Wow...so much to say.

I don't even know where to begin. I have a billion thoughts running around in my head that I need to get out.

This post is going to be so incoherent...of that I'm sure.

>>My best friend's grandfather died. He was a wonderful man. I saw more of him and Grandma than I did my own grandparents during college. I remember every Wednesday night during college he and Grandma would come up and take Sandy and I out to dinner. Grandma would pick on Grandpa and Grandpa would try to sell us on his newest vitamin regimine. He was such a health nut...at one count he was taking 23 supplements. He walked every day and was just so active and....alive. He had a massive heart attack and died Monday night. I went to the funeral yesterday and spent the evening with my friend and her family. Chuck went with me in support of me and San. It was such a nice gesture. I love him for his thoughtfulness sometimes.

>>While at the funeral I ran into an old classmates mother. Wow. That was an experience. Why? It's not like I was really good friends with the classmater nor the mom for that matter. But as we are sitting there this mother is bad mouthing her daughter and about how much weight she's gained and how she's let herself go. I decide to politely change the conversation (stupid me for involving myself in the conversation...she would have passed me right over had I not opened my mouth!). I asked where this classmate worked now. Sandy informs Mrs. Bigfatmouth that we were all in school together and this is Lisa. I explain that I used to be Lisa Soandso and she looks at me and her mouth drops open. The next words out of her mouth, rendered me completely 100% speechless.

"Wow! You've really packed on the weight haven't you?"

Gee. Thanks. Like I didn't know that. All I could respond at the time was "Well, I guess 3 kids will do that to you". She then goes on to explain how I should join Weight Watchers (at this point Chuck is hearing her too) and questions if Elizabeth was a preemie because she's on the smaller side. When I explain no, she was 8 1/2 lbs at birth she said something to the effect of

"well, at least she's going to be petite" (not said? UNLIKE YOU.) Yea, Chuck said he heard those unsaid words too...it wasn't just me being oversensitive.

Nice. Now, I know I'm overweight. I know I need to lose some pounds. But honestly I'm actually comfortable with who I am now. I used to cry all the time about how I looked and my weight and how I couldn't wear any clothes and I don't do that anymore. It's not that I don't care, I just feel more comfortable being me. Now, my self-esteem is a little shattered again. Especially after last week when a co-worker explained that she had a wonderful diet that she really felt like I should try. *sigh* Let's see if we can go for a trifecta, people.

>>Work sucks. I hate it. I hate the people I work with. I hate that they question my work ethic. I hate that they give me their work to do and then question if I'm doing it correctly. DO IT YOUR DAMN SELF!

>>Zachary is the sweetest kid ever. No, really. He started soccer on Wednesday night and I had to go to work. It was only a practice and I'm going to mix practices, there is no way around it. So...he looks crushed that I won't be there. Tells me that he won't spend anymore money. He doesn't need money and that way I can stay home and not work. While I make money he has in his piggy bank and he'll give it all to me so I can stay at home with him and his brother and sister. I cried on the way to work.

Then today, Lucas RAN out to meet his brother off the bus. Zachary came running off the bus and as it was pulling away he gave Lucas a big hug and said "Did you miss me? I missed you!" Having a few hours apart is good for them. And it's good for me. I got some things picked up and cleaned this morning and was able to sit and play games with them this afternoon. I didn't feel so stressed about trying to do it all while they were there and neglecting them. My goal is to get all the "work" done in the morning so I can enjoy my kids in the afternoon. Oh...and it's kinda nice just having E at home. She's such a smiler and is starting to giggle and it's cute :)

>>I wanted to go out with my hubby this weekend but our babysitter is going to a volleyball tournament. Good for her, sad for me. I needed some away time. Maybe I'll go to the grocery store by myself. Hoo-rah.