Zachary and Dentists and Doctors, OH MY!

1Yesterday was a very full day. Remember back a month ago, when I spoke of being the world's worst mother because of my son's totally decayed tooth? Well, yesterday was our appointment to fix said tooth. We went in a month ago and found out that it needed work on it (no shit, Sherlock!) and the dentist at that appointment had the worst chairside manner of any dentist I've ever seen. But I won't get into that because what's past is past. This dentist we saw yesterday was wonderful. He doted on Elizabeth (who tagged along with us for the ride), he was super gentle and patient with Zachary, and explained things to me. What more to ask for!?

So, after the filling is done the dentist explains that he had to drill into the baby root as well. The infection had spread that far. Yes, my poor boy had a root canal at 5 1/2. They put medicine in his tooth and then some more on a cotton ball and made him bite down for about 15 minutes to help kill off that nasty infection before packing the root and then eventually filling the tooth. Zachary was a trooper through the whole thing and only jumped and kinda protested while he was getting the novacaine shots in his gums. He was quite enthralled with the small amount of blood on his dental bib though!

After the dentist, we waited for daddy to get home from work then headed off to the psych appointment. We need to find a new psych before I stab this one in the eyes with a dull spoon. He is patronizing to the nth degree. Last appointment he was generally the same way, but I thought "hey, let's give him a shot...maybe I"m having a bad day". Well 2 strikes and you're out with me; especially when it involves my children and their care. Dr. would only half listen to my answers before making little comments to Chuck about "eh, that's just a mom right?" Um, excuse me? Are you trying to pit my husband against me? Maybe not that extreme but I do feel he was completely belittling me because I'm a woman. And that does not fly with me in any way, shape or form.

Dr. Moron then espoused his general disgust for the fact that Chuck and I work seperate shifts. His take on the whole thing...and I'm not necessarily begrudging him this because I do feel it would be best...is for Chuck and I be home together every night. It would be the best for Zachary's well-being to have our family together daily. So, after about 5 minutes of that I was getting a little heated and asked "so, would it be better for the children to be in daycare for 9 or 10 hours a day, or at least have one parent at home with them?" He quickly said "oh, well, you never want the children out of the house for more than 8 hours. And definitely a parent is always better for the child than a secondary caregiver." Okay. So let's backtrack. We're bad because we're not home together. But we'd be bad if we used daycare, too. Hmmm, that adds up to me that I should be in the house at all times. Isn't that what that sounds like? And while that would be ideal, it's not reality. So why does the dr. harp on it?

I also expressed some concern about Zachary's bed wetting. At 5 years old, he still bed wets almost nightly. Before the meds started in October, he was wetting nightly. He still wore overnights to bed. After he started the meds, that stopped and he was dry at night time for almost 2- 2 1/2 months. When we started seeing a downward trend in his behavior again, we also noticed the bed wetting coming back. I've been keeping a journal of all the days activities, how he behaves, what problems we have, and it seems that there is a connection between his bad days and his bed wetting. Dr. Moron states: "He's doing it intentionally. He should be able to not wet the bed at this age. You need to punish him". Eeek. PUNISH HIM? He said he can't seperate that it's a bad behavior if we don't punish him and make it known that it's not okay with us. Both Chuck and I were completely taken aback by this. Everything we've read says do not punish for potty accidents. So, Chuck asked if he was meaning something like changing his sheets. "yes! Changing his sheets is a good thing for him to do. It lets him know it's not okay. Or adding in extra chores."

Okay, this guy doesn't know us from Adam. But, I get that his assumption is that we allow Zachary to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants and isn't made to do anything. Um, no. Zachary does daily chores. He helps with laundry, he makes his bed, he changes his sheets, he cleans up his toys, he feeds the dog, he picks up the living room, takes out the trash. I'm sure I could go on. Is that an every day occurance? No, not neccessarily all of them, but he is asked and expected to do things around the house.

But, back on the topic of bed wetting. I bring up the fact that my younger brother wet the bed until 14 and so did 2 of my uncles and I had the understanding that it can also be genetic. He said "well, Zachary is just controlling you". Okay, at this point I was fuming and trying to talk myself out of gouging his eyes out with a spoon.

So, last night I did a little online research. Everything I read, from reputable sources like the American Academy of Physicians, says that children do not wet the bed intentionally or to anger their parents. Hmm. Wonder where this guy got his degree from.

He did bring up something interesting though. He asked if Zachary had been tested for Aspergers. This peaks my interest. It's always something I've been really curious about because from the reading I've done and the tests that I've been given, it seems a really likely diagnosis. But I don't know if the 1st dr. ever fully tested for that...if you can even. But then, Dr. Moron went on quickly to explain he doesn't change diagnoses anyways. Why bring it up if you're not willing to do something about it? Just one more strike in my book.

So, off to research new doctors. Again.


Diana said...

Yeah, this assclown needs the spoon!

I hope your little man gets someone willing to listen and work with you!

noname said...

Being on this side of things with my kids (meaning just that they're older) I have to agree with a consquence (sp?) for the bed wetting. No shaming, but something to let him know he needs to try harder.

Bear went from wetting the bed nightly and me telling him 'it was an accident' to smearing his own poo all over his room. Every. Single. Night. For 3 years. When he was 8 his new shrink told me I had to punish him for it. I was horrified as he'd just said Bear was doing it due to trauma from his real mom.

I waited another year before I broke, popped him (bum) and told him he was going to help me clean it up. Took maybe 3 months after that for him to stop completely. I stayed consistant with the consquences tho and it worked. I also had to literally think of it as a consquence rather than a punishment to be able to do it.

Glad his tooth is fixed! Scary how things can happen like that. Good luck on the search for a new doc. He does sound like he's talking out his ass. Any good doctor would work with you guys, not dictate his personal beliefs.

hannah said...

The dentist sounds wonderful; the doctor sounds like a jackass!!

If it's any consolation to you, Ethan (who is nearly 6) still wets the bed. Well, he wears Dry Nites, so the bed usually stays dry. But for a long time he was leaking through the Dry Nites as well. Not every night, but most.
I do NOT agree with punishing a child for wetting the bed. They can't help it!! Apparently there is a switch in the brain that is not turned out until age 6-7 or older in some boys, and that's one of the primary reasons for bed-wetting. I would never punish Ethan for something he has no physiological control over. He never wakes up easily in the night, he is a sound sleeper. I think he just sleeps through his bladder telling his brain that it is full.
I know one day he will grow out of it. He is already miles better than he was a year ago. If it continues for too much longer, I will be talking to my doctor about possible solutions. There are alarms, medications, etc. that can be tried.
I guess with Zachary his bed-wetting could be linked to his illness, but for his doctor to say he is doing it on purpose ... well that makes my blood boil! Grrr!

I hope you can find a new doctor who doesn't talk out of his butthole!!

Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

OMG that guy is a real tool! What a jerk! I know at least a handful of kids still wearing pull-ups in grade one.

GRRR.. drop that guy FAST.


Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

I meant pull ups to sleep of course.. not during the day .. gah

Anonymous said...

Hi Lisa, I have read your blog for a while now but felt I just had to add my comment to this story. I'm definately in the hereditary camp for bedwetting, I'm absolutely certain that there is nothing Zachary can do about it. Having been though it I thought I'd add in the tips we were given by the enuresis clinic. Firstly they suggested that Rory wasn't drinking enough (!) and we were given a star chart for drinking steadily throughout the day and not getting so thirsty that he drank lots after school - sounds sensible doesn't it, but we'd never given it a thought, we just thought he wasn't much of a drinker. So he took measured amounts to school and had to drink a certain amount at break and a certain amount at lunch and then finish the day's drink at tea time. If he was thirsy after that he could have a small amount of water. Unfortunately this didn't work for us, but it obviously works for some people, so you might want to give it a shot. Then we had the alarm which woke everyone in the house except Rory - One of your other comments mentioned their child was a deep sleeper, there's a pattern I feel! We also had the nasal sprays and oral medicine and tablets, all of which had absolutely no effect. After that, it was suggested that we just go "cold turkey", well as you can imagine with a 9 year old this was quite a chore. We were encouraged to get Rory to help change the bed NOT as a punishment, more so that he would be aware of the amount of time and energy it took every day to completely change a bed. I really didn't mean this comment to sound so negative, but what I wanted to say was that I firmly believe that children don't wet the bed for control, there is this part of their brain that isn't mature yet and rotten as it is, you just have to keep going until it does. You will get there! - we did!
Hope this helps,
Mommy Veg

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