Chuck posed this question to me this weekend after yet another one of our friends retold his divorce saga.
My answer was a quick "Divorced" answer. But then I thought for a minute. Sure, we've had some really hard times, but I think a lot of our hard times has to do with not enough time, not enough money, and stresses from the kids.
Without having the kids, would we have the problems we've had in the last 2 1/2 years? Yet, would we feel as fulfilled in our lives as we do now, even though in our relationship we've had issues? Would that lack of fulfillment drive us furthur apart?
It's easy to say we'd be divorced if all the circumstances were the same as now, minus the kids. However, it's hard to say that the circumstances would be the same. Having kids changes everything in your life. Even your relationship with your spouse.
The more I thought about this, the more I thought, "man, people probably think we are just staying together for the kids." That's not true...at least not for me. (I can't speak for my husband.) I don't feel like I'm trapped in a loveless marriage because of the kids. I feel that because of the kids, we work harder at our relationship. Work harder at staying together because of what we want for our family. Work harder at staying in love.
Because beyond all the fairy tales that you hear, love and marriage and relationships are not easy. There are problems. There are compromises. It's when you stop working to be better, stronger, and stay together for each other that you run into problems.
4 days ago