Would you? Could you?

If you dared?

The topic of starting new adventures has come up twice in the last couple weeks with 2 different friends and it really has me thinking.

Would I, Could I if I had the chance? Would I change anything of how it is now?

Let me preface this by saying that I love my children dearly. I would lay down my life any day of the week for any of them. My love and devotion to them has nothing at all to do with my thoughts. This is more so about me. About who I am or who I could be.

I asked Chuck last night if he felt trapped in a loveless marriage…only hanging onto the illusion of a family for the “sake of the children”. I was pretty sure I knew the answer, and I was right. No, a loveless marriage is not something that we share. But we do share the burden. The burden of responsibility.

And sometimes that burden can be really overwhelming.

It’s ironic…I was in the middle of writing this and thinking about all this when I get a message from Chuck that Zachary had a “bad spell” and went off on the sitter. He threw a box and then a picture frame from our wall at Eric. Why? Because Eric told him he had to clean his room before soccer. Which I had already instructed him about this morning; however, Zachary’s concrete thinking is that he only cleans his room after dinner. Funny how those rules always work only to his advantage.

But this is just an example of the responsibilities and challenges that we face. And sometimes, as parents, we feel like we’ve lost ourselves as adults.

We wake up, go to work, come home, deal with a multitude of things that need to be dealt with related to the kids (laundry, cooking, soccer practices, homework, baths, etc) and then it’s bedtime. And we wake up and do it all over again. We do what we have to do because it has to be done.

It makes me wonder if anyone is truly happy simply doing those things day in and day out with nothing for themselves. I wonder if someone out there is cleaning their child’s laundry and thinking “I’m so very lucky to be able to do this. I love cleaning.” Me thinks there is…and in some ways that makes me sadder. Sadder that I’m not completely content with my family, which is wonderful, but yet still yearn for something for me.

It’s one of the reasons I have my blog. Because I truly enjoy writing. (and love the comments!)

It’s one of the reasons I started my Pure Romance business. Because I wanted to get out of the house and let go of the sexual side of myself and help others do the same.

I blame PMS for my mood today. Damn that wicked witch of Aunt Flo anyways. She always gets my emotions in an uproar....and my need for chocolate and ice cream.

If I could go back and do my life over, would I? Nope. I wouldn’t. I feel fortunate to have 3 healthy, super cool kids, a loving husband, a home, a job and a hobby that I love. But there are days, I’d like a break from reality for a while.

**UPDATE: As I hit the "Publish Post" button, Chuck called. Elizabeth was screaming from spraying sunblock in her eyes. Seriously, Calgon take me away!!!



What a great post. Stopping by from SITS to leave some bloggy love!

parentingBYdummies said...

Couldn't, wouldn't but it does cross my mind from time to time, particularly when #1 & #2 are embroiled in a timeless battle or when #3 is beating me with a stick. But for the most part I can handle it as I accept that it's only temporary. Stopped from SITS just to say hello:)

Penelope said...

I very much understand the feeling...routine and responsibility, the two deadly R's in a life that you'd prefer to be fun and excitement filled every day! Actually, I never minded responsibility, but the routine- blech! I try to shake it up as much as I can. Don't want to live an ordinary life ;-)



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