A lot is going on.
Chuck and I are struggling a little in our marriage. That portion of my life has been a little out of control and very emotionally trying and well, different. However, I do feel like things have been said that should have been said for a long time and that maybe finally everything is in the open. There are a lot of hurt feelings but maybe we have finally HEARD each other instead of just yelling at each other. My hope is that we can build a stronger relationship based on trust, honesty and appreciation of one another. I'm going to be starting anger counseling on Wednesday and I'm kinda looking forward to learning better ways to control that part of my personality...because honestly it's not something I like very well about myself.
Chuck and I went to see the pscyhologist regarding Zachary last Friday. He was reassuring. Even though he had no answers for us, he took us seriously and didn't brush off our concerns. He said that we have reason for concern with family history and the differences that we see in Zachary compared to other kids and even his own brother. It doesn't make Zachary a bad kid. It's makes him a unique kid....or like Zachary told a cashier one day "Yep, I'm a really special kid". And he is. We go back later this week to do our first session with Zachary at the dr's office. I'm nervous. Doc wants to video tape us interacting with Zachary...and quite frankly, that kinda scares me. I don't feel I interact with him well at all. What's the dr. going to think if I can't even interact with my own son? But then again, he has a son with special needs as well, so he's probably gone through that before.
Today was my 34 week appt. I'm actually 34 weeks and 4 days...but who's counting? Me!!! That's who!
Last night I was in so much pain in my back, I was on my hands and knees in bed seriously in tears. I thought maybe it was my kidneys but Sameerah didn't think so because change of position wouldn't have released the pain even a little. So I have no idea what it was. Plus, I had so much gas pain and diarrhea yesterday I was miserable. I was wondering if maybe I'd go early considering I remember feeling kinda like that before the boys...but no such luck.
I'm ready for this pregnancy to be over. I loved being pregnant with the boys that it's making me kinda sad to want this one to be over with.
Everything was good at the dr. today. I lost the 3 # that I gained last time and my BP was 108/68..perfect for me. Baby's heartbeat is in the 130's. I was complaining to Sameerah though about how much pain I'm in by the end of the day...some days I can't hardly walk out from work because of such abdominal muscular pain. She had me do a crunch and lo and behold I have a severe abdominal muscle seperation. (I wonder if this is also the reason that it hurts when Lucas sticks his finger in my belly button to "play" with Baby Elizabeth...I did that tonight and you CAN feel weird stuff in there...I don't think that's normal!) She said it won't create any problems with labor and delivery, but Chuck brought up some interesting questions after my appt like A) will it grow back together or will I need surgury? B) what will happen with my belly? Hang to my knees? C) Will my brace help with it if I wear it every day? So I did some research. Apparently, it happens because of overweight/obesity as well as with subsequent children. I can do a bunch of exercises after the baby comes to get those muscles back together and I'll work on that...I don't want to have any future problems.
But does anybody know how to exercise when your husband works an opposite shift than you and you have THREE kids? I'm curious. Because I don't exercise now. I guess I could but hell, it's just one more thing I would have to try to fit into my day. I'm already overwhelmed with the "should have's" and "could have's" now.
The count down begins now...Only 5 more weeks!
1 day ago