was one that was made for me when I was a teen. The other was one of my Grandmothers Christmas bulbs that were on her tree that I remember growing up. *sigh* The last one I think I have left, because the other got broken last year (I didn't even put them on the tree last year. Zachary got into the Christmas box and shattered them).

The house is in shambles. I'm trying. I really, really am. I did dishes for about an hour today, maybe more. But I think now after dinner there is more there than before. Okay, so maybe not, but damn near.

People at work don't understand the meaning of Christmas. I'm so sick of everyone thinking that *someone* must have an agenda. Christmas is a time of giving, whether its a needy person within someone's church or a needy person off the street. They are still needy, right?A lot of the people want to do a "White Elephant"...I'm not participating this year. It's not that I don't enjoy a good grab and steal game of White elephant. But, I'd rather spend my $10 to buy a gift for Toys for Tots than to give a gift to someone who could have A) bought it themselves and B) probably have ABSOLUTELY no use for it, and maybe throw it out when they got home. Quite frankly, I don't have any room for useless stuff either. I'm trying to clean out what I have now by donating to Goodwill and charity auctions to try to make room in this house for FIVE of us. I guess in my thinking there are people out there that could use that $10 item or just that $10 donation.

Speaking of work, a co-worker JUST found out tonight that I'm pregnant. I announced it over a month ago at our last staff meeting. Now granted, that person was not present at our staff meeting; however, I send out meeting notes...and the VERY FIRST line was that I was pregnant. Why do I bother typing up and sending out notes? Why do I bother with email or manuals or notes at all? No one reads them!!!! Instead, they ask me 8 billion questions a night.

On the good front, I found the Color Wonder Sprayer!!!!! I actually bought two, one for my friend who's daughter also wanted one. A huge thanks to Amanda and Kathleen for helping me to get one for Zachary. He'll be one happy little boy come Christmas morning!

A little perterbed.

I don't even know if that's how you spell it. But that's what I am!

WHY can't I comment on some people's blogs? Is it because they have Beta and I've been too afraid to change? I get the box for comment verification but all I see is a red x!

So to anybody who I normally read and haven't commented on lately, I'm sorry! I'm still reading but I can't comment and there have been some things I'd really like to comment on too! :)

We have baby movement!

O.M.G! How could I have forgotten to post this?

I laid down today after laying down with the boys for their naps. I was laying in my bed...just maxing and relaxing and I felt the baby kick. STRONG too. It was completely unmistakeable!

I held my breath, laying there, waiting for it to happen again...and alas it didn't. *sigh* Maybe tomorrow. My next dr. appt isn't until December 11 and then I get to schedule the ultrasound!!

I'm starting to get a little excited to find out what we are having. I'm still not 100% sure I want to, but I found the cutest crib quilt that I wanted to make (if it IS a girl) but I decided not to buy it until after I know for sure. But, oh, it was so cute!

Lisa wants....

Once upon a time, I saw this on someones blog or on a forum that I'm on. Go to google. Type in "(your name) wants" and see what comes up...

This is the story of what I want.

Lisa wants....ME (LOL. Considering I'm writing this...that's really kinda conceited isn't it?)
Lisa wants...to work with JJ and Bryan. (um, not really. Not sure who they are)
Lisa wants....to create. (Absolutely. I've found great pleasure in creating things lately).
Lisa wants....to bang Mike. (Shhhh...don't tell Chuck! LOL)
Lisa wants....to practice her Arabic. (Um, no. I do like to practice my ASL though!)

But honestly, I wrote yesterday about Santa. And what Zachary has asked for from Santa. There are a few things I'd like from Santa too. Unfortunately, my Santa doesn't have this much money!

I'd like a new LCD wall mount HDTV. That way we can get rid of the humongous t.v. and t.v. stand in the living room and make more room for toys, baby things and office stuff.

I'd like a new pc. I hate our pc at home. It is slower than slow and some days I have to shut it down and reopen it four times a day.

I'd like some new underwear and socks. I know. This is boring. But I'm seriously getting pregnancy belly and a lot of my undies are uncomfortable now. And somewhere along the way I've lost all but 4 pairs of my socks.

I'd like a maid. Hahahahaha. That'll never happen, but it's nice to dream isn't it?

I'd like all Adam Sandler movies. Preferably starting with Billy Madison.

I'd like some new dishclothes. Stupid thing, right? Why don't I just buy the damn things myself?

I'd like my Christmas to go as stress free as my Thanksgiving did. I'd really like to find everything I'm looking for in the first store on the first day of shopping and for it all to be on sale!

What would you like for Christmas?

Crayola Color Wonder Sprayer

AAAAAHHHHH!

Zachary has asked for four things this holiday season. On Friday night we go to see Santa and he asked for 3 different things: a dollie, a car and a telescope.

But the one thing he's continually asked for is the Crayola Color Wonder Sprayer.

And they are SOLD. OUT!

I'm frantic. I want him to get this from Santa. I've checked all the stores in my local town. SOLD. OUT. I've checked online stores. SOLD. OUT. I may have to be calling in favors from relatives in other towns because I absolutely refuse to pay over retail price on ebay. That's ridiculous!!!

I've never had a year where Zachary has really aksed for something and this is not that expensive so I could get it for him. And he LOVES art. Loves creating...and we always do this together. Bummed. That's what I am.

Really nice Thanksgiving weekend.

We went to my parents and had a huge turkey dinner with a whole table of desserts (as always) and ate way too much (as always). Then spent the night and the boys slept like crap and the next day we went to the Christmas store to buy our yearly country ornament.

Every year, Chuck and I choose a country to research and find out about the customs of that country. Then we take some of those customs and teach them to the boys. Explain that other countries do Christmas time a little differently. We also find a traditional Christmas cookie or dish and make that with the boys. It's a lot of fun...I don't know how much the boys get out of the tradition, but Chuck and I enjoy it. This year we chose Poland as I have some family from Poland and I'd like to learn more about it. So off we trot to the Christmas store to buy the Polish flag and a traditional Polish ornament (we chose the traditional Polish Santa this year...it was made in Poland too!)

Then on to the in-laws. I normally dread this time because it always throws me into anxiety attacks. But my SIL is in the hospital and my MIL worked the entire time so it was just Chuck, I, the boys, my nephew and my FIL and we had a GREAT time. Everything was so relaxed...the boys LOVED playing with their cousin and we had some nice chats with my FIL. We didn't get to have the traditional Thanksgiving meal that we typically have, but it was so nice to have a non-rushed, non-stress weekend. We ended up spending the night and putting up their Christmas trees for them as the annual church Christmas party is at their house next weekend and nothing was decorated. Poor MIL. She's already a nervous wreck!

Kids do say the darndest things!

Part 1:

Last weekend, Zachary was playing in his bedroom. Lucas was in the hallway and I asked (or rather told him, as I already *asked* him) to pick something up in the hallway and put it away.

Zachary looks at me and states:

Momma, don't treat Lucas like your bitch.

O.M.G.!!! I about choked. Then I left the room and called Chuck over, as I laughed hysterically. Where the hell did he learn that?

Part 2:

We were watching Animal Planet last night. It's a great channel and the boys enjoy and learn things from it.

Last night was a rescue show and they were rescuing a cayman. Now if you don't know what a cayman looks like, they basically look like a cross between an alligator and a crocadile, but a big smaller.

Lucas stated: Look! An alligator!!

Chuck: No, that's a cayman.

Lucas: *silence watching the show* Nope, alligator, sorry!

He's so cute!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Well, it's Thanksgiving (technically. I know I haven't been to bed yet so it's not really a new day for me, but it is after midnight). So I'm going to be cliche and discuss those things for which I'm thankful. I mean, afterall, that is what Thanksgiving is all about, isn't it?

1. My husband. I'm thankful for all he does for me, the boys and our family. I'm thankful he washes the dishes. I'm thankful (more now than ever) that he takes out the garbage. I'm thankful that he's the kind of man that tells me "Babe, sit down and take a break for a minute. Let me do that."

2. My boys. Zachary and Lucas. How can you not be thankful for two of God's best miracles ever? I'm thankful they are healthy, happy and well. I'm thankful that they are not the terrors that I've seen some children be and yet I'm thankful that they are not stepford children either. They definitely have their own minds, are independent and strong and for that I'm thankful.

3. My health. My SIL is in the hospital this holiday and it made me sit back and think that as much bitching as I do about feeling sick with this pregnancy, that means it's a healthy pregnancy. That the baby is still inside and growing. I'm thankful that I'm healthy and able to enjoy this day with my family.

4. My baby. See #3 :)

5. My extended family. My mom and dad and brothers would do anything for me. They are there for me no matter what and I'm so very thankful that we have that type of relationship. Even if sometimes they annoy me.

6. Hot tea. I'm freaking freezing right now at work and I'm so thankful to have something warm to wrap my hands around.

7. My job. With the unemployment rate being so high in Michigan, I'm very thankful to have my job. It is well paying with great benefits and I'm lucky to have that.

8. My crockpot. Seriously I love my crockpot. I just finished some roasted pork loin from yesterday that I slow-cooked in the crockpot and it was delish.

9. Internet connection. The internet has given me many good friends through my mom's board, and at such an important time in my life to have those friends. And a few people I can definitely relate to in the blogging world. Even if half of them live half way around the world :)

10. Friends. There have been a few good friends who we've been keeping in contact with a lot lately and those friendships mean so much to me. Most of these people go back a ways with Chuck or/and I and their friendships have seen us through some rough times. I'm thankful they are still willing to stick around.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'll be heading to my mom and dad's for a big Thanksgiving dinner with our whole family. I love family gatherings!

I admit it, I'm a dork.

Okay, first of all...isn't this the absolute cutest kiddo towel ever?

Sooo, maybe I am a little biased, considering I made it!

I have been doing hooded towels using regular bath towels for quite some time now. Well, since my friend gave me some for the birth of Zachary. So that's been almost 5 years ago. And I love them. The boys love them. And they are so simple to make.

I have some friends who have opened a store called Basically Babies. They have all kinds of really, really cool stuff in there including lots of things made by work at home moms (WAHM). Allison had asked if anybody else made anything as they were still looking for some more unique items for the store. That's when I offered up my hooded towels. They asked if I could embellish them and make them more personable and cute...sure, I thought...I just don't know how to do that! So today (in all my spare time between work, sleep, changing the car oil, dropping off and picking up Zachary at preschool) I whipped up a duck towel. For my first attempt, I think I did a bang up job!

And ya know what else? It was FUN. I enjoyed creating something. Having something at the end that I could look at and say "Cool! I like it. I accomplished something!" So, we'll see what the owners of Basically Babies says and maybe make a little store credit to pay for the cloth diapers and nursing supplies I'm sure to be buying from them!

Secondly, have any of you noticed my new countdown ticker on the side there? Yep, over there. Take a look!

It's HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX! Release date of 7/13/07.

I love Harry Potter and own all 4 of them so far. The boys love them too. As a matter of fact, one of Zachary's first words was Harry Potter. Kinda sad, isn't it? From what I was reading the release date for the book may be (only speculation here) 7/7/07. So we shall see. *rubbing my hands together in anticipation!*

100th post...and LOTS of whining ahead

So I made it. I finally got to my 100th post and it hasn't even taken me a year. Yippee. Hooray.

However, it's kinda sad isn't it that it took NaBloPoMo in order to get 21 of those posts? I kinda think so. I see via my SiteMeter that a lot of people are stopping by using the randomizer...and yet no one new is leaving messages. Come on people! I need the reinforcement that someone actually finds me interesting in even the absolute slightest way. Comment...please. (Yep, I'm not above begging and groveling apparently).

Especially after today I need that reinforcement. I hope it's not seasonal depression setting in. I really hope my crappy ass mood has more to do with pregnancy hormones than anything else.

This morning, as my feet hit the floor I was running to the bathroom to puke. (Oh wait. Did I mention my feet hit the floor at the ungodly hour of 7:15 am? Working nights sucks sometimes.) But I didn't puke. At all. I just dry heaved for 3 hours. Now, that is a barrell full of monkeys let me tell you!

Lucas is in that stage when he won't listen to you EVA and so we were late to get Zachary to school.

Then Lucas and I go to Walmart. Where they have NOTHING I want. *sigh* No orange towels. No orange fabric. (I'm trying to make a duck hooded towel for my SIL). No cute boy fabrics. No freaking cinnamon rolls! AND to top it all off? Ben and Jerry's has apparently discontinued the Mint Chocolate Cookie and replaced it with Mint Chocolate Chunk. Blech. Chuck says it's because no one else eats Mint Chocolate Cookie. They only sell 10 pints of it a year and it's all to me. On the way out of Walmart, Lucas decides he's going to be hilarious and call the cashier a doodoo head. Yea, his new favorite word.

Home again, home again, jiggity jig. Sit down to start sewing up the towels. The needle on the sewing machine breaks. I don't have another. I really, really wanted to cry at that point. Lucas was still running around like a banshee wanting me to play "lightsasers" with him and be Darth Vader. I just didn't have the energy.

That's just before 11:30.

But naptime was good. I felt good..except I woke up with heartburn. And had to come to work where I got attitude from 60 year old women. It's really quite ridiculous how they behave sometimes. Afterall, throwing a basket because you don't like the job you've been assigned to is a little much, isn't it?

Tomorrow has GOT to be a better day right?

Heroes

Have you ever thought about your heroes? Have you ever thought about how they shape who you are?

Have you noticed that your heroes change over time? And then when you have kids, you pull those heroes out and re-evaluate them yet again? I've mentioned that my friend Matt has a blog called the Hero Workshop. My husband reads that blog almost daily and really comments on it. If there is one thing I find heroic about my husband, I would say his loyalty to friends and his ability to sit back and reflect on his inner self to make the world better for those friends and family around him.

Chuck wrote this as a comment on Matt's blog and I asked if I can repost it because it was so meaningful to me.

When I look back on my life and examine the catalogue of heroes contained within I find a long and diverse group. There are marked changes and periods, ranging from fantasy to cool to idealistic to pragmatic. Some of the heroes of my childhood I would not consider heroes today. Does that mean that they are not important though? Do heroes like Speed Racer, Underdog, Joe Friday and Thomas Magnum have role to play?

As we get older we get more pragmatic, I think our heroes do too. It becomes less important on how “cool” a hero is and more important on what that hero has done with their life. It becomes easy for us to forget the importance of the heroes of our youth. It becomes easy to discount sport heroes because we forget the magic that comes with that great hit or shot. We focus only on the off court behavior and not at all on the on court glory.

Every once in while an event comes along that reminds of the simple magic of childhood heroes, the kind of heroes that you believe in just because if “feels” good. The no rationality, no logic, it just “feels” right. A few weeks ago I was watch the most recent version of Peter Pan with my boys whom are two and four. We got to the part where Tinker Bell drinks poison meant for Peter and dies. Peter picks her up and starts crying. We were all very quite in my living room as winter began to sweep across Neverland. We watch intently as Peter laid Tinker Bell down in the snow and began to softly whisper “I believe in fairies.” He started repeating it over and over, soon his voice grew louder and others across Neverland took up the chant. Wendy, her brothers, the lost boys, the pirates everyone start shouting at the top of their lungs “I believe in fairies.” That’s when the magic happened, we were chanting as well. Softly at first, then louder and before you could guess what was happening my boys and I were running around the room screaming out the windows and front door “I believe in fairies.”

Needless to say Tinker Bell comes back to life, Peter rescues Wendy and the lost boy and Captain Hook is defeated. Also a childhood hero is born in my boys. There was no logic or reason for them, no discussion of ethics or morality, it was simply “right”. Something that you believe in for the sake of believing in it, I am reminded of something that was said by the character Hub in the movie “Second Hand Lions”:
“Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love… true love never dies. You remember that, boy. You remember that. Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. You see, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in.”

Good advice I think.

So I was reminded of the power of our childhood heroes. They may not stay with us but they are important in forging our character in ways that are deeply profound. I think that from time to time we need to revisit those childhood heroes and replenish our supply of magic. It is that simple child like magic that keeps us on the right path.

I’m thirty eight years old. I have a wife and two children with another on the way all of whom I love. I have a house and a car payment. I work in a dull job, but I can tell you this with out shame or embarrassment in absolute honesty:
“I believe in fairies.”
cdl

I love my husband. And couldn't agree with him more.

Secret Santa

I was watching the news this morning and saw a bit on the "Secret Santa" I'd never heard this story before but found it so uplifting and heroic. And so much in the spirit of the holiday season...or at least what the holiday season SHOULD be.

Larry Stewart started giving away money in 1979 after being FIRED from his job, just the week before Christmas. He gave $20 to a car hop at the local drive-in resturant and he saw her lip tremble and he knew how much it meant to her, considering she was wearing a very thin coat during the middle of a MO winter. After that, he went and took out $200 and started finding other people who could use the money. All this after being fired from his job.

Since that day he's been hitting the streets handing out thousands of dollars every year. Oh yea, because at some point in there he started his own telecommunications business and became a multi-millionaire. But, he started when he had next to nothing. And was giving what he did have to others who in more need than he was. That to me is heroic. And something for others to remember and strive towards.

Lactivism

Now, I should start out by saying I'm not technically a boob nazi. I breastfed both my boys and will breastfeed this child because I know it's the absolute best thing for my kids to have. But I don't enjoy breastfeeding. Not that it hurts, or anything like that, but more because my ass is planted in the same spot for 45 minutes every 2 hours. Plus, I can't produce enough to feed them totally on breastmilk, so I kinda feel like a failure at that too. But, I give them some and I'm happy I can do that!

However, whenever I hear about a mom being removed or asked to leave from a public place for breastfeeding, my hackles go up. It's not like the kids are 12 and breastfeeding. They are babies!

What am I talking about? A mom being removed from an AIRPLANE after discreetly breastfeeding her 22 month old. She refused to be covered up, but honestly the ONLY person that could have seen her was the stewardess. And if you don't like it get over it!

Now I've heard all the crap about how it's a sexual thing and people don't want their children to see boobies because it's SEX. Bullshit! Breasts were made for feeding our children. Society has made them sexual. And if anybody would teach their children to not sexualize women, we wouldn't have this issue anyway. I have absolutely no problem with my boys seeing a baby being breastfed. I have several friends still breastfeeding and they all know I'm perfectly okay with them doing it in the boys prescence.

One of my other issues with my breastfeeding experience was how I felt the need to be removed from situations because I was breastfeeding...I had to go and hide and miss out on family time, etc. I hated that. So after a few months, I stopped. If you don't like to see my FEED your GRANDCHILD then you can leave.

Nobody bats an eye at a baby being fed from a bottle. This shouldn't be any different.

Binkies

Of course, being a mom there is always a ton of controversy surrounding the pacifier, binky, pacy, plug, etc, etc, etc.

I don't have a problem with them...except when they are used to shut the child up. Or if it's a case of a 5 year old using one at kindy.

I was a finger sucker and I always felt that it would have been easier to break the binky than the finger...so I wasn't too concerned when Zachary wanted his binky.

He actually didn't use one till he was about 10 months old and teething. It started as a teething toy for him and ended up being a soother.

But this isn't about how he started using it...but more how he stopped.

On June 16, 2005, about a month after Zachary's 3rd birthday, we got home late (like 8:45) so I stopped by McD's and got the boys some chicken nuggets. Zachary wanted to eat them outside...so we were sitting outside and I was like "oh I got something to tell you! Remember that party that we went to for Cousin Becky? and she was going to have a baby?"

He said "did the baby come?"

I said yes he did and his name is Cameron.

(now I should tell you've I've talked to Zachary about the binky fairy before this)

Zachary said "can the binky fairy come tonight and take my binkies to the new baby Cameron?"

I was shocked but said "Yes of course you can do that for baby Cameron!"

So we collected our binkies and called daddy to tell him what we were going to do (and I had to tell daddy to pick up a couple of "big boy toys" from the binky fairy) and then I got Ollie (Zachary's elephant that he's had since birth. It went everywhere with him).

Zachary said no, I don't want Ollie anymore (I almost started crying at that point!) He said give "Ollie to the baby Cameron too."

I said "no, we can keep Ollie" (even I have to keep him in my drawer somewhere...I won't get rid of Ollie)

So we put the binkies under the pillow in a baggie and we went to bed!!!!!!!! It took him almost 1 1/2 hours to go to sleep but he didn't try to get into his binkies...although he did take them out to look at them...and he didn't cry for them or anything!!! And it was all his idea! Chuck was like this is all so sudden I don't know how I feel about this...he was all choked up too...as was I ...it's like our baby isn't a baby anymore as of that night!

And after that he had found 2 or 3 binkies throughout the house and brought them to us for Baby Cameron. I would stick them in the cupboard and I think we just threw out the last one a month or so ago :)

So...I guess my point is...when they are ready to rid of them, they will.