Dear Zachary

As I look past on your last four years on this earth with your daddy and I, I can’t help but cry. Not from sadness necessarily, (well a little sadness) but also from joy! You’ve grown into our little man instead of being our “baby”. I’m so proud of the things that you have already learned and accomplished! Just within this last year you’ve done so much.

Your first day of pre-school. How proud you were of going to school and being able to be there without Mommy and Daddy. I looked around the room on that first day and saw so many other children clinging, sobbing on their mommy’s or daddy’s pant leg. Yet, off you ran. It made me a little sad. Things were changing. You didn’t need me anymore. But truth is, you did need me. You needed me to allow you to be independent and become your own person yet guide you and mold you into a good person. On the way home, I thought about it and realized that I’m sooo glad you didn’t cling to me. Because it meant that you were secure in the fact that we would be back to get you. Mommy ALWAYS comes back.

You also saw your first day of full-fledge daycare. That scared me. I didn’t want to have someone besides your daddy and me to have influence over you…and maybe, just maybe, to get to know you better than we did. It was a rough few weeks in the beginning considering that you don’t really like change. The other boys didn’t want to allow you into their groups because you were “new”. Yet, now just 6 months later you are friends with everybody. It warms my heart to no end to go and pick you up from preschool and hear everybody in the room say good-bye and at least 2 or 3 of your classmates come running over to give you hugs. It shows me that you are sociable, friendly, and well-adjusted.

We also spent our first summer as a family in our very own home. You loved playing in the kiddie swimming pool and I was definitely one COOL mom when I put the plastic slide in the swimming pool and made a water slide. You got to play on your swingset all year long and I remember you telling me “Thank you SOOO much momma for getting me my swingset. And thank you to Grandma and Grandpa and Daddy too!” I love hearing those words from you. Not because I need the gratification, but because you are growing up appreciating those things that you have and more importantly the people who love you soo much. Over the last year, you have really learned how to express your feelings of gratitude and sympathy and shown that you are a very caring and very sensitive little boy (most of the time! We all have our moments!)

While during the summer, I was the coolest mom ever, during the fall and winter I was “Not your best friend anymore!!!” I thought I would be crushed the first time I heard you say “I hate you” or “you’re not my best friend” and I wasn’t. Do you know why? Because you are not going to like me all the time…but I know that you will always love me, as I love you. We told you “that’s okay, because I don’t need to be your best friend. I do need to be your mom.” You also tried pulling the “well, you can’t come to my party then!” line with us too. That didn’t last long as we explained that unless we were there, there would be no one to pay for the party and therefore no party. You have learned the value of the dollar very quickly, little man!

You learn very quickly. On everything you do. I’m so proud of the fact that you can fully write your name. And yet, I go to school and hear reports that you can’t! Wait a minute, I think, WHY? So your daddy and I discussed the problems with you and come to find out, if you don’t know how to do it, they spend one on one time with you and you adore that. You’ve learned how to manipulate people better than a lot of adults I know! You’ve also tried pulling the “Lucas is setting a bad example” line with me. But as we know, that doesn’t fly! But over the year, you have continually showed your extreme intelligence and fast learning. I was AMAZED the first time I gave you a maze last summer and you looked at it for about 10 seconds and drew a line from the beginning to the end with no mistakes and no instruction. Zachary, you have really developed an aptitude for working out puzzles and problems and I know that that kind of abstract thinking will serve you soooo well in your life.

I know that things have not always been easy this last year. And I know that I have made mistakes. I will continue to make mistakes throughout your life. How do I know? Because I am growing with you. You teach me soo much every single day. Some days I think you teach more than I am teaching you. Having you and raising you has allowed me to grow and become a better mom and person. I love you, Zachary. More than words could ever tell.

Happy 4th Birthday!
I love you.