In case you were wondering....

I'm still pregnant.

Yep, no little girl over here yet. I know, I know I'm only 37 weeks but OMG come on already! I'm really not comfortable much anymore. Seems like the best sleep I get is in the lazy boy between 7 am (when Zachary has been waking me up) and 9:00 am when I have to take him to preschool! But I can feel her moving around in there, making me realize that it's a little person and she'll come when she's good and ready. Even if it is closer to her actual due date!

I've had some nesting instinct. I guess you could say that anyways! I've cleaned my kitchen from top to bottom, literally. Washed the walls, the floor, the cupboards, all the appliances, the windows and the curtain. I've cleaned the bathroom the same way and got down on my hands and knees last weekend to clean behind the toilet and the sink. I've washed down all the doors and gotten all the cobwebs and fuzzies from every nook and cranny in every room. I've dusted the living room furniture and today went through and polished and conditioned all the wood. I don't think my house has been this cleaned since we moved in!

But, at this point if she wants to wait until after the ninth I think I'd be okay with that. Tomorrow is my 30th birthday. I really would rather go out for dinner on my 30th bday than have a baby. May 1 is Luke's 3rd birthday. May 5 is Luke and Zachary's birthday party and then May 9 is Zachary's 5th birthday. So, if we can hold off till after all that and allow the boys to have their own special days and a great party, I'd be okay with that.

Last weekend I was starting to get really really nervous about labor and delivery. Trying to determine how much it was going to hurt. How bad I wanted to try with no painkillers this time. How much it was going to hurt ;) But I guess I've calmed about that now. I know what's going to happen is going to happen with labor. Nothing I can really do to stop it. If only I could feel that calm about the rest of the 3 weeks!!

Random Facts about yours truly!

So, a big thank you to Hannah for giving me the topic of my post today! She tagged me on her blog so I figured I should probably make a go of this and give you all some tasty little tidbits about my life.

Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!

1. When I was about 7 years old, my brother and I were racing to the house. I beat him. He punched me in the back. Back then, when I cried I would literally stop breathing as well. Which I did. And then I passed out and collapsed face first onto the concrete. My gums bled for hours and all my front teeth were loose. I had to be rushed to the dentist and from that point on, my teeth have always been weaker and I have LOTS of chips in them from that day...and other fights...with my brothers.

2. I'm a Mt. Dew-aholic. I really tried to cut that down during this pregnancy but until recently I was still drinking a 20 oz a day. Now Chuck is trying to cut it out as well (he's a Mt. Dew-aholic too) so I'm not drinking it either!

3. I talk to myself in the shower. I have some of my absolute best thoughts, ideas and conversation replays in the shower. I think it's because it's one of the few times of the day that I'm totally relaxed and ALONE. I've always done this. That's probably why my showers take 25 minutes.

4. I'm a slob. I really am and always have been. The last 3 days however, I've become a bit of a neat freak. Can you say "nesting instinct"? Hehehehe.

5. I like to eat. Well, not so much at this moment because I feel like a huge bloated whale and putting food into my mouth takes a lot of energy, but normally I am. I've blogged about this before. I love sweets. But not chocolate.

6. I lost my virginity to my husband. Not many people in this country can say that. Well, at least not many my age.

7. I raised rabbits when I was younger. A lot of them. Like over 300 at my prime of show days. I was National Rabbit Queen...and at that point in time, I was the youngest queen ever. I still wish somedays I was showing. But it's pretty time consuming. I still get asked to judge 4-H events occassionally, but when I was 16 I was on my way to becoming a sanctioned judge. I decided not to go through with it because of school, college etc. Now I kinda wished I had.

Now I get to tag people...but I don't know many people reading my blog anymore! I've been so sporadic in writing. So here I go...MLA, Christi, NoName, Julie, Diana. (Okay, so that's only 5 but I can't think of anymore that haven't done it or been tagged already!)

Virginia Tech shootings

It's a tragedy.

That much is absolutely for sure.

But this is also a tragedy that could have, possibly, been avoided. How?

Not by taking away weapons, or even semi-automatic weapons, from the citizens of our FREE country. But by paying attention to people. In today’s day and age, everyone is only concerned about themselves. I’m guilty of that as well. If it’s not directly affecting myself, my family or my friends, I have a hard time feeling directly affected by the events. However, within recent years that’s changed a bit (definitely since 9/11).

Professors who noticed this man’s strange and dangerous behavior needed to do something. People who recommended that he seek counseling should have notified the school. There were lots of clues that they were dealing with a completely unstable individual. He was loosely linked to 2 bomb threats. Within a campus, professors, teachers and law enforcement need to be working together and have good, open communication.

Because taking away guns, that were purchased legally, would not have stopped this tragedy. This man was hell-bent on creating panic, killing people and making a name for himself. And the media has done that for him, that’s for sure. Someone who is going to go through the process to legally purchase guns, think ahead of time to take locks and chains with him to the engineering building and write a rambling suicide note, would have very well carried out this mission by building a bomb and could have killed lots more people. Or for that matter, he could have gone on a rampage across campus in his car running pedestrians over and killing several people. He also could have just as easily taken a hunting rifle or shotgun and killed just as many people. I read another’s opinion about how the gun-toting amendment to the Declaration of Independence was written for foreign terrorists and NOT for someone stepping on your shoes. I believe that statement to be half right. It wasn’t meant for people to be vigilantes and kill someone for looking at them the wrong way. However, it wasn’t written for foreign terrorists. It was written for the citizens to have the ability to overthrow the government. It was written so that in the absence of law enforcement, people could defend themselves (ever have anybody break into your home. Where’s the police at that exact moment?)

So is the cure for this eliminating all guns from the hands of the citizens? I don’t believe so. Guns are absolutely overused in today’s society. But removing them all together? Then the only people who would have guns would be criminals. But the guns would still be there. And no, I'm not a gun-toting, hunting, backwoods redneck who has a gun rack on the back of their F-150. In fact, I've never owned a gun, never shot a gun, never held a gun. But that doesn't mean that I don't feel I should have the RIGHT to own one.

I think it’s for people to start looking around them and paying attention. For people to not think “oh, it’s somebody else’s problem that he’s crazy”. For the media and the citizens at large not to sensationalize the horrible news every chance they get and turn these people into celebrities, even if for only that “5 minutes of fame”. To think that people don’t go on these homicidal, suicidal rampages for some type of fame is absolutely asinine. There are actually cases reported of the criminals bragging about how they stumped police, how everyone was watching their every move. The sad thing is you do not very often see the reverse of the coin being held true. The teens or adults who are trying to make a difference just don’t get that type of news time. WHY? Because it’s not sensational enough.

There is one more thing that irks me a bit. And it’s loosely tied into this topic, among some others. My husband is a bit of a conservative. I think on some issues I’m even more conservative than he is though. I’m so fed up with hearing things like “Oh, I guess that’s Chuck talking”, or “well, no wonder you feel that way, look who you’re married to”. It’s true that I didn’t take any active opinions about political or hot topic issues until I met my husband almost 10 years ago. But, I’ve become even more opinionated since I’ve had the kids. Maybe I feel I have a responsibility to them and to society to raise them to be educated, informed citizens. Whatever the reason though, I do have a mind. I’m almost 30 years old , I’m not a child. I can make decisions for myself and Chuck will be the first one to tell you that I’m not easily swayed once I’ve read the information and made an opinion on that. Even if it is different from his. So, stick it up your ass. How’s that for childish behavior?

Counseling

Okay, soooo not what I expected out of today. I was REALLY hoping for the counselor to say "oooooh, you're having anger problems. Here this is what you do now go on your way."

Now, I'm not saying that I expected that, but a girl can hope right? But instead I got stuck with a bit of a moron who was asking all kinds of questions about my family, my past, alchohol and drug use (there isn't any...I'm so boring), and marriage/homelife questions.

He got to one part that seriously cracked me up. He was asking all these questions about my past, how my relationship was/is with my family, etc, etc, etc. Then onto my marriage. I answer truthfully and he says "Now, I have to ask a personal question."

Um, hello? Like the rest of the questions weren't personal? Or maybe I just told him way more information than he needed.

However, the question was : Do you have a healthy sex life?

I said "yes" immediately.

Then thought about it for a minute and asked what exactly he defined as "healthy". He said "well, what do you mean?"

I explained, after some deep thought at how to approach it delicately, that our sex life is a little untraditional. He seemed VERY taken aback and made a couple of remarks that sounded a little judgemental to me. I explained that if he was asking if our sex life was consistent, then yes. We don't have any problems in that area. He seemed satisfied with that answer :)

But needless to say, I didn't resolve anything today except to make 2 appts for next week. *sigh* Between my weekly midwife appts, Zachary's psychologist appts, and now the counseling appts I'm going to be zapped for time. Just when I feel like I need time more than ever.

That was another question that kinda threw me for a loop. What do I do for a social life. I answered honestly "What social life?" He threw out options...do you go out with work friends? Friends from school? Anything?

I know this is part of my problem. I don't feel I have time to do those things. I went out March 31 for the first time with the girls in months and had a GREAT time. But I don't do it often. As for going out after work...have you ever tried to go out with friends at 1 am? In a small town? And then try to get up at 7:30-8:00 am with 2 young and active boys? Yea, not that easy.

Weekends for me are family time. I guess that comes into play because we don't have ANY family time during the week, so I feel we have to make up for it on the weekends. But also, my college and high school friends and I are kinda on different paths in our lives. And my mom friends, who are my support most days, are usually via online and they have children, families, husbands and really busy lives of their own on the weekend. There are Mom Night Outs planned during the week....while I'm working. So that doesn't help much. Add into the fact that IF we have a sitter and can afford some recreation, I'd really prefer the company of my husband over most women. I guess that's a good thing though. I feel like we don't get to see each other enough as it is, so why wouldn't I want to spend any extra time we can find with him? But it does make for one boring and burned out Lisa. But I just don't know how to fit that "me" time in.

So maybe the therapist will offer her services as a sitter for free, and give us money to go out with a bunch of friends and go hiking for the afternoon, then on to painting pottery before hitting a really nice resturant for dinner and then onto the movies.

But I won't hold my breath for that.

34 Week appt ++++

A lot is going on.

Chuck and I are struggling a little in our marriage. That portion of my life has been a little out of control and very emotionally trying and well, different. However, I do feel like things have been said that should have been said for a long time and that maybe finally everything is in the open. There are a lot of hurt feelings but maybe we have finally HEARD each other instead of just yelling at each other. My hope is that we can build a stronger relationship based on trust, honesty and appreciation of one another. I'm going to be starting anger counseling on Wednesday and I'm kinda looking forward to learning better ways to control that part of my personality...because honestly it's not something I like very well about myself.

Chuck and I went to see the pscyhologist regarding Zachary last Friday. He was reassuring. Even though he had no answers for us, he took us seriously and didn't brush off our concerns. He said that we have reason for concern with family history and the differences that we see in Zachary compared to other kids and even his own brother. It doesn't make Zachary a bad kid. It's makes him a unique kid....or like Zachary told a cashier one day "Yep, I'm a really special kid". And he is. We go back later this week to do our first session with Zachary at the dr's office. I'm nervous. Doc wants to video tape us interacting with Zachary...and quite frankly, that kinda scares me. I don't feel I interact with him well at all. What's the dr. going to think if I can't even interact with my own son? But then again, he has a son with special needs as well, so he's probably gone through that before.

Today was my 34 week appt. I'm actually 34 weeks and 4 days...but who's counting? Me!!! That's who!

Last night I was in so much pain in my back, I was on my hands and knees in bed seriously in tears. I thought maybe it was my kidneys but Sameerah didn't think so because change of position wouldn't have released the pain even a little. So I have no idea what it was. Plus, I had so much gas pain and diarrhea yesterday I was miserable. I was wondering if maybe I'd go early considering I remember feeling kinda like that before the boys...but no such luck.

I'm ready for this pregnancy to be over. I loved being pregnant with the boys that it's making me kinda sad to want this one to be over with.

Everything was good at the dr. today. I lost the 3 # that I gained last time and my BP was 108/68..perfect for me. Baby's heartbeat is in the 130's. I was complaining to Sameerah though about how much pain I'm in by the end of the day...some days I can't hardly walk out from work because of such abdominal muscular pain. She had me do a crunch and lo and behold I have a severe abdominal muscle seperation. (I wonder if this is also the reason that it hurts when Lucas sticks his finger in my belly button to "play" with Baby Elizabeth...I did that tonight and you CAN feel weird stuff in there...I don't think that's normal!) She said it won't create any problems with labor and delivery, but Chuck brought up some interesting questions after my appt like A) will it grow back together or will I need surgury? B) what will happen with my belly? Hang to my knees? C) Will my brace help with it if I wear it every day? So I did some research. Apparently, it happens because of overweight/obesity as well as with subsequent children. I can do a bunch of exercises after the baby comes to get those muscles back together and I'll work on that...I don't want to have any future problems.

But does anybody know how to exercise when your husband works an opposite shift than you and you have THREE kids? I'm curious. Because I don't exercise now. I guess I could but hell, it's just one more thing I would have to try to fit into my day. I'm already overwhelmed with the "should have's" and "could have's" now.

The count down begins now...Only 5 more weeks!