2006-01-22

Weighty Issues

There has been something that has been weighing on my mind very heavily for the last 2 weeks but even more so within the last 2 days. See, while my weight still continues to rise much to my dismay and wondermont, my husband's weight is steadily dropping-dramatically! At the beginning of last year he was squeezing into a size 50 pant, now...just this weekend...he got into a size 44 pant. And I'm sure he's dropped at least one shirt size...although he's still wearing his old ones. He was diagnosed bi-polar last September or so and we went through a rough time of wrong medications...but they've got him on this new medication that causes the takers to lose 2-3 lbs per week (and is working wonderful for as his mood stabilizer). Plus, eating better along with me and the boys and giving up regular Mt. Dew have caused a great weight loss. Don't get me wrong. I'm ECSTATIC that he's getting healthier and losing weight so we have less of a chance of dealing with the diabetes that afflicts his dad...but a part of me, a large part today, is incredibly jealous and down right pissy about it. But, then again, everything is seeming to bother me more this month. But some of it comes from the fact he's been dancing around for two days singing "I'm too sexy for my pants..." and the likes of that. Some of it has been from his comment of "Wow, you HAVE gained a lot of weight in a short amount of time" when I told him I could fit in the same pants he's wearing when I came home from the hospital after having Lucas less than 2 years ago (that wasn't meant to be derogatory and I know that...it's more concern of why my weight has increased so fast...but it still hurts) and some of it comes from hearing him tell his friend on the phone tonight "well, my wife is a lot bigger so it took longer to feel the baby through all those layers" which is the truth but like I said...it still hurts. Some of my jealousy and yes, a little fear, comes from the fact that I'm AFRAID that he's going to get skinny and hot, and leave me for someone smaller. I know that's an irrational fear because he loves me dearly and I know that, but that's where my self-esteems issues come into play I guess. He knows how upset I am by him losing and me NOT and has told me that he'll stop if I want him to be fat :) Which I of course don't. I want him to be healthy....I just wish I was doing as well as he is. I'm starting to think I need his shrink to start slipping me some of those magic pills!!!!!! So that's it. And of course the more upset I get, the more I eat because that's my one comfort item anymore. Some people smoke (gave that up 4 1/2 years ago), some people drink (well sure that sounds good but who can deal with a hangover and two toddlers? Plus, I'm not that big of a drinker) but I eat. So I guess I need to break that cycle first.

2 comments:

nzmommy said...

Wow, Liza, I know where you are at. I'm sooooooo over my flab but I'm not in a state of mind to deal with it either. I'm not sure what I will do. I won't have another baby until I lose some of it. So obviously even that isn't a big enough driving force because I'm not doing as much as I could. I have a thyroid condition and I don't believe that helps although my doctor seems to think it shouldn't be a hinderance. Yeah, whatever!

Hubby should watch what he says. Even though it may be true he sure as heck shouldn't be saying things like that. I would KILL mine if I EVER heard him say those things. I know your fears though. I live them too. I almost never want to move back to the States for fear that DH will find another American without the weighty issues! Hang in there and chin up ;)

MOM said...

HEY, IT IS HARDER FOR YOU THAN MOST....CUZ IT IS IN YOUR GENES! NEVER STOP TRYING....& SHOW HIM... HEY YOU'RE STUBBORN, SHOW THEM ALL!
LUV
MOM

 

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