Where to start?

I'm tired. That's a good place. I think I'm more tired now than I was in the beginning of this pregnancy. There are days I feel like I hit a brick wall and just can't move any longer. I talked to my midwife about this and the basic consensus is that is my body's way of saying "SLOW DOWN!" Today I slept from about 3 am to 8 am and then again from 10:45 to 11:45 and then again from 1:45 to 3:45. I'm so glad the boys are such good boys and still take naps with me in the afternoon!

But then I get to work and deal with bullshit. Constantly. I don't understand why people make decisions before they fully understand the concept of the job or what actually needs to happen or does happen. And then, when they don't know, they don't ask questions. WHY? *sigh* I'll be glad to be going off on maternity leave. My boss has been telling everyone for months now that I'll be off for at least 6 months (try more like 6 weeks due to financial reasons) but I'm seriously thinking a 6 month hiatus sounds like a freaking God send right now. Except for the fact that after 6-8 weeks I'd be itching to get back to work and have some quiet time and not the insanity of having 3 children in our home.

Next Friday is our first appointment with the psychiatrist for Zachary. This appt. is just for Chuck and I. I'm assuming to go over what we feel Zachary's issues and behaviors are, what the background is...both for him and for our family backgrounds, as well as see what this place has to offer and how they may be able to help. And I so hope they can help. Zachary has seemed to be in a bit of a funk lately and is crying at everything. Absolutely everything. It's driving me a little batty.

A few days ago, I had asked him to go potty before naptime. He said "It's okay, momma, I'm wearing a diaper" Now, this is where I should point out that Zachary is almost FIVE! He's been potty trained a full 1 1/2 years. Luke is now to the point where I would consider him potty trained as well (except for today. He's not feeling well and poop is just running out of him, poor kid). Anyway, I ask Zachary if he means his overnight pull up from the night before. Nope, he shows me. He's wearing one of Luke's diapers.

Zachary gets dressed by himself every morning. Picks out his own clothes and fully dresses himself in his room by himself. I never question it because it's never been an issue. But, yes, he's wearing one of Luke's diapers (also for at nighttime). And he peed in it! He'd wore it all morning at school and then peed in it! WTH? So when Zachary gets into bed for naptime, after changing into underwear at my insistance, he sighs. Really, really heavy-like. I asked him what the matter was. His response: It's just so hard being 4. *big sigh* I wish I were 1 again. It's easier being 1.

Now, it's so hard to not laugh. Because honey if you think 4 is hard, try being almost 30, pregnant with 2 kids and being a working mom. But I withheld the laughter. Because in a way it's kinda sad to me. My kid has such worrisome things on his mind that being 4 sucks. And his brain works in such a way that it upsets him and he worries and thinks about these things. And that worries me too.

So, I'm looking forward to talking with the dr. Plus, on a side note, Chuck and I have to go to the big city ALONE. Maybe we'll have a nice dinner out after the dr. appointment :)


Hannah said...

First up, I have to say before I forget ... OMG you are SOOOOO lucky that your boys still nap!! Ethan dropped his naps just before he turned 3. Tyler still naps but there are days I wish they both would!!

I'm sorry you're so tired and that you have to put up with work crap. I SO hear you on that one!! But at least you don't have to put up with it for much longer. How long do you think you'll have on maternity leave? I hope you do get to have 6 months like you are wishing for.

I wouldn't freak out too much about Zachary saying "it's too hard being 4". Ethan has said the same kind of thing to me. He's said "I wish I could be a baby again, I liked being a baby". He dresses himself every day too and sometimes he just says "I'm just too tired to do it!!!" ... I think because he likes to have a break from the "responsibility" of doing it all the time, ya know?

Anonymous said...

Wow, surprised me what Zachary said - His response: It's just so hard being 4. *big sigh* I wish I were 1 again. It's easier being 1 -
He can amaze me what he can say and what he think at his age at 4.


noname said...

I think that it's possibly he's sensing the big change coming with the baby and that may have gotten him thinking. My oldest and my youngest boy each wanted to 'be a baby' again around the time I had the "next" kid. Oldest told me that babies don't get in trouble like big kids when I asked him why.

Change is scary for kids but they can't voice it the way we can. Maybe this is his way of dealing with things. One of mine asked if we'd still love them once the new baby was here. If only kids came with manuals, lol.


The Insider | Creative Commons Attribution- Noncommercial License | Dandy Dandilion Designed by Simply Fabulous Blogger Templates