We went to church this weekend. It's been a few weekends since we've been, mostly because we've been out of town almost every weekend for holidays or post-holiday functions. However, I love going to church. I can almost always find something within the sermon that pertains very specifically to my life. I was not disappointed.
God works in very mysterious ways. Hot on the heels of my post regarding anxiety/anger attacks and possible depression, Sunday's sermon was regarding anxiety and stress. Deacon Andy broke down all the stresses/anxieties we have in our lives and according to surveys/studies only 8% of anxiety is warranted. 8%. He concluded with the message of offer up all your anxiety to the Lord and rely on him to help. I prayed about that during our quiet time after Communion. And he's right. I only need to trust and have faith that God has a plan for me and to try to work towards that plan.
I am also trying to figure out our current daycare/work arrangements. I'm concerned about the boys in the current daycare and then there's a position that opened up on days for Chuck and on nights, again, for me. What to do? I've been stressing about the right decision for the family. One of the lines in our hymns this weekend was "Don't be afraid. I will always go before you." I felt that message go straight to my heart.
Now we come to the other message that goes straight to my heart, everytime single time I go to church. And that is that these deep seeded feelings that we're not done having children. I don't know whether it's my desire to have a little girl (and there are TONS of baby girls in church) or that God has a plan for us yet. Chuck and I have decided that we were through having children. But we both would love a little girl; however, there are so many factors. Like our sanity. Like having children is expensive. Like we don't have enough room for another child in our home. Like our sanity (I know I already mentioned that, but it's worth repeating!) There's days when we both have our hands so full with the two boys that I am wondering how we can handle them. Who thought that we were ready for these two children? And yet, there is that feeling I have when I walk into the church. (Chuck says we should just stop going to church so I'll stop having these feelings :)) I have baby pains sometimes, where I'm holding a baby and think I like this. I want to do this again. But it's nothing compared to the knowledge I have when within the house of God that I'm not done.
4 days ago