The last 10 days????

So where have I been? I've been here. Plugging away at work. Trying desperately to keep my head above water at work and at home. I had my nights interview and Chuck had his days interview. Both went okay...not great but okay. We should hear this week. I've took a break from blogging because I was soooo upset over what happened last weekend and I didn't want that fight with my SIL to consume all my posts. So now I'm over it, and feel like I have more in my life that fighting and dealing with her.

Zachary is suprising me daily with the things that he's learning at preschool. My mom and dad watched him last weekend and Zachary spelled out MOM on his grandma's shirt and said "That spells MOM!" He spent a good portion of last night spelling out the words in the book with me and asking what the letters where if he didn't know and trying to figure out the words. I'm so proud of him! I'm still not very happy with his daycare, however, he's such a routine child I'm afraid of yanking him out right now since our job situation is a little up in the air. It's a very hard adjustment period for him...so while the current "school" isn't making him take naps, they aren't harming him in any way either so we'll just let it ride for a couple of weeks. They are doing a great job getting him to know his letters, numbers and he can count backwards now too!!! That's a new skill! Oh, and on February 25 he learned to SNAP! He's so proud of himself :) Daddy has showed him a couple of times but this weekend it just clicked (pun intended!)

Lucas is saying more words and he says "dede" for Daddy, occassionally which is making daddy happy but still usually calls him Momma! He's turning into such a little man. Chuck went to the store today and got some fruits, veggies and milk. We still buy Vitamin D and Skim milk...one for Lucas and the other for Zachary. Chuck must be very emotional today because he was reminding me that in just a couple of months Lucas will be able to go to skim milk too. He then goes on to tell me that it will be a sad and momentous occassion because while we'll only have to buy one milk, it also means that there are no more babies in the house. I can't believe how grown up my little baby is getting. I went and got his hair cut and they shaved it off! I almost cried. Now, this is no where near his first hair cut, but I've always cut it in a little boy cut. Now it's super short. His soft baby hair is gone!!!! But he does look absolutely adorable with the cut and looks like such a man. I guess it's getting to Chuck too.

I started on an anti-depressant. And I'm pms'ing. Not a good combination. I'm exhausted. But I'm hoping that it will help. Along with taking the anti-anxiety meds when I NEED them. And I can tell when I need them! I can't wait till Spring...I'm so sick of the winter blahs. I want the kids to be able to play outside for more than 5 minutes. I want to see sunshine when I get out of work at night. I want to be able to talk a walk outside during my lunch hours. I want to sit on my deck and watch the birds wake up. *sigh* Only a couple more months.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

I wanted to pay a tribute to mothers, mine in particular, since today is her birthday! My mom is really one of my absolute bestest friends. I know I can always go to her with anything, and always have been able to. Especially during the last 7-8 months, when our lives have been in so much turmoil, she's been there for all of us. Without judging anybody. I can never be more grateful for that. I found this little poem and have kept it for the last year or so, waiting for the moment to use it. I can't think of a better time to post it and remind ourselves of how important mothers are to us...and how important my mom is to me.

YOU CAN ONLY HAVE ONE MOTHER
You can only have one Mother
Patient, kind, and true
No other friend in all this world
Will be so true to you
For all her loving kindness
She asks nothing in return
If all the world deserts you
To Mother you can turn.

Many tears you have caused her
When you were sad and ill,
Maybe many sleepless nights
Tho grown, you cause her still,
So every time you leave her
Or when you come, and go,
Give her a kind word and a kiss
'Tis what she craves I know.

You can only have one Mother
No one else can take her place
You can't tell how you'll need her
Till you miss her loving face
Be careful how you answer her
Choose every word you say,
Remember, she's your Mother
Tho now she's old and gray.

You can only have one Mother
Oh, take her to your heart
You cannot tell how soon the time
When you and she must part,
Let her know you love her dearly
Cheer and comfort her each day
You can never get another
When she has passed away

Job Updates

Well, Chuck's interview for his day job is next Friday. My interview for a Night Lead Worker position is next Wednesday? Huh? Wait a minute...I thought we wanted to be on the same shift? Well, yes, we do. But there are so many $$$$ advantages to being on opposite shifts. A raise for me. Saving almost $100 a month by not paying parking and city taxes. Saving money from not having the boys in daycare full time (I would still have them in every morning so that I can sleep a little). But then the big downside is Chuck and I would NEVER see each other but the weekends and the boys are yet again without a "family" 5 days out of the week. There's so many advantages and disadvantages to both and Chuck is being so great about letting me decide what I feel is best for ME as a working mom but it's also hard to decide what's best for the family. The money is so tight right now that I can't put Zachary in the skating lessons like I'd like to (and he'd love to). Having me on nights would help alleviate that. But is it good for anybody's sanity? I just don't know. We'll see who offers us what and see how it all plays out in a couple of weeks I guess.

Can you say ECSTATIC?

Well, I always knew that Lucas would be *slightly* easier to potty train than Zachary because while Zachary didn't mind being wet and poopy all day long every day, Lucas HATED it! With. a. passion. But still, imagine my surprise on Sunday, February 12, 2006 in the evening when Lucas kept going to the bathroom door and lifting up his shirt. He did it a couple of times and then pointed at the light. So I asked, questioningly, "do you have to go potty" to which I got a very emphatic positive head shake. So, we went in there and sat on the potty for a little while and he peed! YESSS! I figured well at least he knows what it's for! Couple of hours later he does the same thing...and goes AGAIN. So apparantly he's not showing the same signs at daycare, but last night he went into the bathroom and went pee and poop on his *own* on the big potty all by himself! And tried to wipe! I am just so surprised. Now granted we are so not pushing it nor are we planning on putting him in trainers anytime soon, but it's a great start that he can kinda tell when he needs to go! Plus, he's got a lot more patience to just sitting than Zachary does. Lucas is 21 months now. Wow.

Valentine's Day was on Tuesday and it was also the day that Lucas learned the word balloon "boon" as he pronounces it and was VERY disappointed than mommy and daddy didn't buy him a balloon through the school like EVERY OTHER parent apparantly did. And Zachary came up to me with the saddest face when I went to get him and he said "Mommy, I didn't get a balloon and everybody else did" I thought he was going to cry. Chuck and I honestly thought about it again and again, but ultimately didn't do it before the deadline. They were $3.50 each as a fundraiser for the Student Council. So that night, I went to Walmart and bought them each 7 latex balloons and had them blown up for the grand old price of 97 CENTS! And they LOVED them...and thanked me again and again. Gotta love the wonders of such cheap toys!

Lucas's sheet from daycare today said "Lucas was being a bully today and wouldn't leave any of the other kids alone. He also has a scratch from one of the babies". I guess tonight we need to make his bedtime a regular bedtime instead of 11 pm. *sigh* But it was very nice to talk to 2 old friends last night, but makes for a hard behavioral day for the boys. That's for dang sure! So...we're off to say good night and watch a little bit of t.v. and hit the hay!

My Valentine's Day Present

I got home to find a dozen yellow, red-tipped roses. I LOVE yellow roses and these were beautiful. Plus, I got a huge size candy bar of Cadbury Fruit and Nut (I fell in love with these when I was preggo in London and no one over here carries them until like a week ago). And I got this homemade card. Now, people probably wonder why I'm posting this when it's kinda personal, but I re-read my blog and I want to keep his words where I can read them when I need to.

The Road Not Taken

Two Roads diverged in a yellow wood

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And look down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that, the passing there

Has worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodeen black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence;

Two roads diverged ina wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by

And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

Leaves of Autumn was a major theme at our wedding. When you think about most people would associate them with an ending, poets often use them to symbolize loss or sorrow, not a beginning. So I will have to remake the symbolism to fit my own need. I like to think that they stand for longevity or in this work by Frost for discovery. Many people at first did not want us to take this path. I am glad I did. I do not regret it. Though sometimes the path is steep and rocky and hard to travel, you came with ma and are there to help me and I you. There are also time when the path is smooth and level and a joy to travel. But always it is marked by "leaves no step had trodden black". I don't know where the path goes or what we'll find at the end but I want to find out with you. So come with me and travel this road marked with leaves beginning to end and we'll see whats around the next bend. I for one am glad I took the road less traveled. Will you trod a few leaves black with me a litle longer? CDL 2/14/06

Along with this card, I got 12 silver oak leaf napkin holders that are beautiful and will match our china pattern wonderfully. I love my husband. I wish he wouldn't have had to work last night.

10 things I LOVE about my husband.

Today is Valentine's Day. I figured what a better day than pay tribute to the man I love. And Why do I love him? Well, there are days I ask myself that very question. But, it always comes back to me.

1. Because he's a great dad. Just look at the love between him and Lucas in this photo that I got completely on accident. He's got a bond with his boys that most dads will never have in their entire life. For that, I LOVE him.

2. Because he loved me when I thought I was completely unloveable. When I thought, "OMG, why would anyone find me attractive?" I laid on his bed, naked no less, and he told me I was the most beautiful and sexiest woman he'd ever seen. And said it like he meant it...not like he said it just to get laid. For making me feel so special, I love him.

3. Because he is a sentimental sap. For Valentine's Day a few years ago he completely blew me away with champagne, fire in the fireplace, little thoughtful gifts, rose petals on the bed, a cd just for me and a hot bath....along with making dinner. On Sept 13, 2002, he gave me a card that said "One year ago today, you gave me a son. Thank you" That was one year to the day that I took the pregnancy test and realized I was pregnant with our first child. For him remembering little dates like that and taking the time to make those dates special for me, I love him.

4. Because he always tries to make things better for me. When I'm sad, he tries to make me laugh. When I'm mad, he tries to make me laugh. Actually, I guess he tries to make me laugh a lot. And sometimes, he's succeeds and sometimes I just want him to shut up and let me cry. But it means a lot to me that he cares so much that he TRIES to make me feel better. For that I love him.

5. Because he's sacrificed for our family. He hates his job. He hates seeing dr's and medicine. And yet, he does it because he knows its best for me and the boys. He would so rather be working at St. Vincent's and yet he couldn't make the money we needed, so he quit a job he loved in order to give the family the things we need. For that I love him.

6. Because he helps me keep grounded. He makes me see things realistically and keeps me from blowing up at stupid insensitive relatives. He's taught me some culture (ballet in London, anyone?). And yet, he still allows me to be myself and sit in front of sitcoms and veg when I want to and not force me to watch the History channel. For that, I love him.

7. Because he realizes how important it is for me to have me time. And that even though I sometimes forget that that also means that he needs HIM time, he still makes me go out with the girls, go get my hair done, go shopping by myself so that I can be alone. I love that he wants me to maintain my own personality and not be just mom and wife, but Lisa.

8. Because he is the best lover EVER. Honestly. There are wild nights and tender nights and yet I always know that he's there completely for me. I have never in my life felt more fulfilled after a good night of Chuck sex. Wow. Nuff said.

9. Because he's not a typical man. He cleans the house. He washes the dishes (WAY more often than I do). He has a hot dinner on the table every night when me and the boys get home. And it's usually WAY better than I could have cooked. He does the laundry and actually PUTS it away. And I don't say enough how MUCH I appreciate all that he does for us...and have the tendency to pick out the things that he DOESN'T do, instead of the things he does. And yet, he still plugs away and does them anyway. For that, I love him.

10. Because he completes me. I can never love him enough for that.

Thank you for loving me back. For all my short comings too. I know things are not always easy, and the road that we travel is very often rocky, but I love you dearly. I know that won't change and it will carry us through. I'm sorry that I don't tell you enough exactly how special you are to me.

Boobies!

http://www.nbc.com/The_Biggest_Loser/players/specialedition/couples2/kim.shtml

Check out Kim. She was on the show the Biggest Loser (which is such an incredibly inspirational show). I was flipping channels with Zachary the other night when I saw this was on. They were doing a final weigh in with Kim when Zachary tells me that I look EXACTLY like her. Okay, let's re-cap. She's about 150 lbs lighter than I am. She's a redhead. I just don't see it but then they say kids can see things sometimes adults can't. Then, Zachary states this:

But her boobs are A LOT smaller than yours, mommy. *looks at my chest* Yep, your boobs are a lot bigger than her boobs.

Ah, the inflictions of a 3 year old boob man!

YAY! YAY! YAY!

I just found out that my hubby has an interview for a DAY job. IF he gets this job, it will be the first time in almost 4 years that we've worked the same shift!!! We could actually have a normal life and the boys would be able to see their daddy every night, and I wouldn't have to have a babysitter to go out with the girls! And daddy could go out with the boys at night if he wanted...we could actually have sex EVERY NIGHT if we wanted! Which I think I will for the first 2 months if he gets this job!

More info later!

Last Night

I had a mommy's night out. YAY!

Do you know I went on a mommy's night out about 3 weeks ago and before that it had been literally MONTHS and MONTHS since I had gone out by myself without Chuck or the boys to do anything?

So, I'm feeling like socializing more. And realizing that maybe having a little fun myself and meeting some other mommy friends and being able to relate to others will help me be a better mommy and wife.

I was well on my way to being a better wife last night (too damn bad hubby works nights!) as a friend and I went to Ladies Night at Deja Vu (local strip club). The radio station was doing a remote there and they had all kinds of free giveaways, demonstrations, new products, huge sales, and refreshments. There were a TON of women there from all walks of life and only one gross, ucky dirty old pervert who kept playing with all the "toys" and made me wanna puke. But otherwise it was so much fun. I got two bags of free things and had tons of fun talking to Amanda and looking at stuff. So, after picking up the boys from my brothers and having them fall asleep on the way home I was ready to go....with no hubby. I'll be happy when we work a normal schedule.

I'm also looking forward to another mommy's night out!

Vocabularies

Chuck and I were talking last night (well, actually at about 3:30 am this morning when he got home...I am EXHAUSTED this morning!) about how Zachary's vocabularly is going to a new level. Chuck referred to it as "daddisms". He starting to pick up on things that we say all the time. Examples:

Daddy: Hey, how'd school go today?
Z: Cool, DUDE!


Mommy: You need to eat some green beans, please.
Z: Well, FINE!


Mommy: Zachary, I don't feel like playing that right now.
Z: Well, just DEAL WITH IT!


Z: Oh crap! I forgot to drink my milk. (Okay, so that one is totally my fault. I guess crap is better than some of the other things he could be saying!)

Yea, so his 3 year old attitude is getting worse, however, some of the way he says things and the hands on the hips or the tilt of his head just crack me up. I've had to step into another room just so I don't laugh in front of him before coming back in and telling him we don't talk to adults like that....or friends for that matter.

He also told me just the other day that he's getting older. Yes, you are I told him. He then informed me that when he was 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5 counted out on his fingers) he would be all grown up. I told him I thought maybe he should wait for a few more years after that before he decided to be grown up. Nope, 5 is the magic number.

Lucas's words are growing every day too! Unless, of course, you want him to repeat a new word. Yesterday, I told the boys it was cold outside. Lucas repeated "cold". Zachary (who is SOOO excited that Lucas is starting to talk a little) said "WHAT did he say? Did he say cold?" I asked Lucas to say it again. He promptly told me "NO". Well, at least we have that word down. He can also say Bye (buh) now as well as hat, coat and he tries to say scarf. Couple more months and the boy will be speaking in sentences!

My personality...pretty much.

You Are a Bright Star Soul

Like a shining star, you have no trouble being the center of attentionIn fact, you often feel a bit hurt when all eyes aren't on youYou need to be number one in everything, no matter how trivialAnd it's this ego that both hurts your confidence and helps you acheive You're dramatic and a powerhouse of pure energyYou posess a divine quality or uniqueness that's hard to defineA natural performer, it's likely you'll become famous in some circles.Just learn not to take everyone's reaction to you so personally! Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul and Prophet Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

I love bedtimes.

And not just because it means that I get some rest...and the house is quiet. However, that's always a nice perk as well. But more because it's during this time that the boys become my cuddle monsters. We have a routine every night for settling down: bathtime, jammies, rocking together and watching about 30 minutes of American Idol, Skating with the Stars or a movie, turn off the t.v. and read a book or two and rock some more, then lay down together and sing a song. Zachary usually requests "Hush Little Baby First" but then ALWAYS requests "Rocket Racer" after that. When Lucas was an infant that song was a surefire way to put him to sleep. I've never found a sweeter, more appropriate lullaby for my two little boys.

Rocket racer's all tuckered out
Superman's in pajamas on the couch
Goodnight moon, we'll find the mouse
And I love you
Godspeed, little men
Sweet dreams, little men
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

God bless mommy and match box cars
God bless dad and thanks for the stars
God hears "Amen," wherever we are
And I love you
Godspeed, little men
Sweet dreams, little men
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Godspeed
Godspeed
Sweet dreams

(Dixie Chicks, Godspeed)

The other nighttime ritual that Zachary and I used to have is kisses. Now, we'll still give each other kisses every night, but when Lucas was born and I was working on Zachary sleeping in his big boy bed we had a special good night kiss which was lip kisses, eskimo kisses and butterfly kisses every night. Somehow we've gotten away from that over the last year or so. I don't know why...maybe because it was something between just the two of us and now Lucas is right there too. Why mention all of this now? This morning, out of nowhere, Zachary gives me lip kisses, eskimo kisses and butterfly kisses. My heart soared. There's nothing more precious in this world than holding your child and having him express his feelings of love to you.

Odds and Ends

First, I HATE seeing my boys in pain. And Zachary is in a lot of pain today. It actually started about 1:30 am with the crying and sobbing that his ear hurt. Every mom knows exactly what that is at 1:30 am and so I gave him some pain killer with the thought that I would call his Dr. first thing in the morning for an appt. Well, needless to say, he didn't sleep much or very well after that. Took him to the dr at noon, and sure enough it's an ear infection. No big deal, right? Well, apparently its a rare form of infection that causes a BLISTER on the ear drum and is incredibly painful. She said he was the sickest boy she'd seen all morning. He even turned down the GIGANTIC (I'm talking as big as a salad plate!) cookie saying he just wanted to save it for later. Now, that's one sick little boy! So he has antibiotic and pain killing ear drops that should help better than the tylenol. Poor little guy.

Second, I went to see my dr this morning and learned I had GAINED 5 lbs. I about started crying...I gave up Mt. Dew, have been eating better, and walking and I've gained? I honestly feel like I'm never gonna be rid of this monkey on my back. However, the doc did tell me that I was likely having anxiety/anger attacks and prescribed some stuff along with keeping with my stress relieving exercises. So we'll see. I just want to go back to a happy, go-lucky mommy!

Third...kids say the darndest things! Actual conversation that I had last night with Zachary.

Me: It's going to be bathtime soon.
Z: Nah, let's just skip bath tonight.
Me: Um, no. You guys are all grubby from your ice cream cones.
Z: *licking his hands* Not anymore. I'm getting all cleaned up now.

*LOL* That's my boy. Always trying to find a way around something!

Lucas Michael has attached himself to this big dog that his Grandma and Grandpa L got him for his birth. It's huge...about as big as he is. Well, he carries it around the house, rides it, races it against his brother's big dog, and sleeps with it. It's so cute seeing him pull this gigantic dog onto his chest and give his nose kisses. And then he asks me to give the dog's nose kisses. Then tells me "dog" (Yea! Another new word! Along with "ruff!") and wants me to pet the dog to sleep. Most kids have small security blankets or animals. Not my boy. He's got a dog as big as he is!