Obesity

On my mom's board this week, there was a "fight club" posting about Obesity and how America is becoming an obese nation. It really irritates me to have people just say "you know what? Don't eat so much" For some, it's just not that easy. When reading this, please be kind. This is information that no one in my life besides my husband really even knows. Maybe I need to get out there and advocate for obese people and let everyone know it's not because we are all lazy.

I'm morbidly obese.

Yep, I said.

I'm 165 lbs overweight. I have battled this my ENTIRE LIFE. Weight Watchers when I was 12, exercise, sports, L A Weight Loss when I was 23 and between all those every freaking diet you can think of, imaginable. Cabbage soup diet, did it. Jello diet? Did that one too...

For some people being overweight is a matter of bad choices and overeating. My husband for example. He eats A LOT at one meal a day. And drank a lot of pop (he's cut that out almost entirely and lost quite a bit of weight).

But being obese for some is also a psycological issue. Everyone has accepted that anorexia is a disease but not obesity. Obesity is really just the opposite of anorexia with a lot of the same psychological issues. Control over your own life? Sure...I can eat that control. Can't control my emotions? Even more food, because I can control that.

Is it my fault that I'm overweight? Yep. But not because I necessarily overeat. Well, at least not all the time. But when I've gone to dr's and TRY to get help...they tell me to stop eating so much...and to not put sugar in my coffee, eat sugar cereals, etc, etc, etc...all things that I don't do anyways. My kids eat incredibly healthy...and yet, I have a weight problem.

When I bring up any shrink visits I've been told that all I need is will power and to not eat so much.

Well...let's see. (insert the skeletens in the closet) I used to hide food. Sneak it out of the garbage if necessary in order to eat things I wasn't "supposed to have". Have a secret little stash in my room in order for my brothers and dad to not make oinking noises when I ate. Oh yea, and my grandma that pretty much told me that I was going to never have a husband, boyfriend, family because I was a fat cow. And on the day that I turn 29, you might ask "do you still do those things?" Yes, I DO!!!! My husband is supportive of me and would NEVER make oinking noises and yet, I still find myself in my kitchen sometimes shoving food in in order for him to not know what I'm eating. Or sitting in the car before coming inside so that I can eat my brownie in peace without having to share it with the boys. Do I do this every day? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But I do...and I can guarantee you that I'm not thinking rationally when I do it. And feel incredibly guilty afterwards. Those all sound like psychological issues to me.

I have considered gastric bypass...but the problem I have with that is they STILL DO NOT address the psychological issues. So why should I put myself in a very dangerous situation without attacking the reasons I got so big in the first place? I'm ECSTATIC that insurance covers this though...and I think that it should be covered for certain people.

I DO NOT blame McD's, fast food or anything else. I blame myself...and the medical profession for not treating obesity as a medical/psychological issue. I should also mention that I typically do eat healthy...in fact my triglycerides and blood sugar are perfect...my blood pressure is low...the dr's are amazed at how healthy I am for being so obese. We eat healthy in my house and I DO NOT make eating a real focal point in any way because I don't want my boys to go through what I've gone through my whole life. We do occassionally have baked french fries and chicken nuggets for lunch...but 85-90% of the time we have fresh home made meals including fresh/frozen vegetable (not canned), fresh fruit, whole grains and protein. Oh and no juice. Only milk and water and the occassional sugar free lemonade.

It's a daily battle for me. One that I've cried over many, many, many times because I leave dr offices feeling like a horrible person. Why can't I control this? Why can't I just have will power? I've come to realize though that it is a disease for me and that I do need help.