Hopes becoming realized

Have you ever had something that you wanted soo bad and then when it's just about on your doorstep, you step back and think "holy shit! What's going on? Did I want this?"

I'm freaking out a little. Just *a little*.

Last week, Zachary was observed for the first time by the KEEP counselor. Tuesday I was able to meet with Sheila and we talked for almost an hour. I was very upfront and forthcoming with her (as that's just who I am) and discussed some of our biggest concerns for Zachary. I explained that we saw a psychologist about 7 1/2 months ago who seemed like he would be on the right track but never got back with us. I explained that Chuck was diagnosed bipolar after a very, very rough few months. I explained that we've seen differences in Zachary since he was about 18 months old. I think because Chuck grew up bipolar and probably ADD, we look for things since it is highly hereditary. At first, we didn't know WHAT we were looking at, but I like to be somewhat knowledgeable and looked at a bunch of stuff and try to know my kid. So I gave her all my opinions and observations and background, and was told that we were seeing things way before most parents AND very astute for seeing these things.

She suggested that we (meaning her and us) contact this Dr. that specializes in bipolar and either rule it out or get a handle on it first. Especially since this Dr. is a big guru in the feild and runs a bipolar assessment clinic. I said GREAT! Let's see what he has to say.

Sheila called me this morning. Said things were moving a lot faster than anticipated and normal. Said that the Dr. emailed her back almost immediately and wants us to contact him directly to set up the appointments and get information. So, I googled his name.

Wow. Seriously, this guy has written books on the Bipolar Child. Has a bipolar child himself. Tours the country lecturing on the behaviors of bipolar children and teaches pediatric psychology. AND collaborates with another specialist on bipolar children and autism. (Aspergers is one of the things that has been brought up before). AND Dr. Glovinsky does all the testing for the gifted children for a big school in the Detroit area.

I feel so damn lucky to be able to have this opportunity to get Zachary in with someone GREAT. And for Free! Yes, free. He donates his time through the community health department (which is the program Sheila works with is through).

But I just feel like OMG...what's happening? What if it is these things? How do I deal and cope? What if it's not? I'm going to feel like a tool for making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Now, of course, I've already called the dr. and am waiting for a return call and we'll do whatever is necessary to get Zachary whatever help he needs for him AND us to be successful. But I still feel like everything is moving so fast now and I just don't know what to think or do.