As I said yesterday in my post, I want the best for my children.
A lot of pregnant women have fears.
Fears about what childbirth is going to be like.
Fears about what having a child is going to be like.
Fears about having 2, 3 or more children.
Fears about having quality time with each child.
I don't seem to have those fears. My fears are probably completely irrational to every other human being on the planet. But I think we take our own personal experiences and inflict them on what we do or DON'T want for our children.
Enter those fears for this pregnancy.
One of my biggest issues growing up was being overweight and ugly. Or at least feeling as such. Is it any wonder that I have an irrational fear of this baby girl being fat and ugly? I don't know why because my boys are absolutely adorable kids with no weight problems whatsoever, but with Chuck and I having BIG genes, I'm just afraid that it's going to be the girl that gets it. I know it's hard to explain but I'd rather have a big boy where you are considered husky and a football player than a fat girl and be just fat.
I'm also concerned about her being smart enough. Now, this isn't something that I really ever had problems with as a child. However, I felt I was expected to be above the bar in order to prove that just because you're a girl, doesn't mean you can't do something. Or maybe those expectations were only placed by me. But, some of this fear is rational. For the first 3 months of my pregnancy, I had a REALLY hard time remembering my prenatals...so i'm worried that that'll affect her in some horrible way. I guess some of that is my Catholic, mommy guilt too.
Then there is the caffeine addiction I have. I've been unable to kick caffeine all-together this pregnancy. With the boys, I gave it up cold turkey and I'm just hoping that it doesn't affect baby girl in some way as of yet unbeknownst to the dr's or myself. I've read some links of ADHD and caffeine during pregnancy, but considering where Zachary is at and the fact I didn't drink caffeine, maybe that link isn't completely there yet.
Most days I push these thoughts to the back of my head, but then there are days I wonder........
3 weeks ago