To be a kid again...

Do you remember what it was like to, on a crisp fall day, run and play in the leaves?
Intead of thinking "OMG, when the hell am I going to have time to rake all those leaves?"











Do you remember the awe that you felt when going to the fair or festival and seeing those huge tractors and just itching to ride one?

Instead of looking at it like a hunk of metal used to get the work done?










Do you remember the excitement of the first snowfall of the year? Running outside to make that first snowball, that first snowman?
Instead of looking at it snowing in October and thinking "WTH?!?! Seriously, I don't have my leaves raked, the fertilizer down, the trailer put away" and on and on and on?














That's one of the greatest things about having kids. Seeing all those first and awe-inspiring moments again through their eyes. But truth is, I don't take enough time on a daily basis to really enjoy those moments. Or take the time to play with them in the leaves, or in the snow. "I'm busy right now" seems to be heard more than "the laundry can wait". And that's sad. Because I want to build those memories and traditions with the boys and our next child. I've been reading the The Happiness Project and finding quite some inspiration in it. I need to focus on my happiness in order for my family to be happy too. So, while I'm not going to intentionally step on someone's toes, I'm also not going to worry about other's opinions. I control my own mood. I choose my temperment. I choose to make memories and have fun with my kids.

They are sleeping right now. Snug in their beds. And I rocked my 4 1/2 year old to sleep tonight in front of the fire and loved it. WE played in the leaves in the front yard today and I saw a ton of smiles. From everyone. That's happiness.

A day late...and a dollar short.

That seems to be the story of my life. It's now November and I'm just now posting Halloween. But that not because we didn't have a great Halloween, we did! The boys LOVED it and the weather wasn't freezing and it wasn't raining or snowing. And in Michigan that's tough to do.

About a week before Halloween we carved our pumpkins. We always go to the pumpking patch and pick our own. But this year it was sleeting and raining for the two weekends prior to Halloween. So Daddy and I said screw it and took the boys to Walmart. Needless to say, they were NOT impressed. Traditions run deep around here even for a 2 and a 4 year old. Next year we are planning on trying our hand at growing our own. We shall see.

Here's the boys' pumpkins. Zachary chose his stencil all by himself. He decided he wanted a spooky alien. So I helped him put it on and we both poke holes in around the stencil. And then against my better judgement, I gave my 4 year old a little pumpkin saw. And he did it himself. (well, minus the fingers. I couldn't even do those right!)

Lucas wasn't too much into it though. He helped pick out the stencil and then sawed on some of the big chunks that daddy took out. Lucas sooo wanted to be a big boy, but just couldn't seem to grasp the concept of it, nor have the patience for it.

Then came Halloween. The boys were ecstatic. We left about 5:45 and it was a bit cold. Not freezing mind you, but enough to turn the boys' cheeks red. Zachary wanted to go home after, oh, about 7 houses. Lucas said "NO! More trick or treating!" So, onward and more candy we went. After a while, it suddenly got warmer. No lie. So we went on. Trick or treating and saying Thank You at every house. But we went about 4 houses too much. Because that's when the 2 year old meltdown occurred. Zachary was such a trooper during it...paying attention to me, staying close by as Lucas threw himself into the middle of an intersection. And when I told him to get up or I would drag him home by the ankle, he stood up and threw his light saber (that Buzz Lightyear HAD to have) down screaming. *sigh* 1 week and I'm already ready for the terrible two's to be over.

Now, we have about 4 buckets of candy and I keep getting yelled at by Chuck to leave the kids' candy alone. Come on, now, that's like telling a cow to not eat the grass she's standing in, isn't it?

Knights of Lisa's round table

I have a very good friend (Matt-see the post of how Chuck and I met!) who writes a blog called The Hero Workshop. Chuck and I were discussing over the weekend, and again tonight over an impromptu dinner about who our heroes are and also who we would choose to sit at our "round table". This has proven incredibly hard for me.

I have read good portions of Matt's blog and understand why the people have been chosen as heroes as well as the characteristics of a hero. However, I'm having a hard time seeing a lot of them as heroes for myself.

For example, Superman. He's fictional. I've never in a million years sat down when I've had a difficult problem and thought "now how would Superman handle a situation such as this?" So, it really, to me, boils down to people that I could speak to in reality. I guess that's because I suck at imagination.

I've been asked three times now in my life who my hero was and why. The first two times were both in beauty pageants. Yes, it's true. I'm a beauty pageant queen. I won my title in 1997. That was before I was a fat and frumpy momma.

The first time I said Hilary Rodham Clinton. *ducks head to avoid being hit by everyone!* Come on, I was young and incredibly stupid. And needless to say I always have found strong women an inspiration in my life.

The second time I said my Aunt Kay. Again, because she's a strong woman. My reasoning for this? She became the first woman mayor of our town, went on to be a state representative for 8 years and did it all without a MAN. That was a huge deal for me (and in some ways still is). To be able to be a strong woman and stand on my own two feet and fight a good fight and do what I feel is right, without having to have a man support me.

Now, I'm older and my priorities have changed. A lot. My life has changed a lot. So when Chuck asked me who my heroes are I could only come up with one. My mom. When I think of a hero I think of someone who puts others before themselves. Who accomplish things against all odds. Who do a lot with little or nothing at all. Who in the face of adversity can inspire others to rise above their class or level and become something better. I feel that my mom has done all of those things and much more. I look to her at least once a day for inspiration in how I raise my own children. Now, that's not to say I talk to her everyday. We work opposite shifts so that's not really feasible. But, I do compare myself and my actions to those I remember as a child and try to do things like she did. Sometimes this causes me great guilt and problems, because I fall so short. But it's something to inspire to.

But if you're asking me who I look to for advice? That's different to me than heroes. Whom I look to for advice I do so because they are important in my life...and I value their opinion. And it definitely varies depending on what the subject is.

I look to my husband for all kinds of information. Especially politics and finances.
Matt (for general knowledge. He knows a little about everything.)
Shannon (for assistance with Chuck!)
Mom (for child-rearing and financial adaptability)
Kathleen (she's my spiritual advisor)
Allison (for assistance with mental disorders)

That's about it. Honestly, I don't look to the popular media for heroes or role models. I guess I feel I have enough within my small circle of very diverse friends that I don't look any furthur.

NaBloPoMo

Otherwise known as National Blog Posting Month has officially BEGAN! Thanks to Angela I found out about this and thought it was sooo cool! I started this blog so that I could keep track of my thoughts. Blog about the boys so I could eventually journal in their scrapbooks. An occassionally bitch about my husband. But now, I've got work to blog about. I've got a pregnancy to blog about. And I've got just random thoughts floating around in my head that I would love to get out so I can have more room for more random thoughts!!

So today is my first day of a full month of blogging on a daily basis...I really can't wait for the challenge. It's been a long time since something was challenged in my life besides my patience.

Like today...Lucas is becoming a terrible two. And I've already had enough. He spent at least an hour throughout the day in his room throwing tantrums. I told him that if he wanted to continue screaming, crying, kicking and blabbering that he could do it in his room until he was finished. So he did. SEVERAL times. *sigh* And I think I want to go through this again? Am I freaking crazy?

At least Zachary was being pretty good except for the constant tattling on his brother for things. I can't say how many times I said today "Zachary, your brother is MY job. Not yours. You need to pay attention to yourself and your own actions." He seems to love to lecture his brother on manners and good behavior but then forget it himself. Convenient.

How I met my hubby...

In honor of our anniversary, which is today, and the fact we made it 5 years now and grown our family by 2.3 children, I thought I would regale you all in how I met my hubby...and how we became husband and wife.

How it all began: In the year of 1997, I decided that there was no way that I could return to my parents house for the summer after living by myself and on my own for the year at Michigan State University. So I attended a job fair, thinking I'd get myself a really cool job, make lots of money and live on my own. Well, some of that was true. What I found was a YMCA Camp close to my hometown and parents but where I could work, make money and LIVE for free. I visited the camp in May for a weekend to start running trail rides, as I was hired for a ranch counselor. Pretty fitting, considering my degree is in Equine Management. The first person I was introduced to was Chuck. I ate lunch with the staff and he was loud, rambunctious and funny. Oh, and did I mention perverted? That's when I thought..."cool, I'm gonna fit in here". We talked some more over a bummed cigarette with Charlie the horse down at the ranch and he seemed super cool.

Then we had staff training. He was obnoxious, conceited and annoying. I remember thinking "dude, just shut up. No one wants to hear you ramble." But he was one of 3 original smokers on camp. I was one of the other ones, and Jason (coincidentally the best man in our wedding) was the third. I got to know Chuck pretty well and my original thought of him came back.

However, I was not romantically interested in him in the least. I wanted CJ. The young Irishman who was an exchange counselor. *sigh* Apparently he spent a lot of time talking to Chuck about me, and Chuck told him to just make the move. CJ never did...and although Chuck informed me I should...I never did either. CJ ended up hooked up with the black widow.

CJ, Chuck, Matt and Jason....the original crew. Men who changed my life.

Then comes my 4th of July party, 1997. At my parents house. My first *real* party ever. And we had a few friends spending the night, some because they were too trashed, some for convenience. Chuck was one of them. Everybody had a bed but him. We were good friends. I offered him to sleep with me. He had other things in mind. Don't worry...I didn't give it up to him. I cried. Sobbed really because I was still a virgin. Chuck quieted me and held me and told me it was all ok and nothing would happen if I didn't want it to. Then we went to sleep...and he was still there in the morning. Waking me up with kisses.

After that we were kinda inseperable. He had his own room at camp, instead of sleeping with the kids, like I did. I spent A LOT of time there...hanging out, smoking, talking, making out. About one week after our initial "hook-up", I had a LONG week. It was the 2 week campers and we were with them non-stop...no breaks at all. I came back from the barn at about 9:30 pm one night and in the middle of our cabin was a dozen beautiful roses in a vase and a 3 wick blueberry candle (now my absolute favorite scent) burning. The girls of course were all abuzz about who it was for....it's so romantic you know! I started to cry and let my other counselor know I needed to run for a minute. I went and found Chuck with tears running down my cheeks. He informed me that he had already talked to Matt (who was my supervisor) and had gotten me some time off so that we could have an appropriate first date. He had it all set up.

We went to Don Pablos and a movie matinee (as I had to be back to camp after dinner). It was wonderful! For some reason, I was sooo nervous during that date. We'd been friends for some time, and we'd been making out, but this was so official. We learned a lot about each other during that date...like he learned that I was not yet 21!!! He seemed VERY nervous when I couldn't drink alcohol. I think he was concerned I wasn't of legal age yet (18, here in the States). Especially since he was 28!

Fast forward 8 months: We moved in together so I could finish my last year at MSU and he began school at the local college.

Fast forward 2 years: He proposed. May 20, 2000.

Fast forward 1 1/2 years: We were married. October 27, 2001. It was beautiful!! It rained a light mist during the ceremony but was nice after that. It was such a busy day but all so worth it when I saw him looking at me with such loving and endearing eyes as I walked down the aisle. I loved that man so much and here were all our friends and family watching us commit ourselves entirely to each other.

We were married in a VERY small historical chapel in a local park. It really did look like something from Little House on the Prarie. It was perfect for us and afterwards we had our pictures taken at the park and on the playground. I've been told by several different people that we had the most loving, caring and beautiful wedding they'd ever seen. We danced our first dance as husband and wife to "When you say it best, you say nothing at all" by Allison Krause and it fit us to a T. I have so many wonderful memories of that day but the one that sticks out the most is happiness!

We took our honeymoon in London 9 weeks after the wedding. We left right after Christmas and then enjoyed ringing in the New Year in London. It was fabulous! I cannot wait to go back again and share more rich culture with my husband. I guess that's what I love about him...our ability to balance each other. He's introduced me to museums and art galleries and fine dining and I introduced him to the Royal Mews (which was closed while we were there *poo*) and clubs and just strolling through the park. Even today we balance each other....when he seems to be down, I'm up and when I'm down, he brings me up. I love him for that. I love him for what he does to me. I love him for how he makes me a better person. Now, that's not to say that we don't have our struggles and our fights, but I think overall we are a pretty happy, balanced, and loving couple. 5 years of marriage later...don't you think we still look happy?

Pregnancy dreams

I have had some of the weirdest dreams, but this one really made me a little scared.

I was only 18 weeks along and started having contractions. So I go into the ER. By myself. I guess Chuck must have been home with the boys.

I was in one of the ER rooms but people had forgotten about me. I started feeling the need to push and I was screaming for someone and pushing the nurses' button every second to try to get them in there....but no one was coming.

I pushed the baby out and he was still in the placenta and everything. All was still intact. I was seriously screaming bloody murder at this point...scared out of my mind and so afraid of what was going to happen to my baby.

After about an hour, a nurse came in and assured me that 18 weeks was an acceptable cooking time for the little peanut and his chance of survival was good. She came back in soon after to tell me that my peanut was dead. He had breathed in the amniotic fluid outside of my body and had suffocated.

I don't like dreams like that. Not in the least.

This is gonna be a long pregnancy!

I'm 10 weeks.

And I feel like I'm about 37 weeks.

Seriously.

I don't know whether it's because this is our third child or whether it's because I'm overweight (but only about 20 lbs over where I was when I got preggo with Lucas) but this bebe already feels like s/he wants to fall out of my hoo-ha. No lie.

Walking around at work at night I feel sooo much pressure I'm dreading what it's going to be like at 40 weeks. I feel like I'm already doing the pregnancy waddle and I'm not even wearing maternity clothing!!

I also already have the ligament stretching. My midwife has recommended the prenatal cradle and I have to say I really honestly think I'm buying one this time around.

Already this pregnancy has been so different from the last two. It's weird. The cravings. The sleeplessness. The uncomfortableness. The pain. The moodyness. *sigh* Like I said....it's gonna be a long 30 more weeks.

On Monday (10-16-06) I went to my second midwife appt. Things went well! I'm down 9...yes, NINE...pounds. I think their scale is wrong, but Chuck says to take it for what it's worth! My blood pressure was a little high for me but still totally normal (132/82). We discussed my penchance for pickles and she said it's perfectly normal...and to eat what I can keep down during this point in time.

I also discussed caffeine with her. With the boys, I quit the stuff cold turkey. This time it's been sooo much harder. I'm not craving it per se...I'm just used to the Mt. Dew. The crack of all pops. However, there was a study done last year that linked caffeine (even at the 1-2 cups per day) with early miscarriage and preterm labor. I'm not willing to take that chance...so good-bye crack! Next appt..4 weeks!

Okay, Okay...

So, I've been not blogging about something very important in my life. I have my reasons. But it's also kept me from blogging much at all because a big part of my life I couldn't share yet. There are still people in my life that do not know that yes, I amHaha!!! I've been leaving little hints here and there, but I wanted to tell my family first since my mom does occassionally read the blog and I really didn't want her to find out that way!

I'm currently 10 weeks along and I'm feeling pretty okay now. For the most part. Poopy diapers and well for that matter even mine make me want to throw up, but I think I'm starting to get past the morning sickness all day long thing. I am completely and utterly exhausted though. Hell, I feel asleep during my break tonight sitting at my pc. I'm sure I was quite the site! I am having all kinds of weirdo cravings that I never had with the boys. For example, pickles and bacon, pickles and ice cream, and most recently saurkraut and ice cream. I don't eat them TOGETHER but with each other...ya know...like both for one meal. Grosses Chuck out!

The questions before people ask:

#1 Yes, we are hoping for a little girl this time. We didn't want a girl when we were pregnant with the boys but now we are thinking a girl would round out our family nicely.

#2 No, this was not planned. Well, not totally. We weren't actively trying, but we weren't actively preventing either. This isn't a bad thing...just means a more crowded 3 bedroom home and a lot more baby toys.

So there. Now I'll be blogging all about my bloated belly, how my pants won't fit and how my hormones have me crying at work.

Amanda~I know you've known all along :) I'll be telling people at work next week, so HUSH HUSH till then!

Wednesdays.

Huh. I just noticed that like my last 4 posts or so have all been on Wednesdays!

I wonder why?

Maybe because I'm trying to get over the "hump" day at work?

Maybe because that's when I'm feeling slumpy...coming down from the weekend and not quite to the next weekend?

I don't know...but I'm gonna try to blog more often. I find it helps me get my feelings out. And I know that my hubby happens to read the blog even though he never posts. So maybe, just maybe, he can understand me just a *little* bit better considering we work opposite shifts and never see each other :(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On another note, Lucas was DRY all day long at school today! I'm freaking ecstatic. Then he went 3 more times at home after that. Albeit he did have 2 accidents...but still! He's 2 1/2 and well on his way now to being diaper free. And considering last Saturday he told me "NO MORE DIAPERS MOMMA!" he'll be happy to hear that too!

Tag...you're it!

1.Things that scare me:
- something happening to my boys (or them being taken from me)
- housefires
- someone breaking in and killing us all

2. People who make me laugh:
- Zachary
- Lucas
- Chuck

3. Things I hate the most:
- stupid/ignorant people
- people who say "that's not part of my job"
- how I lose my temper with Zachary

4. Things I don't understand:
- how ANYONE can find Paris Hilton attractive
- Politics. I don't even try to understand
- Why people bad mouth the US but then try desperately to get their green card.

5. Things I'm doing right now:
- working (shhh...:D)
- blogging
- freezing

6. Things I want to do before I die:
- see my boys be wonderful dads to their children
- travel the world with my husband
- lose my baby weight so I'm comfortable

7. Things I can do:
- BJ's (at least I think I'm pretty good)
- Make people laugh
- Bake

8. Ways to describe my personality:
- Stubborn (yes, it's #1)
- Outgoing
- Easy to get along with

9. Things I can't do:
- Do a cartwheel
- spend hours on the pc just "surfing"
- play RPG video games

10. Things I think you should listen to:
- Your children. They are small PEOPLE
- Your mother (mine usually has good advice)
- Your husband (his needs are important too!)

11. Things you should never listen to:
- IN-LAWS!
- Gossip (but it's so much fun!)
- Crappy music

12. Things I'd like to learn:
- Watercolors
- How to deal with Zachary more effectively
- How to be a contortionist. My hubby would love it!

13. Favorite foods:
- Mexican
- Pickles (well at least right now)
- Ben & Jerry's mint chocolate cookie ice cream

14. Beverages I drink regularly:
- Water
- Hot tea
- Mt. Dew (well, I'm trying not to)

15. Shows I watched as a kid:
- Growing Pains
- Cosby Show
- Family Ties

16. Persons I'm tagging:
- LO
Anybody else who wants to do it!

CONGRATULATIONS!!

To Matt and Angela!!

They had a baby girl today named Emily Dian!! They already have two GORGEOUS boys and I'm so excited to hear that they have a healthy, happy little girl to counteract the boys' antics :)

Another friend of mine also found out they are having a little girl, after two boys.

I hope that trend can continue.

Sooooo tiiirreeeddd!

I'm exhausted. End of story.

The boys are on a new daycare/preschool schedule so they only go M/W/F but they go longer during the day. But this means I have them Tuesday and Thursday from the moment they wake up. Which is early.

Like 7:15 early.

I know, I know...some of you reading this are thinking "THAT's EARLY?" Well when you work nights that's dang early! Granted I'm getting out of work at 1 am now so that helps, but by time I get home and around and settle down enough to go to bed it's at least 2 am if not 2:30. *sigh* At least, so far (knock on wood), the boys have been chill in the morning...cuddling in bed with me, content to watch their PBS cartoons and let mommy sleep just a little bit more.

It amazes me at how much they've changed and grown in their short years. It wasn't too long ago that I had to do EVERYTHING for them and now, just this morning, Lucas got up into the cupboard (big no-no, but he does it anyway, little bugger) and got down a can of chicken noodle soup. Zachary then proceeded to use the manual can opener to open said can of soup, pour it into a pan-which he got out himself, pour in a can of water, and then put it on the stove. He then came to me and told me he was ready for me to turn the stove on.

I'm just marvel at the things my 4 year old can do. We give him a lot of leeway to do these things too...I think it's good for him to know how to do things like cook, bake, wash dishes, vacuum. :) Makes my job easier!

Tomorrow is gonna be a rough day at work. I'm dreading coming in and dealing with the backlash of the previous' posts issues. *sigh* At least I get to sleep in tomorrow!

Arrrrrggggghhhh!!!!

I'm so incredibly frustrated!

I've got a lot of shit going on in my personal life. A lot I so seriously don't want to document, some I do but can't yet, and some that I want to forget. So needless to say I'm tired, cranky and stressed to the max.

Then I get this JACKASS at work who decides he wants to pick a fight with me. These are seriously the days that I HATE being a working mom. Wouldn't it just be easier to stay at home and fight with my own children than dealing with other children in the work environment (children of the 28 year old variety?)

Last Friday, he was being disrespectful to our supervisor in front of all of us. Then he decided to go back and bring ME into his issues. Saying crap about me...and then said that I needed to go home and "learn some things from Chuck". Um, excuse me? I need to learn something from "my man"? Nope, don't think that's gonna fly with me. I am not below anyone because I am a woman. And that was completely disrespectful to even bring my husband's name into a nasty situation.

So then last night, he comes up here to talk to me about it. I told my super that I couldn't deal with it because I am honestly EXHAUSTED, physically and mentally. I honestly could not handle one more thing...nor tonight because of other events.

He has now taken that as a personal attack on him. I'm causing HIM stress. I'm causing HIM anxiety. Fucking please. Shut up and be an adult. I didn't say I wouldn't talk to you just that I didn't want to tonight!!! So now he's posting "rules" outside his cubicle that he feels I've broken, highlighting them and starring them. Talk about freaking hostile. I'm pissed. I so want to be petty and bitchy and retaliate but considering that I'm in a pseudo-supervisory role I can't and won't do that.

Too bad he couldn't be that professional as well.

So well behaved...

That's what someone told me today about *MY* children. *gasp*

Well-behaved? Are you crazy?

But then I watched them compared to the other 15 munckins there at the playdate, dumping food on the floor, dumping toys everywhere...

Wow. They were being well-behaved. Minus the running from one room to the next yelling "catch me mommy!" But he was just having fun...and so was I!

I think the reason why this mommy said it was Zachary's manners. He's such a polite kid most of the time. This instance he had just asked for cake by saying "May I please have a piece of cake too, Miss Jodi?" That's my boy.

It was crazy at the playdate but a lot of fun. I got to talk to a couple of momma's I don't usually talk to or see and the boys played very, very well with everyone today. And actually cleaned up when asked. It helped that they were driving dump trucks around, loading the toys into them and then dumping them.

One incident happened today that marred my "good mommy" image though. A friend came to me and said Lucas was wet. I was like, huh? Wet? Thinking how the heck did he get wet? There's no drinks out, we're all inside, he hasn't been into the bathroom...so how did he get all wet? I went and checked him out and sure enough his butt was soaked. I smelled his pants (ewwww...gross...I know to all those un-mothers anyways) and sure enough it was pee. WTH???

I took his pants down and he didn't have a freaking diaper on!!!!!! All the other moms were laughing at me because I was like WTH? He doesn't have a diaper on? You'd think that a "good mommy" would know or remember that they didn't put a diaper on! But I had JUST picked him up from DAYCARE before I went to the playdate...I hadn't changed him yet! He did have a diaper on, but it was down around one ankle!!! Apparently, they didn't have it velcroed very tight and came loose. Wonderful. So then I could tell my boy from the fact he was running around in just a diaper, shirt and socks. He looked mighty cute though :)

I'm doing the potty dance!

Because Lucas is on his way to training himself!

Yahoo!

He went twice by himself yesterday...that means I didn't even SUGGEST that he go potty. He wanted to and he did.

Tonight at dinner he told: "I'm pooping momma. I go potty."

Me: "Are you going right now?"

L: "NO! I go potty"

So off we trot to the bathroom. Buttwipes in tow because I just KNOW that he already went. But he didn't! He sat down and it took us a long long time but he did #1 and #2 and then asked to not have his diaper put back on and was dry till bathtime. That was about 1 1/2 hours or so.

Yay! I'm not pushing...but I'll be VERY happy when he's done with diapers.

Do you remember where you were?

On this day, just 5 years ago?

I do.

I was in the store where my husband worked picking out our wedding flowers. Yep. What a joyous occasion to be associating with the most tragic thing (I think) to have happened in my lifetime.

I remember when someone came into the breakroom and said a plane hit the first Twin Tower. We were all like "how the heck did someone hit the tower?"

Then, the second plane hit. We found a t.v. And sat huddled around a little t.v. wondering what the heck was happening to our world as we knew it.

Flowers no longer really mattered in the grand scheme of things.

I went to work a little bit later and we sat huddled around the radio there. Listening, worrying. My regional director's boyfriend was in the air at the time headed to the east coast. We hadn't heard anything from him or about him.

We were only blocks from the Michigan capital building.

After a few hours, it was VERY clear that we were going to be slow that day...and considering our location the CEO of the company sent us home, just in case.

I went home and glued myself to the t.v. Crying. Watching all of those fire fighters risking their lives and dying.

I felt personally attacked. I felt personally scared. I have a family full of fire fighters. All in Michigan, but I know how scary it is to watch them go into dangerous situations. I kept thinking about those men and women's families. Their children. I still cry thinking about it or seeing footage from that day.

Chuck and I both said that we didn't want to bring children into this world.


2 days later we found out we were pregnant with our first son, Zachary. Chuck and I cried. How could we think of bringing a child into this world of craziness and hate and unexpected? (Let alone the fact we weren't ready and not married).

Now, 5 years later, I look back and am so grateful for my son. And grateful for all those emergency responders that risk their lives to save ours.

What's up with my dreams?

Last night I had a dream that startled me so bad it literally woke me up...in a cold sweat. But that's just because I HATE rats/mice. With. a. passion.

It all started out very nice. I was having dinner with some friends from college whom I haven't seen since my freshman year. (IRL, one of these friends just recently contacted me via myspace!)

We were at an Applebee's and it was right on a nice clear pretty lake. We finished up and were leaving when in the foyer to the Applebees were three HUGE rats that were mutilated and only the heads were lying there with BIG teeth in hissing positions. I screamed...that's when I woke up.

I wonder what that all means! I've checked out some online dream dictionaries but none of it is making sense when you put it all together.

I guess just chalk it up to weirdness.

Yowch and Aaaaahhhh!

How can you be in pain and loving it?

When you get a rug burn on your nipple during sex. Yep, you heard me right.

On the nipple.

It hurts like hell (well, actually today it's slightly better than it was yesterday).

It's the curse of the big boobs and not having my own bed to sleep (or have sex) in!!!

But damn it was good. I love my hubby.

Is the natural world trying to tell me something???

Last night I had a VERY clear dream that I remembered when I woke up.

I dreamt that I had JUST taken a pregnancy test and it was positive. In my dream, I told Chuck and we were both ecstatic.

Now, when I was barely pregnant (I mean I hadn't even taken a preg test yet) I had the same potty traing dream. When I had it with Lucas, I woke up and told Chuck I was pregnant. He laughed. 2 weeks later I had a positive pregnancy test.

Then later tonight, I asked Lucas and Zachary what they wanted for Christmas. Lucas replied: "a baby, momma".

Zachary then about 1 hour later hit my boob and it hurt (rug burn..another story ;)) so I asked him not to do that again. His reply? "Why momma? Do you have another baby in your tummy?"

Okay, seriously, is someone trying to tell me something?

Short stories about the boys:

Zachary:

Actual conversation with daddy on Wednesday night.

Z: Mmmmmm....Daddy, can I have a bite of that? (pointing at Chuck's butterfinger ice cream bar).

D: Well, I don't know....(he should have been sleeping otherwise he'd have had his own).

Z: But I really, really like it!

D: How do you know that?

Z: (incredulous...he's the master of that) Well, it's COVERED in CHOCOLATE!

That's a daddy's boy right there!

Lucas:

While picking him up from school this morning, I was informed he was a brut. Well, nothing new to me, they've told me numerous times how incredibly strong and agile he is.

But this was different. He was apparently a mean boy today. Daycare said they didn't know what was wrong with him. He NEVER acts like this.

Zachary caught him biting another little boy. Then when Zachary called him out on it, Lucas threw rocks in Zachary's face. The list went on.

So I ask Lucas:

Where you a mean little boy today?

L: Yep. I was.

Honesty from a two year old. Lovely.