2010-03-31

Time keeps on rolling.....

First of, I should probably apologize. Not that I have any readers left, but maybe someone still might check in. It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. There’s definitely been times in the last 2 months that I’ve seen something that made me say “oh! I need to blog that!” but time seems to get away from me much quicker now than ever before. Plus, I think the lexapro has been a huge help in me being a calmer, gentler Lisa with less to bitch about.

However, I’ve not taken my lexapro for a couple weeks now. Not because I don’t have it. Not because I don’t still NEED it. But you’ve probably heard the story before about people stopping their meds because they feel so much better? Yea, well……

But today for some reason, things are getting emotional for me. I feel like a huge ball of emotions and at any moment I’m going to start crying. Probably my damn period coming on (sorry, TMI) but it usually does it to me.

So what’s happening that’s causing this sadness? Well, where should I start?

Four weeks ago, my grandma was diagnosed with brain cancer…the most aggressive type of brain cancer too. So, after going to the hospital with a suspected stroke, we found out about the brain cancer and the fact she had 30-60 days of life left. Even though I’m not really close to this grandma, the idea of losing my grandma has taken me a bit aback. I do love her and have very fond memories of her home as a child and special things she did for us (i.e. Halloween Treat bags!) Now 30 days has gone by and I went to visit her on Sunday and had to hold myself in check the entire time I was there so as not to burst out in tears. My grandma is already gone. Sure, her body is there. The shell of the person she used to be but she’s gone. What’s left is someone who resembles an old person with the mind of an infant. She has to be fed, changed, cannot speak or struggles desperately to speak and when she can’t she becomes so extremely frustrated. I do believe that somewhere in her brain that’s not affected by the tumor she remembers what things *should* be like and that makes it even sadder for me. I do hope that the good Lord finds in his heart to allow her to slip away peacefully in her sleep soon before pain sets in as well as this loss of person.

And then Easter is on Sunday. My mom and dad are spending Easter with my Grandma, aunt and uncles. But, the general consensus is that Grandma cannot handle having all the grandkids around nor do the kids really need to see her in that state…allowing them to remember Great Grandma as she was. We aren’t visiting Chuck’s family either. And our friends that were visiting for dinner are no longer. So for the first time in my life, literally, we have no place to go for Easter but our own home. I’m saddened by this; especially after spending Christmas without family as well since Chuck, Elizabeth and myself were very sick for all of Christmas break. I feel let down…but maybe I can find some fun things to do with the kids to make this Easter a memorable one for them.

Lastly, Parent Teacher conferences were last night at school. Lucas is “simply enjoyable and easily the student at the top of the class!” and is reading and sounding out words like nobody’s business and has 58 out of 25 sight words already memorized. I’m so proud of him.

Zachary, on the other hand, is a different story. Problem is his teacher and Chuck and I have different reasons on why we believe he’s having difficulties. OUR assertion is that a) he’s either not understanding what is being required of him or b) the process of getting something from his brain to the paper in writing assignments is not working. His teacher; however, feels that Zachary is not trying and being stubborn and obstinate that “goes beyond his mood disorder”. WE tried to explain to her the difficulties in writing and how it can be difficult but she’ll have none of it.

So, it saddens me that someone so bright is being given up on as a lost cause (by his teacher only!) because he’s “not trying” vs maybe finding some new way to break into his world and help him to understand or learn a new way to write. Luckily, the special ed resource teacher seems to be more understanding. I’m glad that she’s getting involved as well…it’s about time.

I will end in a positive note though! I’m trying to turn a new leaf and find the positives as well J My Pure Romance business is taking off leaps and bounds and just this month I earned enough profit to buy the family a wall mount flat screen t.v. It’s WONDERFUL. And I can’t wait until this weekend when we mount it and gain some room in our living room!

I’m making a commitment to blogging again. As I’m trying to get Zachary to journal nightly, I’ll take the time to journal with him. Practice what you preach….plus I’m sure he’ll love looking back on my thoughts and journals when he gets older as I love reviewing my grandma’s things….

So until then....Keep on buzzing….

Lisa

60 comments:

Debbie said...

I'm so sorry about your grandma. I will keep her in my thoughts.

Zachary is going to be fantastic... just a bump in the road with this teacher. But with you two as his parents there is no WAY he won't succeed and grow into a bright, funny, kind and handsome young man. Hang in there, Lisa!!!!

MOM said...

get back on your meds!!!! You will all be fine....

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