More Socially Acceptable (or Unacceptable) Behavior

Let me clarify something on the whole Mohawk issue. It’s not a question of IF I’m going to let him have a Mohawk. We’re letting him get a Mohawk for the summer. I don’t have a problem with it at all.

My whole point for the previous post (that Chuck has informed me didn’t come through) is whether I should beat the living shit talk sternly to those people (i.e. my father) who decide they are going to give Zachary a rough time for having it or whether I’m going to let Zachary take the heat for his choice.

Because my father WILL give him a rough time about it.

But, see, I’m not one necessarily to shy away from touchy subjects with my father and most of my family (unless it refers to how they will sometimes make me feel like shit. I don’t typically discuss feelings with them.) I grew up with a father who was extremely overbearing, overprotective and just an all-around jackass (whom I love dearly, mind you.) At the age of 14, he would measure my hair before I left the house to make sure I didn’t get more than 2” cut off. He would make me change my clothes if my shirt bottom touched the top of my jeans and didn’t fall below my beltline as no daughter of his would go out “dressed like a whore”. I wasn’t allowed to get my ears pierced.

So, at the age of 17, I pierced my ears. I hid it for all of about 1 day. At 18, I chopped my hair off up to my chin from below my shoulders. Obviously, there was no hiding that. My mom, and more than likely my father (as we’ve never discussed it…he gets embarrassed because I’m too open as I know it’s the ONLY way to shut him up), know about my nipple rings (yes, 2. Although I no longer have one as it migrated out after about 4 years of having it. Ouch!) I’ve been very upfront with my family about getting my tattoo, which my mom doesn’t approve of, but she likes the symbolism behind it. When Chuck and I were dating, I would spend my weekends out there. My mom questioned me one time about how they want me to work/sleep in the cabins with the kids. I explained that I wouldn’t be sleeping in the cabins, but with Chuck. She asked cautiously “on his couch?”, to which I replied “No, Mom, in his bed.” That was the end of that. Then about 7 months later, I let them know that we would be moving in together. Again, not pleased, but they know me well enough to know that it doesn’t matter to me, I’m going to do what I want regardless.

Zachary takes after me in a lot of ways. His stubbornness and tendency towards defiance is 100% me. How did I end up being cursed in having all 3 children Tauruses?!

(Disclaimer: Those that know me really well know that there are things that I don’t advertise about my life. However, if asked, I would more than likely answer any question.)

On the subject of socially unacceptable behavior, we have had our first shoplifting experience with Lucas today.

We went to the Chinese buffet today for lunch (I was absolutely exhausted after moving their entire bedroom around (metal bunkbeds are freaking heavy!) so I asked Chuck if we could do lunch out. Upon paying, Lucas kept asking for a toy. I told him no and figured that was the end of that. As we were piling into the jeep, I noticed he was playing with an orange ring. I asked him where’d he’d gotten that, knowing full well that he had not had that BEFORE we went in. He told us that he’d taken it off the counter. So, Chuck trucked Lucas’s little butt back into the restaurant to return the stolen goods. After returning it and apologizing, the person behind the counter was very nice and let Lucas know it wasn’t a big deal; no worries, honey.

I find that frustrating in some ways. While I don’t necessarily think they should call the cops, it would be nice to have them read the kid the riot act. Letting them know it’s not acceptable, or nice, or something.

Funnily, Zachary was almost his exact same age when he did it and has never done it since. When I trucked Zachary’s little butt into the gas station and made him return his candy and apologize for taking it, with him sobbing the entire time, the gentleman behind the counter did tell Zachary that it wasn’t nice to steal and that some people get the cops called on them for that, but thank you for stepping up and returning it. I loved how that clerk handled it. And Zachary has never done it since.

Let’s hope this is the first and last time for Lucas too.


Hannah said...

Some people (particularly those from the older generation) tend to comment rather freely on things that we "young ones" do wrong when it comes to parenting or what we let our kids do/wear etc. In the past when that has happened to me, I have jumped to my boys' defense. Not sure if I should have, but I did. It's a hard one. They have to learn that people won't always like or accept their choices, but as mothers we want to protect them. At his age, it probably won't bother Zachary too much if other people say he shouldn't have a mohawk. He'll probably just say "Mom & Dad said I could" and let the comment roll off his back. Hopefully that's what happens - then there won't be any hurt feelings to mend.

I agree that the clerk shouldn't have brushed off the stealing. It kind of sends the wrong message. Like you, I think the way the other clerk handled the shoplifting (in Zachary's case) did it the right way. Honest, but not cruel.

christi said...

Well I like a little individuality! And I think this is all he is going for and like everyone said he would probably be 'cool' for having one. I too come to the defense of my kids. For one, it's important for them to express who they are even at a young age and I don't want ANYONE stunting or ruining that for them at this young age. I just don't put up with it. There's something to be said for individuality and kids need to embrace and enjoy this from a young age cause I reckon it gets WAY harder the older they get! Kamryn gets called out on her accent but I tell her life would be pretty boring if everyone sounded the same! I don't think you should stress about what 'could' happen until something does happen. You can only handle it then and think about the situation at hand rather than what could-bes. Just my opinion ;)

noname said...

Wonderboy wanted the mohawk his 5th grade winter and we made him wait 6 months to see if it was really what he wanted. So he went through much of 6th grade with a mohawk. At that age his friends thought it cool and I don't recall anyone saying anything bad to him at all, but Mike chalks that up to people not wanting to cross me by saying something ugly to my kids.

I did coddle, without meaning to, but I did. After the hell Bear went through I was very defensive over my kids and was quick to jump in and 'knock back' so to speak anyone who hurt them. I've done that my whole life with people I love and I wish I hadn't now. Even my mom, brother and sister are still too dependant on me. (much like my kids.... they still bring me their problems and expect me to make them go away)

I think you do have to teach them that while they have a choice, not everyone will appreciate their choices and some will speak up about them. As to your dad, having a right to voice an opinion doesn't give way to the right to hurt in the process. It's a very fine line with some but I'd think Zachary is too young for it to really sink in for too long. Jax has pink high lights and she gets flack from our Christian neighbor. I've told her that I think she's beautiful and what's most important is how she feels about herself... to not worry about pleasing everyone.

Diana said...

I agree the clerk should have put some fear of something into him upon return, but maybe she thought he had enough problems with Dad. Chuck can be a site when not smiling. LOL Even though he's a big teddy bear! hehehe


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