2009-06-01

Insecure No More

As a teen, I was incredibly insecure.

Overweight, kinda geeky, in all the “smart” classes, part of the Color Guard, I never felt like I fully fit in anywhere. I surely didn’t feel pretty or even worthy of being in the “in” crowd.

As I hit college, things changed a little bit for me. Not so much because I was any prettier (I wasn’t) or any skinnier (I definitely put on the freshman 20), it was just a matter of being able to be ME. There wasn’t the pressure of conformity in college…or at least I didn’t feel it. I was surrounded by a group of people who had no idea of my past. They hadn’t known me since I was in kindergarten sitting right next to them eating paste (true thing). I was able to be the outgoing person who spoke my mind about anything and everything and be real; and somehow people found that refreshing and funny.

Then I started dating my husband, and a lot of the insecurities resurfaced for a time. I was so concerned about what he thought about me, how he saw me, how skinny (or not) I was. I wasn’t entirely a very happy person those first few years as I questioned myself a lot as I’m sure he can attest to. I remember nights of laying on the bed sobbing because “I have nothing to wear” as he rolled his eyes and said I looked hot in anything. After a few years, I began to believe him. And understand that he truly loved me.

And then along comes mommy-dom in which your biggest critics are so often the other moms. You didn’t do this or that or the other thing “according to the book”. Damn the book, anyway. Who wrote that god-forsaken book that we’re all supposed to follow? It took me about 6 years to become comfortable in my mommy-role to where I can say that someone telling me that I’m a bad mom doesn’t phase me much. Instead, I’m more likely to think and wonder if they can do any better given the situations that we’ve been dealt. The answer to that question is usually a resounding NO.

But then we get to blogging.

I know, right?

Blogging shouldn’t make me insecure! But alas, there’s all sets of rules here too. Your blog should somehow look professional. You can’t speak your mind unless it’s sunshine and rainbows (god forbid that you suggest you don’t get along with someone). You should have a general theme to your blog. Make sure that you post regularly so that you get more page hits. Don’t post on the weekend because it’s deader than a doornail.

I’ve thought hard about restructuring my blog. I did change my layout because I wanted a three column blog (and I love it). But I really considered changing my blog content and creating a cohesive theme.

But I’m not going to.

Nope. The blogs name is The Insider….Inside Lisa. I started this blog, not so much to keep up with friends and family, but to get out my thoughts. My feelings.

Happy or not so happy.

I love looking back on my old blog posts and seeing what I was thinking when I found out I was pregnant for Elizabeth, or her birth, or when Lucas started using the potty, or even when we found out the diagnoses for Zachary.

I enjoy being able to relive moments through words…the good, bad and ugly moments. It’s all part of who I am.

So, I’m not changing it. And if you don’t like something that you read, you can leave me a nicely worded comment (I won’t tolerate nastiness) and I’ll respond in kind.

I’m just glad I'm not that insecure teen, or even twenty year old, anymore.

8 comments:

Matt said...

Well said. I imagine all of your regular readers are reading because it is Inside Lisa. You don't have to appeal to everyone. Everyone is too many people.

Hannah said...

How interesting, this is the second post in 2 days I have read about these "blogging rules". I had to laugh because I didn't know about any of them!! ROFL!!
I agree with the previous poster, we read because we love you and we love reading what YOU write. Rules schmules!! :-D

Tiffany said...

Isn't blogging about expressing yourself? I can honestly say I've never thought about blogging as having rules...but I'm a bit of a rule breaker=) Do your thing, and rock it out! I like reading your stuff, it gives me insight into what's going on outside my little sphere. Keep it up, if someone doesn't like it, stop reading :P

Lisa said...

Good for you "keeping it real." lol I know what you mean about the blog pressures. I have a friend who's blog I check EVERYDAY for over a year and comment EVERY post and she NEVER posts on my site. It drives me NUTS! I am to embarassed to ask why. I see her post on other friends sites. MORE insecurities much???? lol

Anonymous said...

You are beautiful to me, because you are wonderful mother, wonderful friend to me, wonderful co worker to me, and take time to make all women feel better about themselves with sex life. I like that in a person, so I consider as a beautiful person, no matter what looks are.

Amanda

SITS Girls said...

You so do not have to please anybody- this blog is yours.

I rant on my blog all the time and those are often my most popular posts!

Thanks for your comment at SITS- supporting the FB is what it's all about!

Tiffany

Angella said...

Well said, Lisa. Preach it!

BrnEyedGal said...

Hi Lisa...
Hey thanks for stopping by my blog...I am glad that I found yours too.
You seem so real and down to earth, that is SO refreshing!!!!
So nice to meet ya....

 

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