A Mother's Life Changing Prayer

Dear Lord,

Please give me the strength to face every challenge, the peach I need to hear Your voice and patience when I feel angry or stressed. Help me be kind and caring to those around me. Let me be an example of Your grace and love to my family. Help me to not raise my voice, but to raise my children to serve and love You. Fill my life and my home with Your joy. Amen

Life is a test, right?

Do you ever feel like you're drowning?

You hear about drowning in water.

Drowning in debt.

Drowning in alcohol.

Drowning in sadness.

Look it up on google...there tons of opportunities and ways to "drown".

It's so cliche to say it but that's how I feel today. I feel like I'm drowning in life.

Mentally, physically, emotionally-I'm just exhausted.

I'm glad that school is over. I'm glad that soccer is over (even though now baseball for Zachary has started.) I'm glad that this weekend is Gizzard Fest where I'm having a Pure Romance booth because that means that the planning and prepping for it will be done.

I need a mental health day from work. Problem is I just don't have the time to take it...seems like everyone else's needs come before mine. I guess that's what being a mom is all about, right? I know that there are people in my life who feel that I don't do enough. I'm not home enough. I'm not motherly enough. I'm just not....enough of anything.

That weighs heavily on me too. Because as a mom and wife and daughter and friend and consultant and a human, I want to be. But I feel like I'm burning both ends of the candle and in doing so am not good enough at anything.

Shoot, my brain is like swiss cheese!!! Last night I forgot the simplest task of getting garbage bags from the store. The day before? Forgot about the retirement party for the kids' principal. The day before that? Forgot to give the dog medicine for his skin allergies. Do you see a pattern? The list goes on.....day after day I don't seem to have the time to get it all done, the energy to do it nor the memory to be able to remember all the minor things that I need to take care of. And then I feel like a failure for not being able to accomplish the deeds that I *should* be doing and need to be doing.

And to think...."experts" keep saying to take time for yourself. I read the articles and I think "when?" There's always one more load of laundry to do. One more phone call to make or email to send. One more contact to make in order to work my business. I can't even think straight let alone try to schedule in time for me. I used to find the morning shower as "me" time where I would think and contemplate....and lately all I can do in the shower is run through all the things that I have to do that day...in between yelling asking the kids to keep it down so their sister can sleep in.

Last weekend (pics have to be uploaded) the kids ran the Michigan Mile. Zachary wasn't happy with his time and wants to improve. I told him that I think it's wonderful and I'd love to help him towards that goal as I need to get more fit and active too. So we're going to train together and I'll work on the Couch to 5k program. Problem is.......when?
So, as a working mom, how do you fit everything into a 24 hour period and still keep your sanity and the days straight and all the bills paid on time and the kids and husband happy? Then how do you fit in YOU time? I'm interested in possibilities because I'm obviously not there....

Until tomorrow-Keep on buzzing,

Lisa

Pure Romance and Therapy collide!

Last week, I received a call from a physical therapist for a therapy center here in the greater Lansing area who deals with physical therapy to help with bladder control. A friend of a friend attends this therapy center and they got talking during their session (probably trying to keep the clients mind off the pain of the therapy!) and Pure Romance came up.

I'm so excited that it did!! This therapist recommends to her patients the use of vibrators, ben wa balls and similar toys to help strenghthen the vaginal walls which in turn also helps with the strength of the bladder. Therefore, increasing the ability to control the bladder.

Why?

Well because the bladder and the vagina are located in basically one and the same space. Stregnthen one and the other benefits as well. Due to child birth, menopause, age or other medical reasons, often times a woman's bladder muscles and vaginal muscles become loose. The old adage of "if you don't use it, you lose it" holds true. If you aren't exercising those muscles, the muscles will stop working for you and doing what you need them to do.

I know. After having 3 children, I can't cough, laugh hard, sneeze or turn the wrong way without the worry of bladder problems and therefore am constantly crossing my legs. And regardless of how funny my husband and children think it is that mom pees her pants....it's embarrassing!! I will be the first one to admit that I've tried to do the Kegel exercises that are highly recommended and effective and while I'll start out doing them well, I'll get side-tracked and forget that I was supposed to be working those muscles. That's where the ben wa balls come in so handy! These small balls are inserted inside you, and with some instruction, help you to do the Kegel exercises the correct way and remind you that you need to continue working on those exercises!

However, often times women feel uncomfortable going into the all too often seedy, trashy, men-frequented adult stores where they'd be leered at (I know....) and would love to have an opportunity to talk with a woman in the comfort of their own home who knows about the health benefits, as well as the fun benefits, to our products!

So, tonight, I'm going to meet the said therapist and take her some information regarding Pure Romance products that may be of interest to their clientele in particular: Fresh Start, Ben Wa Balls, Vaginal Dialaters as well as the full line of vibrators and toys. Pure Romance by Lisa catalogs and information will be included in their client informational guide that is available to all clients in the office.

I feel so privelaged. THIS is one of the reasons I love Pure Romance and I love doing it. I enjoy helping woman. Empowering them to take control of their own body, learn and know their own body in a safe, comfortable, one on one way. It makes my heart soar to know that I may help some of these woman get control of their bodies back.

Until tomorrow-keep on buzzing!

Lisa

My Husband Rocks: MHR Friday

I feel its far past the time to revive the MHR Friday post.

What is MHR? Well, its a post every Friday where you delve into why your husband ROCKS...whether it's a list of things that he's done that week, something special he's done lately, or just a general post of why he rocks your socks...but a post non-the-less all about the most important man in your life so he knows how much you appreciate him.

Because honestly, in my house, I know I don't say those three words enough. No...not I love you. I do say that. But "I appreciate you."

And right now...I appreciate what a great dad Chuck is. I know sometimes being a parent to a special/high needs child can be tough....but Chuck does a great job with it. He's so hands on and attends all the IEP meetings, goes to the school to deal with the suspensions, talks to the teacher/aide daily as well as does fun things like taking Zachary fishing (which is what he's doing while I'm typing this now....) or Lucas skateboarding on his new skateboard.

I appreciate the fact that he cooked dinner every night this week...except for the night he took Zachary to baseball. And not just macaroni and cheese and hot dogs. Pork curry with homemade curry sauce. Steak and chicken on the grill with fiesta vegetables. Spaghetti with garlic toast.

Doing dishes and keeping them up on a nightly basis. I hate HATE the dishes....with a passion. therefore I really appreciate Chuck for doing this particular chore!

I appreciate that he hasn't yelled and screamed at me for messing things up this week. Enough said.

This week is over...but the weekend is just starting and I'm really looking forward to another weekend at home with my loving husband and awesome children.

So until tomorrow-keep on buzzing!

Lisa

IEP, EI, BP, Oh My!

Today was the last IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting with Zachary’s “team” for the school year. (Zachary is classified as EI, emotionally impaired, for his ADHD and bipolar)

I’m relieved that this year is OVER. It has been an absolutely HORRIBLE year.

Let’s recap just a bit: He was kicked out of school numerous times for throwing his desk over, pushing his teacher, and finally pushing over a bookcase.

That was the last straw for us and we had him moved permanently in May-full day to the special ed classroom where he stayed with his full time aide and had one on one instruction with her based on what his teacher was teaching in the classroom (since he’s actually at/above grade level in all subjects).

While he still was obstinate and refusing to do work, at least he was no longer a physical threat and didn’t even try to be a physical threat.

Why? My perception (and as my husband always reminds me perception defines reality) is that he was in a constant power struggle with his teacher and his first aide. There was no trust there from Zachary…he didn’t feel that they were on his side.

And its no wonder. His first aide was down right confrontational with him and us. Told me that she doesn’t argue with him…right after she told me that she ripped the pencil from his hand (after repeatedly being told that showing a sign of aggression like this will only escalate the situation) and when he balked at it and said “hey you can’t do that!” she said “I can, I will, and I just did.” Um, yea. Way to get into a pissing match with a 7 year old.

His teacher yesterday said that she would sneak up behind him and when he was least expecting it, rip the pencil from his hand.

Does anyone see a pattern?

Seriously, I understand that my child is difficult. TRUST ME, I understand this I’ve lived with him for 8 years now, but really?

I’m so glad that the special ed department is finally, fully involved. They’ve called out the teacher and the aide for not following the behavioral plan (BP) set forth. I wanted to cry for joy. Finally!!

And today, I got to meet his 3rd grade teacher…and right off the bat, she had an AWESOME idea!!! I wanted to jump for joy. An idea! All her own that made perfect sense and would truly help! She’s a younger teacher (no offense to the older teachers) but I’m really hoping that this means that maybe she’ll be a little more open and accepting to trying new things, doing things maybe not in the “norm” and not telling us every step of the way that “it’s not feasible in her classroom.”

So as it stands now, Zachary will go to his 3rd grade classroom for announcements and Pledge of Allegiance, then go to the resource room with his aide for English/Language Arts and Math…both of which he’s very proficient at but which they open the room up during and make it into one HUGE room with the other 3rd grade class….and 50 kids in one classroom? Wow. Way too overstimulating. Then he’ll go back to 3rd grade for lunch and the afternoon subjects of science and social studies.

I’m hopeful for next year.

But then again I always am.

A quick funny before I sign off…

Zachary was reading a Hardy Boys book to me tonight before bedtime. They were talking about finding a scalp. I asked Zachary if he knew what a scalp was. He responded: “Yep! It’s the head from here (indicated the mid forehead) back with the hair. But I wonder how they get it off….do they use a potato peeler or a knife?”

I chuckled. He said “What? I’m serious!”

Until tomorrow-Keep on Buzzing!

Lisa

Fried Green Tomatoes & Hump Day Help!

So today is Hump Day. I love hump day. Hump is just a super fun word to say. And it reminds me of one of my favorite things in the world.

I always start off my Pure Romance parties by introducing myself and letting them know that I started with Pure Romance to have fun and to talk about my favorite thing in the world which is sex. One of my rules for the evening is for them to have fun as well….and not just here for the evening, but also my goal is for them to learn something new, exciting and interesting and buy something to take home and have fun there too!

So hump day is the perfect day to talk about sex. Now, what exactly does sex have to do with Fried Green Tomatoes? Nothing, necessarily with the food…but actually a lot to do with the movie. There is an underlying tone in the movie that has to do with Evelyn (played by Kathy Bates) trying to spice up her relationship and romance before realizing that she has to be happy with herself and know herself before she can truly be happy in her relationship. (At least that’s the gist I get from the movie…and since this is my blog…that’s what matters.)

I was watching Fried Green Tomatoes last night, enjoying the scene where she goes to the “Relationship Seminar” with her good friend and the facilitator tells them that they are going to learn how to put the spark and the romance back into their marriage. Evelyn sits there for the entire class and visualizes herself making a dress out of clear plastic wrap and meeting her husband at the door in just that and nothing else.

Evelyn was on the right track in my book! What man wouldn’t want to see their wife in something scanty and kinda see through that they can rip off and have no worries about how much it cost? One of the new products that Pure Romance just came out with is called “Tie Me Up” tape…yes, I know it sounds kinky and if you’re into that kind of thing, this is definitely for you! However, it’s got multiple purposes!!! Imagine using this tape that sticks to itself to make a dress or bra and panties or anything that your mind can imagine to dress up in? Maybe a little choker collar and wristlets? Meet your husband at the door or be laying out on the bed for him after he gets out of the shower after a long hard day of work….again, $12 worth of fun that he can rip off of you in an animalistic nature when the time is right and not worry about the cost of the clothing ;) Win-win situation!

Later on in the movie she goes to another seminar where they all lay around and look at their own vaginas in a mirror. While I wouldn’t actually advocate doing this in a crowded room with your friends…I could say there may be some merit in doing this. I always advocate that women must know their own bodies and know how to really work their bodies so they can tell their spouses how to make that sometimes elusive O happen…or maybe just more explosive!! There is a fantastic book out there called “Tickle your Fancy” and it details all the female erogenous zones and not just where they are at but how to best make them work for you!! Again, while I don’t necessarily think that reading this book and trying out the positions with 15 of your best friends in the room is really the way you should go (but if you want to, then by all means!) maybe reading the book and trying them out with your husband or significant other may very well make you start singing it’s praises as well!

To new beginnings

So I have committed to blogging every day during the month of June through the use of NaBloPoMo (you know....National Blog Posting Month!) Anyone who has been reading my blog from the beginning may remember that I did this for a couple of Novembers and actually accomplished it once...it seems so long ago now. Well before the addition of the third child, school for 2 children, after-school activities and sports, my Pure Romance business and all the added chaos that comes with all of those things. However, I'm really wanting to get back into blogging to be able to look back on the funny things my kids have done or said, remind myself that I'm married to a wonderful guy (for those maybe not-so-wonderful days) and maybe help some readers with sex tips and relationship ideas that occassionally spew forth. Oh, and maybe through my blogging someone, somewhere may feel not quite so alone in the battle against IEP's, schools, children with bipolar and ADHD and the constant fights that ensue with everyone regarding all of it.

NaBloPoMo may just be the kick in the ass that I need to get that motivation up again.

It's funny that I opened my email this morning to the email stating that this month's NaBloPoMo's theme is NOW after this weekend when blogging was on my mind several times. There was so many opportunities for me to say..."I so need to write that down because I know I'll forget it in a few months let alone a few years!" And some of the things that my kids are coming out with lately are definitely things that need to be brought up at their high school graduation open house....or at least used as black mail to get my way for a change when they are older.

So, as I get ready to go to bed (I was up early this morning!) I'll end it with one such saying.

Last night, we went to dinner as it was raining, we'd worked on the house for the better part of the day and was just plain pooped out. As we're sitting at the table, Elizabeth looked across the table and said out of the blue "I like you Zachary!" <3>

I told her that was very nice of her to say!

She then quickly followed up that statement with "I'm gonna bonk you on the head and put you in a hole."

Um, yea. I'm blaming Spongebob for that one ;)

Until tomorrow...Keep on buzzing!

Lisa

Good Bye Grandma

Last night I spent the evening at a place that I had hoped I wouldn’t be at for a long time.

But on February 24, when I found out that my Grandma had brain cancer and was given 30-60 days to live, I knew I’d be at the funeral home soon.

Thursday evening my Grandma B passed away; gently and peacefully into her forever life where the pain from the cancers and the confusion from the dementia will haunt her no longer.
At the funeral home, they had slips of papers about 4 x 5 where they asked friends and family to share memories of my Grandma. My nephews were diligently writing their memories of their Great Grandma and I picked up one to start writing my memories as well…and then realized that my memories of the 33 years with my Grandma could never fit on a paper that small.

In fact, they may not fit on a whole page as my heart is filled with memories of spending time at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.

One of my earliest memories of Grandma is sharing her “special water” with me. I had to have been the age of my oldest son now…that’s how long ago this was. Grandma’s special water was like water sent from the heavens themselves. It was sooo good…certainly better than the water in Swartz Creek. I went home and spent weeks, literally, trying to find out the special recipe for Grandma’s water because I was sure there was something in it. I tried plain water, sugar, vanilla and salt amidst other combinations and could never find the Grandma’s water! It wasn’t until much later in life when we were talking about that incident one evening that Grandma laughingly revealed her water was Peppermint Schnapps and water!! Needless to say, we had some on the spot.

Growing up, we spent a lot of time at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. And Halloween was no exception. After we went trick-or-treating to all the neighbors in about a 10 block radius and waited on the sidewalk for my mom to finish chatting with every. single. one. of the neighbors, we would pile in the car to head out to the next town to see Grandma and Grandpa. They lived in a tiny little house….barely bigger than my very first apartment. My Grandpa (Square Wheels) would inevitably be on the c.b. squawking about this or that and Grandma (aka Swedish Ivy) would meet us in the kitchen with our Halloween baggies. Those are what I remember the most. They were regular brown paper lunch saks, but to me as a kid they held the sustenance of life. She would always have it rolled down twice and there would be grease marks on the outside. It was the same goodies every single year. I looked forward to Grandma’s treat bags knowing that some of my favorites would be in there. There was 2 cupcakes with orange frosting and some type of Halloween decoration…a spider ring, witch stick, or some type of poker that my brothers and I would later get in trouble with as we poked each other with the pointy end. A handful of each: Mary Janes, Bit o’ Honey, and Halloween foil wrapped chocolate candies. Still, to this day, I love me some Bit O’Honey. Every time I see those little candies, I’m reminded of my Grandma and Grandpa’s house on Halloween and those grease marked brown lunch bags. I remember thinking how much Grandma must love us to make us such treat bags and not just give us the traditional tiny candy bar.

Then there were the weekends out at the lake when Grandma and Grandpa had the trailer out there. Grandpa would take me fishing and we’d bring the blue gills home to Grandma. It was there that she taught me to scale and clean out fish…and cook fresh fish so that I’d actually eat them! I always knew when we were at Grandma and Grandpa’s trailer from the sign that said “If you see the trailer rockin…Don’t bother knockin!”

Then there are little things that were just *Grandma* like:

Her deep love of the color purple.

How much she enjoyed her flowers and the birds. Grandma had a bird clock that would chirp every hour on the hour with a different bird call. She loved the birds and that clock. I’m lucky enough to have that in my living room now…and every time I hear it, I think of her.

Her jewelry and rings that were always coordinated with whatever it was that she was wearing.

How much she loved Grandpa.

The polka!!! Oh how she loved to polka. I remember dancing the polka with her more times than I can count.

Blueberry Pie. Her and I shared a love of blueberry pie and she’d always make one for me during holidays.

Oyster Stew. It was a New Years eve tradition to have oyster stew. Grandma would make it and Grandma, Grandpa, Dad and I would enjoy. (The rest of the family would eat frozen pizza!)

Her giggle and how her eyes would light up when she laughed. And when my brothers and I really got her laughing, how she’d laugh so hard that she’d cry.

Her wet kisses. I’m sure my brothers and cousin will totally agree with me that Grandma’s kisses were of the wet and smacking variety. And I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

How when Chuck would tease her, she’d jut out her bottom jaw and narrow her eyes at him…till she realized he was teasing her when she’d laugh and say “ooooh you!”

Leaning down to kiss her great grandkids. She loved to cuddle them as infants and as toddlers she’d lean down to kiss them and recently with the older great-grandkids she was almost eye to eye with them!

So as I say good-bye to my Grandma, and others say good bye to their Mama, sister, aunt, cousin or friend, I am reminded that our memories will live on forever of her.

Rest in peace, Grandma. You will be missed.

Time keeps on rolling.....

First of, I should probably apologize. Not that I have any readers left, but maybe someone still might check in. It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. There’s definitely been times in the last 2 months that I’ve seen something that made me say “oh! I need to blog that!” but time seems to get away from me much quicker now than ever before. Plus, I think the lexapro has been a huge help in me being a calmer, gentler Lisa with less to bitch about.

However, I’ve not taken my lexapro for a couple weeks now. Not because I don’t have it. Not because I don’t still NEED it. But you’ve probably heard the story before about people stopping their meds because they feel so much better? Yea, well……

But today for some reason, things are getting emotional for me. I feel like a huge ball of emotions and at any moment I’m going to start crying. Probably my damn period coming on (sorry, TMI) but it usually does it to me.

So what’s happening that’s causing this sadness? Well, where should I start?

Four weeks ago, my grandma was diagnosed with brain cancer…the most aggressive type of brain cancer too. So, after going to the hospital with a suspected stroke, we found out about the brain cancer and the fact she had 30-60 days of life left. Even though I’m not really close to this grandma, the idea of losing my grandma has taken me a bit aback. I do love her and have very fond memories of her home as a child and special things she did for us (i.e. Halloween Treat bags!) Now 30 days has gone by and I went to visit her on Sunday and had to hold myself in check the entire time I was there so as not to burst out in tears. My grandma is already gone. Sure, her body is there. The shell of the person she used to be but she’s gone. What’s left is someone who resembles an old person with the mind of an infant. She has to be fed, changed, cannot speak or struggles desperately to speak and when she can’t she becomes so extremely frustrated. I do believe that somewhere in her brain that’s not affected by the tumor she remembers what things *should* be like and that makes it even sadder for me. I do hope that the good Lord finds in his heart to allow her to slip away peacefully in her sleep soon before pain sets in as well as this loss of person.

And then Easter is on Sunday. My mom and dad are spending Easter with my Grandma, aunt and uncles. But, the general consensus is that Grandma cannot handle having all the grandkids around nor do the kids really need to see her in that state…allowing them to remember Great Grandma as she was. We aren’t visiting Chuck’s family either. And our friends that were visiting for dinner are no longer. So for the first time in my life, literally, we have no place to go for Easter but our own home. I’m saddened by this; especially after spending Christmas without family as well since Chuck, Elizabeth and myself were very sick for all of Christmas break. I feel let down…but maybe I can find some fun things to do with the kids to make this Easter a memorable one for them.

Lastly, Parent Teacher conferences were last night at school. Lucas is “simply enjoyable and easily the student at the top of the class!” and is reading and sounding out words like nobody’s business and has 58 out of 25 sight words already memorized. I’m so proud of him.

Zachary, on the other hand, is a different story. Problem is his teacher and Chuck and I have different reasons on why we believe he’s having difficulties. OUR assertion is that a) he’s either not understanding what is being required of him or b) the process of getting something from his brain to the paper in writing assignments is not working. His teacher; however, feels that Zachary is not trying and being stubborn and obstinate that “goes beyond his mood disorder”. WE tried to explain to her the difficulties in writing and how it can be difficult but she’ll have none of it.

So, it saddens me that someone so bright is being given up on as a lost cause (by his teacher only!) because he’s “not trying” vs maybe finding some new way to break into his world and help him to understand or learn a new way to write. Luckily, the special ed resource teacher seems to be more understanding. I’m glad that she’s getting involved as well…it’s about time.

I will end in a positive note though! I’m trying to turn a new leaf and find the positives as well J My Pure Romance business is taking off leaps and bounds and just this month I earned enough profit to buy the family a wall mount flat screen t.v. It’s WONDERFUL. And I can’t wait until this weekend when we mount it and gain some room in our living room!

I’m making a commitment to blogging again. As I’m trying to get Zachary to journal nightly, I’ll take the time to journal with him. Practice what you preach….plus I’m sure he’ll love looking back on my thoughts and journals when he gets older as I love reviewing my grandma’s things….

So until then....Keep on buzzing….

Lisa