ALIEN!!!

I have an alien inside of my stomach.

She is bursting to come out.

Today, while sitting at the computer I swear I saw a little hand pop out of my belly button and try to type something out to her daddy on the email.

Okay.....Okay...Maybe I'm exaggerating a *little* bit. However, everytime I get to this point in my pregnancies (you know the point where you can SEE your stomach moving) I am reminded of the movie Alien. Especially that part where the woman's body starts to move and then an alien head shoots out of her stomach. I know, it's a lovely picture, but I'm reminded of it nonetheless.

Today was the first time I saw this phenomenon. I was sitting there, typing an email to Chuck, and my stomach moved. I just saw it out of the corner of my eye...and then I saw it again. Since then, I don't think that this little girl has sat still.

While the movement is undoubtedly one of the coolest things about pregnancy, one of my favorite things, it's still a little unnerving to see it happening in your own body.

Last Wednesday, I had a midwife appointment and my second ultrasound. We had to have a second ultrasound because of an inability to see everything last time. This time around, the tech was able to see all internal organs and all parts of the brain. I was even able to see all four chambers of the heart pumping away in there. It was really cool. And I asked, just to make sure, and it is still a girl! The little girl is laying transverse across my belly too, which is probably why I'm not popping out like a basketball and why I'm having such pain in my hips.

I also had to do my glucose test checking for gestational diabetes. This is always something that is rather worrisome to me, considering that diabetes is rampant in my family and my grandfather died from diabetic complications. As of yet, I haven't heard anything back regarding that, so I'm assuming it's a good thing.

I did gain 2 lbs this visit. But, I'm totally a-ok with that. Hell, not pregnant I can gain 2 lbs in 2 days, so 2 lbs in a month isn't too shabby. I'm still down a total of 10 lbs this pregnancy.

And now I start going to the midwife every 2 weeks!!!!! I can't believe I'm already in my third trimester. I feel like this pregnancy is absolutely flying by. I know there are days that I can't wait to end, but for the most part I'm so busy with the boys, Chuck, the house, work, that time is flying! We have finally started working on the baby's room, well we've been doing bits here and there...but it's almost cleaned out and we should be able to start tearing down paneling and drywall this weekend. I can't wait to see it finished :)

It's funny how with each consecutive child you get laxer and laxer with things. At this point in my pregnancy with Zachary, I believe we had the room cleared, the bed set up and things hanging in the closet and wall hangings on the wall...all waiting in anticipation for our bundle of joy. With Luke, we knew we were moving, but I still had things ready for the baby...bottles out, cradle set and ready to go, new car seat for Zachary so Luke could have the infant seat.

Now, with our third child...I'm 11 weeks from having her...and the room isn't even cleared out and we have construction and remodeling to do! I guess I just know a little better now just exactly what's needed and what's important. And having a perfect nursery isn't it.

Ever have one of those days?

Where you are looking forward to something so much that you are actually on time to the function? (Well, maybe that's just my life. I'm always 20 minutes late. I'll be late to my own damn funeral).

But I was ON TIME this morning. With 2 kids in clothes in tow.

And then...NOTHING. Complete and utter disappointment.

Zachary was supposed to be evaluated this morning and the counselor called in sick. So now we have to reschedule the appointment in probably another 2 weeks. *sigh* I seriously almost started crying. (Damn pregnancy hormones). But I was really looking forward to making some kind of progress with this. At least getting something started and on the way with this child.

It's probably a blessing in disguise though because Miss Pam (his teacher) said that he was so good today! And he was wonderful this afternoon...listened to directions and followed through with them. If you miscount the mishap of his mattress ending up off the bed and onto the floor, today was the best day in quite some time. So, I guess it's okay that she didn't come. She needs to see the kids' BAD days :)

Next Tuesday

Is the day.

The day that I might get some type of answers regarding Zachary.

We've been told that February 20th, the infamous Sheila (the counselor) will be coming to evaluate Zachary within the classroom. She won't be interacting WITH Zachary, just watching him and how he interacts with the teacher, the other students and himself. The teacher, myself and Chuck all have to complete a questionnaire about our experiences with Zachary, as well.

So, we probably won't get any answers that day. But at least I'll feel like we have finally accomplished *something*. That we may be on our way to helping him.

Tuesday of this week we received a letter from our insurance company (after only 6 1/2 months since our initial visit) that they are denying any testing for Zachary. Their reason is that it is only for "educational purposes" and there is nothing medically wrong with him.

Oh, realllly? Wanna come hang out with him 24/7?? Supposedly this Sheila should be able to help with referrels and insurances and appeals to get him whatever he needs. I hope so.

On another note, Zachary asked Chuck the night after he told me he wanted a new mom and dad:

Z: "Daddy, remember how I said I wanted a new momma and daddy?"

C: "Yep"

Z: "That was kind of a mean thing to say wasn't it?"

C: Well yea, buddy, it's wasn't really nice.

Z: I didn't really mean it. I do want you and momma as my momma and daddy.

This kid is really such a sweetheart. It was completely out of the blue and neither Chuck nor I mentioned it to him after my initial conversation with him about it. That's Zachary's saving grace...his sweet nature.

5 words to describe your marriage

Among the "moms" today there was discussion about what 5 words would describe your marriage/relationship.

It took me a few minutes to come up with some words. Not because I couldn't think of any, it's just that some didn't fit.

As I was reading through what other people had used to describe and define their relationship, I felt a little sad for them.

Comfortable, Relaxed, Safe were used on several peoples lists....and not just one of them, but ALL of them.

Chuck and I have a comfortable relationship and I definitely feel safe with him and relaxed around him. Afterall, we've been together for 10 years and have *almost* 3 children together. But I don't think of those words as defining our relationship. They are a part of it, sure, but doesn't define who we are.

I chose 5 words and still was struggling for the correct word on some of them:

Unconditional
Enjoyable
Hard
Passionate
Complimentary

After I wrote my words, another person used Challenging and I think I like that word even better than hard. Our relationship is full of challenges. It's definitely not perfect, however, we are both unconditionally committed to our relationship and making it work that not being perfect is a-ok. I would rather have a relationship that was enjoyable and passionate, than a laxa-daisy relationship that was so comfortable it became boring.

Why is our relationship challenging? Might I remind you of the *almost* 3 kids. That's challenge in and of itself. We also work opposite shifts and see each other maybe 10 minutes a day. And yes, we have problems. But those problems we are working on diligently, and I think we are becoming a stronger, more united couple because of it.

After I wrote my words down, I asked Chuck what words he would use to describe us. I think it's a good sign that we chose the same parts of our relationship to define us...and used similar (even though they aren't the same words).

Love
Commitment
Partnership
Frustrating
Kinky

So here's how I see our comparison:

Unconditional=Commitment
Enjoyable=Love (I didn't want to sound clique by using love. LOL)
Hard=Frustrating
Passionate=Kinky (um, yea, we are passionately kinky. Anyone knowing us IRL would say so!)
Complimentary=Partnership

And those words are all a-ok with me. While it's not perfect, it's the fact that we are working on it. And as one mom said "Getting better all the time".

That's us. Happy Valentine's Day!

Fears for this new baby of ours

As I said yesterday in my post, I want the best for my children.

A lot of pregnant women have fears.

Fears about what childbirth is going to be like.
Fears about what having a child is going to be like.
Fears about having 2, 3 or more children.
Fears about having quality time with each child.

I don't seem to have those fears. My fears are probably completely irrational to every other human being on the planet. But I think we take our own personal experiences and inflict them on what we do or DON'T want for our children.

Enter those fears for this pregnancy.

One of my biggest issues growing up was being overweight and ugly. Or at least feeling as such. Is it any wonder that I have an irrational fear of this baby girl being fat and ugly? I don't know why because my boys are absolutely adorable kids with no weight problems whatsoever, but with Chuck and I having BIG genes, I'm just afraid that it's going to be the girl that gets it. I know it's hard to explain but I'd rather have a big boy where you are considered husky and a football player than a fat girl and be just fat.

I'm also concerned about her being smart enough. Now, this isn't something that I really ever had problems with as a child. However, I felt I was expected to be above the bar in order to prove that just because you're a girl, doesn't mean you can't do something. Or maybe those expectations were only placed by me. But, some of this fear is rational. For the first 3 months of my pregnancy, I had a REALLY hard time remembering my prenatals...so i'm worried that that'll affect her in some horrible way. I guess some of that is my Catholic, mommy guilt too.

Then there is the caffeine addiction I have. I've been unable to kick caffeine all-together this pregnancy. With the boys, I gave it up cold turkey and I'm just hoping that it doesn't affect baby girl in some way as of yet unbeknownst to the dr's or myself. I've read some links of ADHD and caffeine during pregnancy, but considering where Zachary is at and the fact I didn't drink caffeine, maybe that link isn't completely there yet.

Most days I push these thoughts to the back of my head, but then there are days I wonder........

I'm an aunt again!

Welcome Baby Emma LeeAnn!

(Her middle name is after my Dad (Lee) and my SIL's sister (who died of colorectal cancer at age 29) and her mom...both middle names being Ann).

7 lbs, 7 oz and 21 3/4 inches long.

Momma ended up having a c-section because she was too exhausted to push any furthur. I finally talked to my brother and the baby was coming down the birth canal at an angle and got stuck. Kelly was throwing up after the c-section and as of 9:30 was still sick. She was not breastfeeding, as they are concerned its the flu and they don't want Emma to get sick too :(

Apparently, though, Dan was text messaging Kelly's sister while she was pushing. Hmmm, I think I would have had a few words to say about that.

I'm planning on going to the hospital tomorrow (sans the boys) to see baby Emma!

MIA and Zachary

Well, as you can see it's been quite some time since I've posted. That's not to say I haven't been thinking about my posts. I actually have 3 drafts started of notes of things I want to talk about, but I think I'll blame the weather for my lack of creativity and ability to write. Last year, I was diagnosed preliminary with seasonal depression. To say the least, it sucks. It hits me hard in Jan/Feb/ and March. So I'm dead in the middle of it. It's not quite as severe this year as in past years, probably due to the pregnancy, but I definitely notice myself MUCH more emotional and I want to be involved in less. I feel disenchanted from my mom's group...very much the outsider in a group of women I've grown to call my friends over the last year and a half. But suddenly, I'm feeling left out, forgotten, not just by them but at work as well. My mood is also such that I don't WANT to write. Even though now is the time I should.

In the meantime, I had my 25 week midwife appointment. Everything went well, I lost an additional 2 pounds making this a total loss of 12 lbs for this pregnancy. Woo! I love being pregnant for my weight loss. This time I AM going to keep it off after I have the baby! But just being pregnant has caused some extra emotion in my life, damn hormones.

So, that brings me to a place of extreme emotion and not wanting to deal with things, right?

Enter Zachary. As a mother, I want what is best for my children. I think all (well, at least most) mothers do. Last week, I was approached by Zachary's preschool teacher. The long and the short of it was he wasn't allowed to go out on recess because of his behavior. And then when he was told this, he went into a complete meltdown. Miss Pam informed me that if she had a day like that EVERY day she would have to ask us to remove him from preschool, it was that severe. We had had problems with Zachary and his behavior for about 4 days prior to that as well, just having some major issues listening, focusing, keeping his hands to himself, crying, meltdowns, tantrums, etc. This isn't completely atypical for him either but it definitely seems to come in cycles. I almost started crying with his teacher....I felt completely (and still do) at my wits end with trying to figure out how to deal with him. I asked her honest opinion about my oldest child and her response was that there would be no way that a kindergarden teacher could handle him and 27 students even on an okay day for Zachary. He's too high maintenance, too high strung, and has to be watched constantly. And on a bad day? Yikes.

We discussed how I've tried to get him seen by this psychologist who came highly recommended and had some suggestions at Zachary's "uniqueness". But after 4 months of calling, and no return phone calls on their behalf, I'm frustrated there too. Miss Pam explained about a program called KEEP (Keeping Early Education Positive) and suggested that we (as preschool and home) contact them and see what we can do to make his life successful. Miss Pam said that he's absolutely smart and picks up on things quickly and absorbs everything, but for as advanced as he is in that manner, he's just as far below socially and behaviorally. So, next week there will be a counselor coming to Zachary's school to evaluate him and talk to his teacher, Chuck and I and then make some recommendations on where we can go from here. Miss Pam suggested that Zachary will more than likely be referred out to a more in depth counselor/pscyhiatrist/psychologist because he has issues further than just being not disciplined at home.

While discussing this all with Chuck, I sobbed. Literally sobbed. I just want Zachary to succeed in life. He told me last weekend that he wanted to be an animal dr. At the rate he is going, he'll not be able to make that goal (if it's his goal at that part of his life). Not because he isn't smart enough but because he doesn't seem to have the ability at this point to focus and behave. I want that to change but I just don't know how!!!

The next day, Zachary explained to me that he wanted a new mom and dad. Ones that weren't so mean and yelled so much. I thought I sobbed the day before? Nothing at all compared to that day. Why? Children hate their parents sometimes right? Sure. But I do yell too much. I don't know how else to deal with him anymore. Nothing else has worked. Yelling isn't working, either, but I'm out of ideas. I emailed Chuck and told him I don't think I can be a mom anymore. Soo....a parent wants what's best for their child. What if what's best for them is to have a different mom? But I had to remind myself (after Chuck saying "well you are a mom! So we'll just have to figure out a better way to deal with him!") that God gave this child to me because I AM the best parent he can have. I will forge on to find out how best to handle him, how best to get him to succeed in school and life. Some parents, will say "well, they're just a bad seed. it's their problem and their fault". I know beter and will be an advocate for my child. It's just so tiring and exhausting in the meantime. And well, emotionally draining not to mention dehydrating from all those tears.

So, seasonal depression, pregnancy and a "spirited" child who needs special help didn't mesh well last week. I hope next week, the counselor can give us some hope. Chuck and I are both committed to doing what we need to do in order to give Zachary the best start he can have. I guess that's what makes me a good mom.

I love my husband.

I know, I know, I've done these posts. I've written them on Valentine's Day and our anniversary but this one is just because.

Just because I think he's wonderful.

Why? Because he's freakishly smart and resourceful. Just when I'm ready to discount something, he's there ready to take charge and make it work.

I'm talking about our current van. I love the van, I really do. It sits up high off the ground and has ran like a champ despite the fact it's 14 years old. Looks pretty good too (if you can overlook the slightly crunche in driver side corner that I did last fall).

But our van had problems this winter. First, I thought it was just an oil change, then the feul filter, then we took it to the mechanic for stalling problems and he said it was the air filter (nope), and the ignition module. Fixed for less than expected. Sweet!

Then it quit. Dead. So we have it towed and the tell us $370. I wanted to cry. I was so tired of getting up at 6:30 am to take Chuck to work so I could have a vehicle. Chuck told the guy to shove it. So over the next few days, he and I researched the possible problems and then Chuck went to the auto store and bought the parts, read how to change them and did it! For a grand total of $38!!! How freaking great is that?

Sometimes I underestimate him. Well, maybe a lot. But he has proven himself yet again to be able to do the undoable.

I think one of the things that endears me to him even furthur is how he took Zachary along for the ride. Chuck is so amazing with the boys, and takes them under his wing. Zachary went to the store and then "helped" Daddy fix the van. Zachary was soo proud of himself and Chuck that day helped boost Zachary's self-esteem like you couldn't do just by saying "good job". For that too, I love him.

Ever wondered who else has your name?

Chuck was telling me that he googled his name one day and found some interesting stuff. One of the things he found was a website devoted to past politicians and in their database was not only his grandfather, but his great-grandfather as well.

That got me thinking....who out there has my name? What have they done? What have I done that I don't know is posted yet? Nothing came up for my married name...except some lawsuit in California. No big story. However, when I googled my maiden name, an interesting book by Lisa Burnham was top on the list.

How freaking cool is that? If only it were me. That would be way cooler.

So google your name. Anything interesting come up?

Quick thing that made me laugh today...

Lucas had let in Jake (oh, he's our dog) from outside in the backyard. When I went into the kitchen the back door was still open. I asked Lucas to shut it stating:

"What were you raised in a barn?"

(side note: OMG, Can I sound anymore like my father if I tried?)

Lucas response to me was:

"We don't have a barn! We have a garage! Silly goof!"

One more reason I love being a mom sometimes.

I've been thinking....

And that is never ever good :)

But this time, it just may be.

Zachary and I had a rough day today. Until something happened that made me sit back and think "Damn, I love this kid" I decided that once a week or so I should blog about those moments. Those moments when I remember WHY I love being a mom so much. By doing so, maybe it'll help me focus on the more positive things in motherhood instead of the less positive (such as less sleep and fighting with a boy who won't nap because it's too daylight out).

I bought some cinnamon rolls today. Luke and I went to Walmart and I was craving some of their cinnamon rolls. So gooey and yummy when microwaved for a few seconds.

I digress (but I want another one now)....Luke ate one when we got home and after we got Zachary from preschool they both ate one. Leaving one for me. Cool.

But there wasn't one in the container. I question the lads. Where did the other one go? Zachary says that Lucas ate it. He took the last one. I was crushed. That also means that Luke would have eaten 3 HUGE cinnamon rolls by himself...also not good. I wasn't too happy but what can you do? They are gone.

Until I walked past the piano and saw a yummy, gooey cinnamon roll sitting on the piano, forgotten by one of the boys. Yay! My savior of sanity!

I put it in the microwave to warm it up, at that same time, Zachary walked into the kitchen and offered me up the other half of his. Looked up at me with those big blue eyes and said:

"here momma, I'll share with you. Because I love you. Did you know that?"

Yep, Zachary I know. And I love you too. More than words can ever say.

Okay, I cannot be the only one to find this funny!

Okay, apparently there is a huge phenomenon that I am just now catching up with. No big surprise as I'm usually way behind on trends, but also I've been super sick. But there is a satirical video called Box in a Box that is cracking me up. Chuck didn't find it nearly as funny as I did. But apparently others did. Because it made #1 on MSNBC's list about a week ago.

So, I guess I'm not all alone in this funny world after all.

My sensitive child

Zachary worries me sometimes.

He really does. And I don't know whether it's because he's "unique" (as yet undiagnosed for anything) or whether it's because he's just a very sensitive child, but he worries me nonetheless.

For Christmas, my boys got the book Charlottes Web from their Grandma and Grandpa. It was one of my favorite books as a little girl. I had a copy of it that I would read over and over and over. I grew up on a pseudo farm and was so much happier to be with the animals who loved unconditionally than people sometimes, so I really felt I related to Fern. (side note: My mom wrote in the front of the book : Merry Christmas Zachary and Lucas. I hope you enjoy this book as much as your mom did as a little girl.)

So, soon after Christmas we started reading the book to them. I started it since I was on vacation, and I loved the book, and then when I went back to work, Chuck took over reading a chapter a night before bed. And sometimes they got the book at naptime too, if they were good in settling down. As I said, I know this book. I knew Charlotte died. (sorry for anyone who's never read it, I just ruined the near-ending!) But I didn't think about it being an issue for my boys.

My boys watch movies that most children don't. They've seen all the Harry Potters. They've watched Lord of the Rings with us. They know about death.

So I was completely unprepared last night when Chuck informed me that Zachary was having a difficult time with going to bed BECAUSE Charlotte died. That he was sooo distraught by this. Charlotte died in the story on Tuesday night. Wednesday I *thought* that Zachary was being unusually needy. Unusually sentimental and loving. (He has always been a very loving child and tells me numerous times "I love you, did you know that?") But numerous as in a week, not in a DAY! Now, I'm not complaining because I love hugs and kisses and being told I love you....what mom wouldn't?

But, when I found out that the underlying issue on Thursday is that he's afraid daddy and I are going to die and leave him it concerned me. And why this book in particular? Why did Charlotte affect him so profoundly? It took him about 2 hours to fall asleep Thursday night. And numerous trips by Daddy back into his room to reassure him that he was still here.

He and I talked about it again today. I explained that Daddy and I would be around for a LONG time and that we weren't planning on leaving him. He said not till I'm your age? I said "Shessh, Zachary, I hope even older!!!"

His sentimental, sensitive side is going to be a downfall for me for years to come. I can already see it....he comes home after his first girlfriend dumps him...just crushed. And I'm going to cry with him. I'm going to hate her as much, if not more, than he does. *sigh* How did my mom do it with me?

How will you be described?

Charles -- [adjective]: Smells like teen spirit 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

My husband. Niiiiccceee.

A Hero's Journey

So, my friend Matt is asking all of us who read his blog The Hero Workshop to write up our own hero journey. Because basically anyone who was a camp counselor at some point was a hero to someone, and took a journey to become that person.

I'm finding it VERY difficult to even start to write. My journey started because I didn't want to live at home any longer under my dad's authoritarian rule. I didn't have any altruistic motives. And while I was there, I defintiely enjoyed working with the kids, it's something I had done for years before that in 4-H. Maybe I should just sit down and start writing and then prune later. My best writings are typically reviewed and re-written over a 2 week time period.

My husband however did write up his journey. I love his writing. He can be so descriptive, emotional and poignant. It's not a side that everyone typically sees, not even me on a regular basis. But the story disturbed me a little. He revealed things that I never knew about and actually things that I believed to be true were lies. But, at least the same lies had been told to every single other person in his life. It makes me wonder again if you live a lie for so long, it doesn't become the truth. I'm not mad at him for this, but in a way I am hurt. Not so much because of the general lie, but because of the actual truth behind it, which I've never been told about. I've thought about it for a few days now and have decided that there isn't much I need to do. Eveyone has skeletons in their closet. Most couples never discuss sexual experiences as in depth or personally as we have. So what if he omitted one. It happened over 20 years ago, while I was still in 6th grade!!! I guess I have a harder time with these things because I tend to be extremely open and expect everyone else to be too.

Maybe that's why I'm having a hard time writing my story...because of my skeletons that only about 4 people know about. Those skeletons in some way really define who I am and why some of the paths I chose were chosen, even if subconsciencly.

Hospital again...

This time for me.

On Friday night I started having some cramping and back cramping. I was having some pelvic/abdominal pain, intermixed with this cramping. I got home from work and laid down thinking that would help and it still was happening. There were times it was so strong, the cramps would literally take my breath away.

Well, 24 hours later it was still happening. I was getting a little worried. So I placed a call to Sameerah and she said to go get check at the birthing center. So, we make some phone calls...find someone to watch the boys for a couple of hours, and head off to the hospital. Sameerah mentioned bladder or kidney infection so we wanted to get checked out.

Turns out (after 3 hours in there) that I was dehydrated. So they sent me home with implicit instructions to drink AT LEAST 8-8 oz glasses of water. That's what I'm working on. Dr. Maynard (who is incredibly cute) also said to use some hot packs for the cramping and pain and it's worked wonders!

So, today I'm feeling better. I just feel exhausted. I'm also feeling a little overwhelmed by the amount of stuff we have to do AND the fact the van is broken AGAIN. I'm starting to wonder if karma isn't punishing me for something. I just want two running vehicles again so I dont' have to get up at 6:30 to take Chuck to work. Good bye t.v. money :(

Last Christmas present...

is on it's way to me!

Yipee!!

Chuck's other Christmas presents were okay, I guess...but I really think he'll like this one. I ordered it on the 15th, hoping and praying that I'd have it NEAR Christmas. On January 2nd, I finally had enough and emailed the company. I just got confirmation that it was shipped today!

So hopefully in 3-5 days I can see if he likes what I picked out for him!

Staples are out!

And Lucas couldn't be happier! He was so proud he wanted to show and tell everyone he was a brave boy and got his staples out!

A little background:

Rewind to Christmas Day evening. Lucas, Zachary, my two nephews and my oldest brother were wrestling and playing and goofing around. It was 9:00 pm. They are all in their jammies. Lucas was wearing his brand new Buzz Lightyear jammies and was so happy to be in them (big surprise!) Chuck had already loaded up the car and it was sitting in my brother's driveway warming up. We're standing at the dining room table, talking to my mom and watching all the boys (the big boys included) wrestle and play and enjoy Christmas as a family. It's always heartwarming to me to see the big boys play too. Anyway, somehow Lucas fell and hit his head on a bookcase. Typically not a big deal.

But he was screaching like I've never heard before and rubbing his head furiously. That's when we noticed the blood. Now, Chuck and I are not stupid people and we definitely don't tend to overreact when something happens to one of the kids, so we're like Okay, let's get some of the bleeding stopped and see what we're dealing with. It was gashed open about an inch or so long and it looked pretty deep. The wound was gaping open. By the time we were able to see anything, Lucas was already done crying. He's such a trooper!

By this time, we're in the kitchen, getting ice. I go into the living room to explain to Zachary that Lucas got hurt and we need to take him to the hospital and he'll be spending the night with Uncle Dan, Uncle Spike, Grandma and Grandpa (which, trust me, didn't hurt his feelings AT ALL!) Go back into the kitchen and Chuck and Uncle Dan are wrapping Lucas' head with an ACE bandage in order to hold the ice in place. I'll have to post pictures because it really was hilarious. Here this kid is: his shoulder covered in blood, eyes a little red from crying with a HUGE bandage wrapped around his head with a lump where the ice was.

So, off to the hospital we go. Me sitting in the back because there was also concern about him having a concussion, and to help settle poor little Lucas.

We only had to wait minutes before being seen to get checked in and then quickly whisked away to the backroom. Lucas was such a trooper!! He was so good and sat on the bed and played with his new Buzz Lightyear toy (Thank God for whoever made Buzz Lightyear). The dr. wanted us to use a cotton ball full of anesthetic to try to get the wound numbed before using the staple gun (which btw, didn't work very well) so we sat putting this cotton ball on his head for 40 minutes. Again, Lucas was just a trooper!

Then came the not so fun part. The actual staples. Chuck held down his body and I held his head still. That was absolutely the worst thing ever. Holding your child down while he's sobbing, his face beet red, crying out "momma!" I felt so horrible...but I also knew it was for the best. 3 staples later and he was done. The minute the last staple was in, Lucas pretty much quit crying. Tough little boy, he is!

So, we left about 2 hours and 5 minutes after we arrived to the hospital with simple instructions: Don't let him take a bath or soak his head. Okay...can do.

Fast forward to today:
We go into the hospital and I tell Lucas that this is the place where mommy will have the baby in the a few months. "Really?" he asks.

They call us back and just put us in the hallway bed...we won't be there long.

Lucas asks "I get my staples out NOW?!"
Me: "Yup!"
Lucas: "No, you have baby first!"
Me: "Um, no, mommy's not going to have the baby for a few more months bubba!"
Lucas: "I get my staples out of my head first then!"
Me: "Yup...now you have to sit up here and be a good boy"
Lucas: "Cuz, I don't want to fall in the ospitle and get more staples in my head"
Me: "Nope. We don't want to do that!"

He was so cute and being so grown up. He whinged about the second one being pulled and jumped a little bit, but otherwise did such a good job being a big boy today! I'm so proud of him!

20 week appt and ULTRASOUND!

Well, I'm 20 weeks now. Almost 21 according to my ticker!

I went back to the dr. today and had my ultrasound. Before I go into those results, let me just talk about the beforehand prep.

Who the hell's idea was it to take a woman who is pregnant with her THIRD child and already has incontinence problems and have her drink 32 oz of water and then hold it? Hmm? Because that person should be shot.

NO kidding. I actually put a freaking pad on so that I wouldn't pee myself if I accidently coughed, sneezed or laughed hard. Because, hell, even on a good day I can do that. Let alone the times I have my bladder full to the point of wanting to throw up because of it.

My husband thought this whole ordeal was miraclously funny. He would have thought it was really funny had I pee'd all over him, because honest to God there was a flood when I finally did go. And then 15 minutes later when I had to go again.

Cruel and unusual punishment was outlawed in our country a long time ago. I wonder if anyone ever told the ultrasound technicians that.

Okay, that off my chest I can get on to the results. The baby is growing perfectly on target. I was measuring at a due date of May 19. Wow. Very close to my original estimate of an actual due date of May 20. I guess I know when I had sex afterall ;) It's a little surreal to me though to have a baby actually of normal size. My boys were so big (9 1/2 lbs, 23 inches and 8 1/2 lbs, 22 1/2 inches) that a baby measuring normal is a little unusual.

The technician couldn't clearly see the brain or all of the body organs. Apparently, this isn't all that uncommon and nothing for reason of concern. My midwife put it very gently that ultrasound travels best through water and not so great through "soft tissue". Read that "fat". I know...I'm not in denial. So we'll have another ultrasound at 28 weeks to make sure everything is okay.

I got a couple of really cute ultrasound pictures...one of the bottom of the little foot. Awe, I just love baby feet!!!

Oh, yea, and did I forget to mention that we are having A GIRL???? I'm freaking ecstatic and somewhat still in shock even though I was pretty sure I was having a girl. I had a hard time enjoying the ultrasound and the moment because of the fact I had to pee so bad, and the boys were not behaving really well. But I started to get teary eyed. When I went in to go pee, I think more than just that was released. I started to cry. I dryed my eyes and went back in the room to be shown to another room to meet with my midwife. I was bawling by that time. Did I mention I'm emotional? I am on a regular basis. Get me pregnant a third time and it's even worse! The nurse asked me "Are you crying because you're happy???" I nodded. I'm having a girl. How can that not make you happy?

Wow...how time flies...

When you're on vacation!

Well, at least a vacation from work! Chuck and I both took off the 3 days between Christmas and New Years so that we could have 11 days off and only use 24 hours of annual leave. It has been ABSOLUTELY wonderful being home together; however, I wish we could have gotten more done. But, considering it is the holidays...and that always means visiting tons of relatives and seeing friends we don't see too often...I should have known better.

One good thing about being off from work is that I've reconnected with my husband. Or at least I feel like I have. Sex is good again. Okay, not to say it was BAD before because when we have it its always good, but it's just never abundant enough for me. Considering we work opposite schedules we don't have too much of an opportunity. Being off together, we've taken lots of opportunities. YAY!

Bad thing is...I realize I really don't want to go back to work. At least not where I am now. I'm dreading going back tomorrow. And in some ways, I'm thinking that maybe I don't want to go back at all. I think I could handle being a SAHM. Even though we could never afford it. I've always thought I would go crazy...but with Zachary in preschool, and me not working nights, I would be having some extra sleep, some alone time with Lucas, and naptimes to myself to catch up on things considering that I got household stuff done while they were up playing. *sigh* All wishful thinking though.

But then again, during this 11 day period I think we've been sleeping at home for like 4 nights. The rest of the time, we've spent seeing Shannon, Barb and Logan; Matt and Karen; my parents; Chuck's parents. And spending the night wherever we go. We've come home, slept, repacked the bag in the morning and left again. But it's been kinda fun. I had an AWESOME time seeing Matt and Karen....there's something so comfortable with them. Granted, Matt, Chuck and I go WAAAY back but I like Karen too. I guess that's what makes it different. I usually don't like my guy friend's wives or girlfriends. But Karen is cool...easy to talk to, down to earth and smart. I like those traits. We played some game with them and it was so much fun...I honestly can't remember the last time we had couple time and spent time as COUPLES doing interactive stuff. I know Chuck throughly enjoyed himself too.

So, now we start a new year...and I hope we can keep connections with our friends better than we did in the last year. They do a body good.