Communication in Sex: Hump Day Help

As most therapists will tell you, communication is key in a successful marriage/relationship. However, I’m a strong believer that communication is very important in a healthy sex life too; it may be one of the hardest aspects to achieve in your relationship though.

Often, lovers do not tell each other their likes, dislikes, desires or fantasies for many different reasons: fear of rejection, fear of disapproval, fear of offending the other party, among many others. Everyone has their own reason that I’m sure you could add in there.

But communication in regards to sex is very important to get exactly what you are need of out of the sexual relationship. By communicating your desires or dislikes, not only can you reach your peak easier, but feel more connected with your partner as the niggling little comments (like: Geesh, why can’t he seem to get it right? Doesn’t he know the spot to hit? Eeek…that’s so irritating!) are gone. Because chances are your partner doesn’t know! Cluing your partner in on what works for you will take a lot of honesty and patience though.

There are some fun ways to open up the lines of communication, however. Pure Romance, for example, has a line of games that are designed to do just that. The Date Night Game is perfect for couples looking to leave all inhibitions at the door and learn something about your lover that you never knew before.

Already feel comfortable talking to your partner about sex? Here's some tips on how to make sex better by communicating.Non-verbal communication:

Experts say that 70% of communication is non-verbal. This type of communication can be something as simple as a suggestive wink to let him know you are "in the mood" or wearing a piece of lingerie or the perfume that he loves.

Giving Directions

It is perfectly acceptable to tell your partner what you like during sex. Unless you are in bed with a psychic, chances are they cannot read your mind on what you like and dislike. Tell them!

If you are in the throes of passion, it might not suffice to get all technical; instead, something as simple as placing his hand where you need or want it to be will work. You can also give verbal clues like "yes, kiss me there, right there!" That's letting him know that X marks the spot so he can go back to that again.

The Out-of-Bed Discussions

Many sexual problems can be solved simply by discussing them. If you are having a complete disconnect and giving directions or non-verbal clues isn't working. Maybe it's time to sit down and have a heart to heart with your mate.

You will definitely want to start with what they are doing right. No one wants to feel inadequate in the bedroom so start off with the things that really work for you and continue on to the things that could use some work. Avoid negativity. Instead of saying "You don't ever kiss the back of my neck." you could say "I really enjoy it when you kiss the back of my neck". That's letting him know your wants without him going on the defensive.

Things to Remember

Think openly. Some men and women enjoy different things during sex whether it being tied up or a use of toys. If your mate has disclosed a desire to do something you may not have done before, revolting away from him will close down all lines of communication from there on out. While you shouldn't do anything you feel uncomfortable with, making your partner feel "dirty" about their desires isn't good for your relationship.

Just because you had this all figured out when you first got together doesn't mean all the same things will work now. Review each others likes and dislikes occasionally. Things can change.

Finding an open line of sexual communication that works for both you and your partner may be the beginning of a much stronger, happier sex life for you. Enjoy it.

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