Happy Birthday to Me!

Well, not many people know this but I turn 29 today!

Happy Happy Birthday to me!

I treated myself to a haircut and perm last weekend for a special birthday treat. It was nice....and I like it, mostly :)

And so we'll see how the rest of the day pans out! But for now, I'm still at work (1:39 am) and when I go home I'll go straight to bed and wake up at 11 am to get the boys and go about my day. I don't have the night off tomorrow (or today rather) so I'm sure it'll be kind of a ho-hum day...but I'm gonna try to make the most of it!


On my mom's board this week, there was a "fight club" posting about Obesity and how America is becoming an obese nation. It really irritates me to have people just say "you know what? Don't eat so much" For some, it's just not that easy. When reading this, please be kind. This is information that no one in my life besides my husband really even knows. Maybe I need to get out there and advocate for obese people and let everyone know it's not because we are all lazy.

I'm morbidly obese.

Yep, I said.

I'm 165 lbs overweight. I have battled this my ENTIRE LIFE. Weight Watchers when I was 12, exercise, sports, L A Weight Loss when I was 23 and between all those every freaking diet you can think of, imaginable. Cabbage soup diet, did it. Jello diet? Did that one too...

For some people being overweight is a matter of bad choices and overeating. My husband for example. He eats A LOT at one meal a day. And drank a lot of pop (he's cut that out almost entirely and lost quite a bit of weight).

But being obese for some is also a psycological issue. Everyone has accepted that anorexia is a disease but not obesity. Obesity is really just the opposite of anorexia with a lot of the same psychological issues. Control over your own life? Sure...I can eat that control. Can't control my emotions? Even more food, because I can control that.

Is it my fault that I'm overweight? Yep. But not because I necessarily overeat. Well, at least not all the time. But when I've gone to dr's and TRY to get help...they tell me to stop eating so much...and to not put sugar in my coffee, eat sugar cereals, etc, etc, etc...all things that I don't do anyways. My kids eat incredibly healthy...and yet, I have a weight problem.

When I bring up any shrink visits I've been told that all I need is will power and to not eat so much.

Well...let's see. (insert the skeletens in the closet) I used to hide food. Sneak it out of the garbage if necessary in order to eat things I wasn't "supposed to have". Have a secret little stash in my room in order for my brothers and dad to not make oinking noises when I ate. Oh yea, and my grandma that pretty much told me that I was going to never have a husband, boyfriend, family because I was a fat cow. And on the day that I turn 29, you might ask "do you still do those things?" Yes, I DO!!!! My husband is supportive of me and would NEVER make oinking noises and yet, I still find myself in my kitchen sometimes shoving food in in order for him to not know what I'm eating. Or sitting in the car before coming inside so that I can eat my brownie in peace without having to share it with the boys. Do I do this every day? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But I do...and I can guarantee you that I'm not thinking rationally when I do it. And feel incredibly guilty afterwards. Those all sound like psychological issues to me.

I have considered gastric bypass...but the problem I have with that is they STILL DO NOT address the psychological issues. So why should I put myself in a very dangerous situation without attacking the reasons I got so big in the first place? I'm ECSTATIC that insurance covers this though...and I think that it should be covered for certain people.

I DO NOT blame McD's, fast food or anything else. I blame myself...and the medical profession for not treating obesity as a medical/psychological issue. I should also mention that I typically do eat healthy...in fact my triglycerides and blood sugar are perfect...my blood pressure is low...the dr's are amazed at how healthy I am for being so obese. We eat healthy in my house and I DO NOT make eating a real focal point in any way because I don't want my boys to go through what I've gone through my whole life. We do occassionally have baked french fries and chicken nuggets for lunch...but 85-90% of the time we have fresh home made meals including fresh/frozen vegetable (not canned), fresh fruit, whole grains and protein. Oh and no juice. Only milk and water and the occassional sugar free lemonade.

It's a daily battle for me. One that I've cried over many, many, many times because I leave dr offices feeling like a horrible person. Why can't I control this? Why can't I just have will power? I've come to realize though that it is a disease for me and that I do need help.



Easter was SO much fun this year!!! We went to my parent's and there was none of the stress that I usually feel when going to the in-laws. I always feel like I have to be RIGHT on top of the boys there to make sure that they don't break something, or drip something on the white carpet, etc, etc. So at mom and dad's there is none of those worries. And everyone watches out for the boys.

Saturday afternoon we color Easter eggs...how much fun that was! The boys were so into it...and it really went by way too fast for everyone! I could NOT for the life of me get a picture with BOTH boys in it with their eggs...this was as good as it gets!

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Easter morning rolls around and Zachary wakes up asking "Is it Easter Egg day, today?" Yep!!!! So they go out into the hallway where the Easter bunny had laid a trail of eggs. Zachary and Lucas immediately started opening and eating!
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We hid 48 eggs in our living room!!! I have no idea how we fit all that many in there but we did. The boys had them all found within an hour too...which surprises me a little because I had to keep prodding them to find more. They kept wanting to play with or eat what was inside. Lucas didn't end up with as much candy in his basket only because he ate almost all of it as he found it!

I made easter candy again this year. Only 4 lbs worth...and considering I made 8 baskets this year...that's pretty good! I love doing Easter candy and it's a tradition that I picked up from my mom and hope to carry on throughout my boys and their kids too. I just think it means so much more getting something homemade and from the heart.

Then onto church where I loved service and the boys played well in the nursery.

Then mom and dad's. Where there were 48 more eggs to be found in their backyard. (12 per kid) And Great Grandma was there as well as Great Aunts and uncles and my nephews and one brother. It was quite and affair but everything was great....and we ate more candy :)

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Oh yea, and we spiked their hair with hair wax. The boys thought it was SOOOO cool...I'll have to do it again...but maybe next time I'll wait till their hair is summer cut and a little shorter :)

Sadness and Gladness

I love my boys. Truly and honestly I do. How can you not love this face?
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But I keep hearing about all these babies being born (another friend just had another baby...her second. She know has a boy and a girl) and it makes me sad to think I'm not having another one. And that I'll never have a daughter. But at the same time, I'm so glad to be blessed with the two miracles that we have now and at the same time a little relieved that I don't have to deal with the infant stage and waking up every 2 hours anymore, etc, etc. We are just getting to a point where Zachary and Lucas are able to play together and be somewhat sufficient and get a few minutes of peace to ourselves. And I LOVE that!!! But at the same time, it makes me sad. I guess I'm thinking about it more because all my friends seem to be getting preggo and having babies and that my "baby" is about to turn 2 in exactly a week. Where the heck does time go?

Lucas got his head stuck in the fence at daycare last week. Apparently a ball went through the fence, he tried to go after it and he stuck his head through and then couldn't get it out. One of the daycare workers jumped the fence and they ended up pulling his body through in order to get him out *LOL* Ah, the joys of boys!!! They said that I'll have my hands full when he gets a little older....I told them, he's my "easy" child. Zachary was WAY worse than Lucas is as far as getting into (and most of the time, out of) getting in trouble. I don't know whether it's the fact that they are boys, or that they are MY boys, or what...some people say we probably don't discipline enough. But, sometimes I think we are too harsh (and my mom agrees with me). But, boy oh boy they can get into some stuff. I think it's just because they are explorers and puzzle solvers and I don't squash that and their independence. All that will serve them very well later in life...it just makes it very frustrating right now!

We've been spending a ton of time outside since it's been sooo beautiful and it's been so good for everyone! There is kids behind us now and Nathan and Alaina have been coming over almost every night (with their parent's permission of course) so the boys have playmates too. I went and got my hair chopped off and permed on Saturday and when I came home the boys weren't in the house. Chuck said they are out back.

So I went out back and didn't see them.

I called their names....no answer.

Panic sets in....

My neighbor tells me that she saw the boys go over the fence but Daddy knew about it first.

So I talk to Chuck again. Apparently the boys were invited to go on a walk with the back neighbors. I don't know why (as the mom is one of Lucas' daycare teachers) but I was so nervous. I couldn't relax. I didn't know when the would be back and what would happen IF something happened? I guess I should get used to that feeling as the boys get older and go off more and more with friends.


Spring has DEFINITELY arrived!

How do I know?

*I'm taking more pictures! Seems like all my pictures are during the spring, summer and fall.
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*I'm outside almost all day long! Whenever I'm not sleeping, cooking (and even sometimes when I am cooking) or working I have been outside with the boys and loving it!
*I'm finding myself less and less on the pc and therefore spending less and less time blogging :(
*My depression has lifted! I'm once again the happy, go-lucky, bubbly person I used to be..well almost anyway!
*The sun is shining here in Michigan and today I went outside without shoes because it was 70 degrees! You can't beat that!
*The boys are waking up from their naps sweating from the warmth in the house!
*I got to go outside at lunchtime tonight at 9:30 pm with NO COAT ON and it was still warm!

Ah, I know I've been absent for a few days but like I said, I've not been inside much. I'm just so dang happy that it's warm and sunny and well, warm!

I've been taking pictures of the boys like crazy.
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We went bike riding one Saturday and made it a whole three blocks before Chuck's chain broke on his bike! I took them to feed the ducks at a little park in a nearby town.
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I'm just really enjoying being able to be at home with them during the day and spend some quality time with my boys instead of coming home, fixing dinner, giving them baths and putting them to bed. It just seems like now that I have this time with them, I wasn't getting ANY time with them before. And so far, so good. I'm getting enough sleep, having a little free Lisa time during naps, and all is good.

Lucas Michael is talking up a storm. He cracked me up today! Our next door neighbor has a little dog...I have no idea what kind it is but it can't weigh more than 5 lbs. Hairy little thing. Lucas said "CAT momma" and was pointing at the dog. I corrected him by saying "No sweetie, that's not a cat, that a dog." So we were packing into the car to go to daddy's work and switch shifts and when we drove by the neighbors house he said "BYE Cat-Dog!" Awww...too cute!

The only issues we are having right now is Zachary is growing (again!) and the stuttering has come back along with the bad attitude. I wonder why growth spurts make him stutter and be so dang cranky. And...Lucas Michael. He's biting. Twice in two days at daycare! They asked if we were having problems at home with him biting, NOPE! But he has been bitten 4 times in the last month so I'm wondering if he's not getting retaliation. I wouldn't put it past him. So, we had a little discussion about it today. Of course, being the fact he's almost two, I don't think it did any good :)

Until next time.....



Ah, my oldest son has found the joys of worms. Yep, it's been raining her in Michigan quite a bit the last few days (maybe even weeks) and it's warming up which means that the worms are coming out from underground. I have no aversion to worms or creepy crawly things at all...I actually tried to get him intersted last year in them. But, coming home from daycare this morning there were a TON of worms everywhere. Zachary picked them up and tried to bring them in the van. Um, no. Those worms LIVE here at school...you don't want to take them from their mommies and daddies do you?

But upon arriving home, he ran outside and found more worms. And brought them into the house. I shooed him out with the promise that I would take pictures of him and his worms. That made him happy :) It won't be too much longer and I'll be finding worms, snakes, and frogs in his pockets I'm sure!

He's been a riot lately. Almost every day has happened that made me laugh out loud at his words, antics or behavior.

He's been definitely picking up on things that we or his friends at school say. Such as:
*First things first.
*You're not coming to my party because you're not fair!
*You're not my best friend anymore! or the variation: If you do that, you'll be my best friend!

I was working with Lucas the other day to get him to say Thanks after he got something he asked for. I kept saying "Lucas, can you say THANKS?" All to absolutely no avail! Zachary was sitting there and asked "Lucas, can you say Refrigerator?" Chuck and I about died laughing and Lucas did too...although he had no idea why. I explained to Zachary that if I couldn't get him to say a simple word, maybe refrigerator was too much.

He also decided last week to clip his own fingernails. Zachary HATES having me cut them for him..he is a big boy, afterall. Well, needless to say, he clipped a little too short. I was on the phone with an old friend and Zachary said he needed a bandaid (he always needs a bandaid!) So he went into the bathroom and was in the cupboard rummaging around and yelled to me that he needed a smaller bandaid. I was a little confused but he forgot about the bandaid and so did I. Until....I went into the bathroom to go potty and found 5 pantyliners with the backs off lying around...guess he did need a smaller bandaid!

The next day, he decided to cook his own breakfast while I was still sleeping. He had to stay home from daycare since he had thrown up the night before. He had come into my room and asked for a fork for his pie. I thought he meant cake from the night before. So a little while later, I go into the living room and he knew exactly what he had meant. Zachary had gotten two chicken pot pies from the freezer, put them on a paper plate, microwaved them and was eating them and watching Monsters, Inc. when I came in. Well, at least I know my oldest will be very self-sufficient.

He's been a joy lately. I'm glad he's almost 4 and maybe we are past the torrentous threes!

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