The Chocolate Monster

I’m starting to get a little frustrated. Well, more than a little really.

See 3 weeks ago, I visited a friend in DC; in this friend’s apartment were mirrors. LOTS of mirrors. Everywhere I turned I saw my reflection, and honestly, after not seeing my full reflection (except in pictures) regularly in more than a year, I was more than a little disgusted with how much weight I’ve gained.

For some reason, while I am pregnant, I lose weight and once I am no longer pregnant I gain. And I gain A LOT.

So on my way home, I made a decision to lose weight. I’m healthy…my cholesterol is 117. My blood pressure is 102/70. My blood sugar is perfect. Rarely do I let my weight get me down.

But I’m finding it harder to do things. Cedar point is completely out of the question, for example, until I lose enough weight to fit on the rides. I go hiking with the family, but am always well behind (usually I’m carrying or pushing or backpacking Elizabeth, but still). I want to look hot for my husband.

So, three weeks ago I started counting my calories. Eating smaller portions, better foods, getting in more fruits and veggies and less fast food/junk food. And I’ve done well staying below my calories almost every single day. (this weekend was harder as I was camping with the folks. But I did try to make good decisions).

I feel like my clothes are fitting me differently too.

So why am I frustrated? Because I cannot visibly SEE the weight on the scale going down. The scales that are close to me (at home and at work) don’t go up to my weight so I have no idea where I’m at. Whether I should start cutting more calories. Whether I’m losing anything at all.

Part of me wants to say screw it. What’s it matter anyway? The other part of me is encouraging me to go on…afterall, my pants feel looser right?

So, how (on days when I am craving chocolate) do I not give in to the defeated, loser feelings? Any suggestions?


Hannah said...

Good on you, Lisa! I know how hard it is to lose weight. But accountability is a BIG one. Even if you can't afford to go to weekly Weight Watchers meetings or a Slimming Club, it helps just having a friend or colleague who knows you are trying to lose weight, and is happy for you to check in on a regular basis. My mum works as a medical receptionist at a doctor's surgery, and she "weighs in" with the practice nurse (her good friend) once a week. It costs her nothing!
And don't worry too much about the scales. If your clothes are fitting better, that's a better indication of success. You're doing great!

Lisa said...

Do you have a dr that will let you weigh at their office?

Michaela said...

Stopping by from SITS to say hi. It sounds like it's working great for you so far. If you notice your clothes fitting looser and better, then I would say screw the scales for now, those can be deceiving anyway (muscle weighs more than fat etc... etc...) Great job so far!!

Anonymous said...

I agree. If your pants are fitting better, then don't worry about the scales. It makes you more depressed when you try & nothing. Just keep trying. Craving Choc... have just one! See if others want to try loosing #. Have a monthly or weekly weigh in. Or Ck in w/the Biggest Looser.com to see what they can offer.

Anonymous said...

HANG IN THERE!!! I hope the words of encouragement help, but really you will have days like that.. and then there will be days in which you will soar. do something you love.. for me its Roller Derby, but do something you really enjoy getting up and doing to work out and make yourself feel good.. try things you never thought of before.. spinning? try it! weight lifting? try it!
Definitly get a support system... are there other issues you think may contribute to this? Stress, over eating,? try to identify those things and it may become more managable.


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